


Divided We Stand

by Witch_Nova221



Series: The Time We Have [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Drama, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-18 05:38:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 79,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7301629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Witch_Nova221/pseuds/Witch_Nova221
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Second Time Around. Severus has been returned to his adult form and recalled to the service of Voldemort. Now he must fight to not only protect his friends but also his own future.</p><p>Originally written in 2011-2013 and not edited before posting here. I will be continuing this story from early-mid August.</p><p>Warnings for language, violence and sex. Please note that the legal age for consent in the UK is sixteen and that has been applied to this story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Divided

The thestral-pulled carriages finally reached the gates of Hogwarts, Harry and Ron leaping down with little ceremony and not bothering to wait for those of their friends who followed behind.

"I bet the dirty old git has been enjoying himself far too much with our Hermione," said Ron, "I don't know whether I want to stay in our room, who knows where they might have…you know!"

"Ron I really don't want to think about it," said Harry, "And I don't know why we've had to talk about it all the way from London."

"Well you can't seriously think that they've been in separate rooms for the passed week," said Ron, before he grimaced, "You don't think there'll be Snape juniors before too long do you?"

"Ron!"

"What?"

"Shut up will you," said Harry as they followed the crowds up towards the school, "Don't go winding Severus up about it either, you've already told half the people on the train their news without even knowing if they wanted people to know."

"Well they've hardly been shy about anything else," said Ron as the castle loomed before them, "I reckon Dumbledore will announce it in his speech."

"I think Dumbledore will have more important things to talk about than the engagement of a couple of students," said Harry as he noticed several figures prowling the perimeter of the path they walked, "There are Aurors everywhere."

"Probably after Malfoy," said Ron, "Are you going to speak to Severus about what we saw in Borgin and Burkes?"

Harry nodded, "As soon as I can get him on his own," he said, "And away from other ears, beyond your family, him, Hermione and Dumbledore I don't know who I can trust."

"Sev can sniff out a Death Eater from ten paces," said Ron, "He'll let us know who to keep away from but as a general rule anyone with a Slytherin badge is a good bet."

Harry smiled, "Nothing unusual to last year then," he said upping the pace of his walking, "Come on, I want to speak to the two of them before we go to the feast, I want to know what Dumbledore was after when he sent for Severus."

Ron matched him for speed and they headed up towards the castle together, calling out to friends as they passed them by, glad to be reunited with them after the long summer break. They finally hit the castle, the entrance hall thronged with students being herded towards the Great Hall by already exasperated teachers.

Ron began to laugh as he spotted one particularly troublesome group of third years who were ignoring the pleas of Gryffindor's Head of House, "Check out old McGonagall getting all wound up, she…" he trailed off as he realised his words, Harry joining him in surprise as they both looked upon the woman who had gone from their professor to their friend and clearly back to a professor once more.

"That's Minerva," said Harry, "But she's…"

"She's old," said Ron, "That must mean they've found a cure."

Harry paled, "Severus!" he said turning around in the crowd, trying to make out his friend in either the form he knew or the one he remembered, "Ron we've got to find Severus?"

"You don't think that's why Dumbledore…"

"Of course its why," said Harry, "But he can't change back, his mark will come back and Voldemort will kill him."

At the mention of the Dark Lord's name the crowd around them fell silent and the teachers' attention turned to them, Minerva the first to sweep to their sides, an unfamiliar figure that reminded them all the more that they're friend was noticeably absent from the cackle of happy students.

"You two boys better come with me," she said, taking Harry's arm as she led them away from the crowds, the noise commencing again as they left.

"Min…Professor, what happened? Why did you change back?" said Harry.

"Dumbledore and I worked on a cure and the Ministry insisted it be administered," said Minerva, her eyes growing sad as she spoke, "To Severus also."

"So he's a teacher again?" said Harry, "But what about Hermione and what about his mark? Where is he, I want to see him?"

"Calm down Potter, you can't see Severus because he isn't here," she said, "Now look you two, things have altered somewhat and I can't give you the answers. All I know is that you will find Miss Granger in a new private chamber off the Gryffindor common room. Severus left the morning after his return and there appears to have been some unpleasantness but Dumbledore won't share the reason as to why. You may go up and see her if you wish but I warn you, it may be a bit of a shock."

"Is Severus alive?" said Ron.

"I don't know," said Minerva, "Dumbledore guards his council and Miss Granger will not even hear his name. I fear what I thought would be a benefit may have backfired. You should go to your friend quickly, whatever the reason she is in need of you."

Harry and Ron took little persuasion to push through the crowds as they raced to the main stairs, hoping that they wouldn't alter too much on their way to Gryffindor Tower. They reached the portrait entrance, both of them realising that they had failed to ask for the new passwords they would need to gain entrance to the common room. The Fat Lady looked up at them but rather than asking for the customary word her eyes grew sad.

"You should see the state of her," she said, "Whatever that dreadful Snape did to her I hope he pays for it, I knew he never belonged in Gryffindor."

"What Severus did to her?" said Ron.

"Have you not been told?" said the Fat Lady, "Haven't you been warned about her face?"

"Let us in," said Harry with a rising panic, "I know we haven't got passwords but please let us in."

"I really shouldn't…"

"Please, if she's hurt we need to see her," said Harry.

"Alright but just this once," she said, "And don't go running to Dumbledore and telling on me."

"We won't, we won't, just let us in," said Ron.

The portrait swung open and they burst into the room, both of them calling for their friend as they were met by the empty common room.

"There's no need to shout," came a quiet voice from the landing above the stairs, "I knew you were here before you came through the door."

The boys looked up, recognise the silhouette of wild hair in the light of the room but their friend's face remained obscured. Harry was the first to step towards the stairs but Hermione stepped back further into the shadows.

"You should be in the Great Hall," she said, "The feast will start soon and you'll want to see who the Sorting Hat puts into Gryffindor this year."

"You'll need to come down too," said Harry.

"I have permission from Dumbledore to be absent," she said, "I'm not in the mood for crowds."

"What happened Hermione?" said Ron, "McGonagall is old again and she says that something happened to Severus?"

Hermione's sharp intake of breath was enough to have them both heading for the stairs, catching up to her before she had a chance to escape them. Harry caught her arm, tugging her back to face them but swiftly dropping his hold of her with a gasp.

"Your face," he said, "What happened to you?"

Hermione reached up and tried to pull her hair over the deep bruising that went from around her neck and up the side of her face, "Its nothing," she said quickly, "I…I…"

"Say you fell and I'll know you're lying," said Harry moving her hair and gently touching their neck, "They're finger marks."

"Please Harry just forget it," she said, "It'll be gone in a few days."

"Tell me who did this to you," he said darkly, "Tell me and I swear I'll kill him."

"Severus," came the response, though the voice wasn't Hermione's, "Severus did that to her."

"Don't be ridiculous Ron," said Harry, "Severus would never…"

"He did," said Hermione weakly, tears already beginning to pour down her cheeks, "They changed him, the Ministry changed him back and the second he was his old self again he…"

"But why?" said Harry, "He loved you, he was our friend."

Hermione shook her head, unable to meet their eyes, "He never was, he was working for Voldemort all along. Everything was designed to have us begin to trust him; even Lucius attacking him at Christmas was a ploy. He was just getting close to you in the hope that he could take you to Voldemort. I was just a pawn in his scheme."

Ron was already spitting fire and rage at the tale but Harry kept a firm hold of Hermione, shaking her gently in the hope that she would reveal some elaborate hoax that would have Severus appearing from the shadows, young or old, to laugh at them.

"But if that was so why not stay pretending when he changed back?" he said, "We always knew there was a chance he'd become an adult again and it wouldn't have effected our friendship in the least."

Hermione pulled away from him and turned to face the wall, "I guess his nature was harder to hide. When he changed back, I was frightened and I thought he would give me time but he… when I refused him he grabbed me. I begged him to stop but he wouldn't," she said, her shoulders shaking as she spoke, "When he was done, he left me and returned to Voldemort. He's dangerous Harry and its all my fault, I should have listened to you back in September and stayed away from him."

Harry's expression darkened as Hermione covered her face with her hands as she wept quietly with her back to them, neither he or Ron knowing whether or not to touch her as the gravity of her words sunk in.

"I trusted him," said Harry, the words thick in his mouth, "I thought he was my friend. All those things we told each other, everything he shared with me about my mum."

Hermione choked but she forced the words past her lips, "It was all lies Harry, all of it," she said, "Severus isn't who we thought he was."

Harry finally stepped forward, laying his hands on her shoulders and stroking gently, "I'm so sorry Hermione," he said quietly, "But for what he's done to you believe me, I'm going to make him pay. I'll make what Lucius did to him seem merciful."

Hermione all but wailed as she began to cry all the harder, pulling away from him, "Please, please no more blood," she said, "Just stay away from him Harry, you have to keep yourself safe. He's so powerful, he'll take you and then where would we be?"

"Alright, alright," said Harry, waving Ron down as the redhead tried to persuade him otherwise, "I just want you to feel better."

Hermione said nothing, her back to them as she sobbed all the harder into her hands. Harry finally stepped forward and placed his hands on her shoulders, rubbing gently as he pressed his cheek against her hair, glad when she leant back slightly against him.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, "I'm so sorry, if I'd known…"

"How could you have known?" said Hermione, her voice dull, as she stepped away from him and turned to face them once again, the bruising on her face thrown into stark contrast by the dim light, "You should go to the feast, the others will be wondering where you are."

Harry shook his head, "No, we'll stay with you," he said, "I'm sure Dumbledore…"

"Will be expecting you," finished Hermione, "Please. I want to be on my own. I'll see you in the morning for lessons."

"Hermione…" began Ron but Harry took hold of his arm.

"We'll see you tomorrow then," he said.

"Thank you," said Hermione, "I'm glad you're here. I would have owled but I didn't want to upset you. You don't know how good it is to see you. If you need me, my room is to the left of the stairs to the girl's dormitories, the green door. Dumbledore at least let me have some privacy."

Harry nodded, clearly wanting to stay at her side but knowing that she needed the space she asked for, "Come on Ron," he said, "We'll see you in the morning Hermione, try to get some rest."

Hermione forced a small smile, "You will," she said, "I…I know word will get out all the same but don't tell anyone about…this."

Harry felt tears prick his eyes as his friend raised her hand almost absently to her damaged face, "I won't," he said.

He turned away, ushering Ron before him, the details of his conversation with Hermione almost blurring in his mind as he tried to make sense of them. She had been beaten, he could see that but her assertions that it had been Severus who hurt her didn't sit right. Even as cruel as his former Potions Master had been in class he had never physically harmed any of them and had never even given Harry that fear that he would despite how hateful his words could be. The change in Severus the year before had slowly allowed Harry to see what he had believed to be his true nature, memories coming to him of talking late into the night together, the two of them as close as brothers but Hermione's words had destroyed those thoughts, evidence of Severus' deceit clear on her face.

He and Ron were both silent as they headed into the Great Hall, the Sorting Ceremony still taking place and reminding them once more of the changes they were facing as Professor McGonagall undertook her role as Deputy Headmistress once more. They found their seats, Ginny waving them over from where she sat with Neville and Dean, their faces pictures of concern.

"Where've you been?" she whispered.

"Common room," said Harry, "We went to see Hermione."

"Is it true then?" said Dean, "What they're saying?"

"What are they saying?" said Harry, not wanting to let slip any of the knowledge he'd gleaned from Hermione.

"That Severus beat her up," said Neville, "That he turned him and McGonagall back into adults and tried to make Hermione become a Death Eater."

Harry shook his head, "Don't believe the school gossip…"

"Oh I knew it wasn't true," said Ginny, with a relieved sigh, "Even if something did turn Severus back into an adult he always promised he'd stay our friend."

"He's not our friend," said Ron darkly, "Hermione didn't say anything about him trying to make her a Death Eater but the git definitely hit her."

"What?" cried Ginny before she hushed herself as several faces turned to them, "Ron be serious. Severus? Our Severus Snape hit Hermione?"

"Pounded her more like," said Ron, his temper barely reined, "And he tried to strangle her, she had fingerprints on her neck."

There was a collective gasp from the table, those nearby turning to listen as Dumbledore announced the beginning of the feast and the hall exploded into a hubbub of chatter. Ron seemed happy to take the floor, extolling how he had never once trusted their absent housemate and how they had all been duped by the cunning ploys of a Death Eater. Harry however remained silent, his mind turning over all his time with Severus and trying to find any indication that the boy would betray them. He let his glance move to the top table, seeing the pinched features of his house head as she looked over, pain written in her countenance. He moved his gaze to Dumbledore, the old wizard raising a glass in his direction with a familiar small smile but just as Harry had allowed a question to form in his eyes one of the younger Gryffindors stood near the head of the table, blocking the Headmaster from view. When the obstruction finally cleared Harry saw the headmaster turned away from him once more, talking animatedly to Professor Sprout beside him. He cursed under his breath before vowing to speak to him as soon as he could, knowing the headmaster at least would give him all the facts that had left them with two friends absent from their party.

"…and I bet anything that old Snivellus was the one who poisoned me at the Quidditch match against Ravenclaw," Ron continued, unperturbed, "He thought everyone would like him if he took the keeper's post. I always knew he was tricky."

"But he was so nice," said Ginny sadly, "He looked after me when those Slytherin boys set on me and after everything that happened at the Ministry."

"Careful he's not put the Dark Mark on you then," said Dean.

Harry frowned as Ginny all but tore the left sleeve of her blouse to reveal her unblemished forearm, relief flooding her face when she saw it.

"Here, you don't reckon he and Page were carrying on together do you?" said Dean, "Ron said he saw them together now and then."

Anger flooded Harry, unsure quite who it was against; all he knew was the conversation seemed inappropriate when none of them had yet heard the whole story and Hermione was alone in Gryffindor Tower, broken both in heart and body.

"Can we talk about something else?" he said but his cohorts remained silent and he struggled to think up a suitable topic, "Did you see the write up in the Prophet about the Malfoy trial?"

The group was silent for a moment but then Ginny, ever empathetic, picked up on his discomfort and helped him along. Soon talk had turned to the fall from grace of Lucius Malfoy and Voldemort's return, uncomfortable topics but Harry found himself happier to discuss them than his two absent friends.

xxxx

Gryffindor Tower was its usual mix of noise and hilarity as they returned for the night, the group immediately gravitating towards one of their favoured spots in the common room. Harry remained quiet as the others chatted, one large chair opposite him conspicuously vacant. He remembered how it had become Hermione and Severus' favoured perch, even before their relationship had been revealed, the size of it allowing them to sit close but comfortably. A memory came to him, all of them gathered near to one another, tired and happy after celebrating the final Quidditch match of the year and Gryffindor's victory. He remembered looking up and meeting Severus' dark gaze, seeing the light there that had been borne from the house's acceptance of him but knowing that it was also due to them finally having formed a true friendship. Bile rose in his throat as his thoughts turned once more to Hermione's battered face and the confusion her words had brought.

"…they say she's hiding because she's got a Dark Mark…"

The whisperings of two fourth year girls as they passed him caused his hackles to rise further, unable to countenance such gossip being laid at Hermione's door. He tuned back into his friends' conversation and found a similar theme, Ron still leading the accusations against Severus. Harry got quickly to his feet, barely pausing to tell the bemused faces that he was going to bed before he stormed up the stairs to the dormitories.

The room looked as it did every year at the start of term, immaculately draped in the house colours with their trunks placed neatly at the end of their beds. It would not be too long until it was a mess once more but that was not the thought that entered Harry's head as he noticed there no longer stood a bed between his and Dean's, Severus' battered trunk nowhere to be seen.

"What's really happened Sev?" said Harry to himself, "Where are you?"

His voice had clearly roused something sleeping as he heard a shuffling in the far corner. He took a step forward but got no further as a familiar feline leapt up onto Neville's bed, her fathomless eyes wide in recognition.

"Hello Lisse," said Harry, heading to the Siamese and scratching behind her ear.

The cat purred and pressed her face into his hand, soft mews of contentment floating to his ears.

"Whatever happened must have been bad for him to leave you behind," said Harry, picking her up and sitting down on his own bed, "What's happened to your master? Where's Severus, Lisse?"

The cat blinked up at him before she gave a soft, sad meow; her master's name clearly reminding her of his absence.

"You don't know either hey?" he said, absently scratching her head.

He continued to pet her silently, his thoughts turning over in his mind and growing more and more outlandish as they went. He had just decided to go to Hermione and persuade her to divulge more of the events when the door opened to admit his roommates.

"What's that bloody thing still doing here?" spat Ron as soon as he spied Réglisse.

"Leave her alone Ron, she's just a cat," said Harry, "She's hardly going to hex us."

"It's Snape's cat, who knows what it can do," said Seamus, "Kick it out in case he's cursed it."

"No!" said Neville, "She won't hurt anyone, you can't kick her out. I'll look after her Harry, give her here."

Harry handed the cat over to him, glad to see Réglisse unperturbed by her new protector, "Thanks Neville."

"I still reckon she's jinxed," said Ron, "Snape's enough of a bastard to do something like that."

"Oh shut up Ron," said Harry, a decision finally coming to him as he reached into his trunk and pulled out his invisibility cloak, "Don't wait up."

"Where are you going?"

"To get some answers," said Harry, not waiting for any further comments to stop him.

No one noticed him leave the common room, too engrossed as they were by renewing acquaintances and the latest gossip, and the Fat Lady said nothing against his common nightly wanderings. He threw on the invisibility cloak as soon as he stepped out, frowning as it felt bigger on him than ever before; the expression deepening when he realised it had been a long time since he had used it alone. Memory assaulted him once more as he remembered many-a night caught in stifled laughter with Severus under the cape, the ghost of Salazar their favoured game whenever Filch had been particularly cruel to them. He squeezed his eyes tight as the memory transformed itself once more into Hermione's face, bruised and crying, her own words laying blame at Severus' door.

He hurried his footsteps, the stairs clearly tired from tormenting the first years and allowing him easy passage to the ground floor. He heard footsteps at his back and froze, waiting with barely a breath as Professor Vector wandered passed. Her face was bored and she clearly had not the slightest notion that she was not alone. He waited until she had turned out of sight before he continued his journey, keeping to the shadows despite his cloak. The path had been well trodden by him throughout his residency at Hogwarts but it had never felt as foreboding as it did to him now. He finally reached the stone gargoyle that guarded the entrance to Dumbledore's office, the stairs down and the wards high. Harry raised his wand, pushing at the magical protection but when nothing happened he knew that the Headmaster was not within. He knew looking for him would prove fruitless and cursed that in his haste he had left the Marauder's Map in his trunk.

A thought came to him as he slumped back against the wall, reason speaking against the notion but he followed it nonetheless. Ensuring that the cloak was pulled tightly around him he headed a quickly as silence allowed towards the dungeons. Several of the older Slytherin students were still lurking in the corridors, Slughorn proving a much less menacing head of house than Severus had ever been. Harry deftly avoided them as he passed the entrance to their common room and headed to a simple tapestry that he knew hid the entrance to Severus' old rooms. Again he felt the wards, woven to prevent anyone entering. He tested them all the same, frowning as he failed to recognise any of the wards he knew Severus commonly used. He rested his forehead against the tapestry, hoping will alone would open the door and allow him to try and find anymore information than he had been so far provided to him.

Finally realising he had no hope of persuading the wards to drop by mere thought he stepped away from the tapestry and left the dim lights of the corridor, glad when he had finally exited the dungeons and the oppressive atmosphere that always seemed to hang there. With nowhere else to turn so late at night he headed back up the stairs, reaching the common room as quickly as he could and waking the Fat Lady, who grudgingly granted him access. There were still several people scattered around the room but all the faces were sleepy, the excitement of the return to Hogwarts beginning to fade. He headed to the stairs but didn't head up to the boys' dormitories, instead heading to the new door that sat to the left of the stairs to the girls' rooms. He hesitated before raising his hand to knock.

Silence greeted him and his shoulders slumped but then he heard a faint shuffling before a soft voice sounded from the other side.

"Whose there?"

"Its me Hermione," said Harry, "Can I come in?"

Silence greeted him once more before he heard the turn of a lock and the door opened and inch to reveal the less damaged side of her face.

"Are you alone?" she asked.

"Just me," he said.

The door opened a little further as Hermione stepped back, allowing him to enter. He slipped into the room and closed the door behind him, unsurprised as Hermione immediately reinstated the locks. The lighting was low but he could still see the well appointed room; a bed, larger than those in the dormitories, stood in one corner with a wardrobe and desk placed opposite. Her trunk sat at the base of the bed, its lid open and the inside decorated with pictures from the previous year. Harry couldn't help but notice that the largest of the pictures given pride of place in the centre was of Severus and Hermione on the night of the ball, the night they had finally admitted their feelings for one another. Hermione clearly saw his gaze and moved passed him to close the lid, her tired eyes questioning him.

"What can I do for you?" she said, her voice quiet in the silence of the room.

"You can talk to me," said Harry, setting his cloak down on the bed, "What happened Hermione?"

She sucked in a breath, her hand coming once more to her face, "I told you what happened," she said, her eyes bent on the carpet, "He beat me and then he left, he went back to Voldemort."

"I can understand him returning to Voldemort," said Harry, "If he got older and his mark came back he wouldn't have had a choice but are you really telling me that Severus hit you? That he could do that to you?"

Hermione turned her back on him, her hand dropping to fuss with the collar of her shirt, "That's what happened," she said, tears apparent in her voice, "We came here and the Ministry forced him to change. The second he was his old self he…he's always been working for Voldemort."

"Hermione…"

"Do you really think the more you ask the question the more likely I am to change my story?"

"No," said Harry, stepping round to face her and taking hold of her hand before she could drop it from her collar, prising her fingers from around the thin gold necklace and letting the pendant of it rest in his palm, the obsidian and diamonds that decorated the band glittering in the low light, "But you might explain to me why you still have his ring."

Hermione snatched the ring from his hand, spinning away from him once more.

"You were looking at his picture, you're still wearing his ring," said Harry, "If Severus truly did what you say surely you'd have burned the photos and got rid of your engagement ring."

"Not if I still loved him," said Hermione quietly, "Not if I…he was mine, Harry. That perfect boy, he was mine. The Ministry forced him to change and I lost him then, he became…the cursed mark, it changed him and he was so cruel and so cold. He'd lied all the time he was with us but I…I can't stop loving the boy he was."

"Oh Hermione," said Harry, feeling the tears prick his own eyes, "I can't believe he…we trusted him, he was our friend. I can't believe he did this after all we've been through together."

"We never should have trusted him," said Hermione, her voice distant and hollow as she kept her back to him, "He knows so much now, all your weaknesses and he'll pass them to Voldemort in the hope it will help him defeat you. That's what last year was all for, to get close to you and know everything that you know. I just helped him get closer."

Harry clenched his fists at his sides, anger warring against upset as the extent of the betrayal hit him, "Well when I get my hands on him…"

"No Harry!" cried Hermione spinning back around to face him and taking hold of his arms, "No you mustn't go after him, you mustn't go near him, you'd be in danger."

"He hurt you," said Harry.

"I'll heal," said Hermione, her tears tumbling down her cheeks, "And I can't put you in danger. You need to stay safe, so you need to stay away from Sev…Snape. You need to stay away from Snape. Please promise me Harry, promise me you won't go near him. Look at my face, if he's capable of this with no provocation then what else could he do?"

"I'm not afraid of Snape, I never was," said Harry.

"But I am," said Hermione, "I'm terrified, so you stay away from him. Just forget him and then maybe I stand a chance of forgetting him to. Please Harry, for me."

Harry said nothing but hugged his friend tightly, his own heart breaking at both her pain and his own, and knowing that if Severus Snape dared ever cross his path he would have as little mercy as he had shown Hermione, the risk be damned.


	2. Gifts

"Severus."

The sound of her own voice roused Hermione from her dreams, the object of them fading from view as she blinked open her eyes to find herself alone. She pressed her face into her pillow once more, a white shirt wrapped around it that she could pretend still smelled of the boy who had worn it despite her own scent having replaced it several nights before. She bit back her tears, her eyes already feeling gritty from the crying that had finally taken her off to sleep the night before. Her hand snuck on instinct beneath her collar and took hold of the ring that hung around her neck. She traced the stones, the familiar bumps well mapped by her fingertips as each pass came as a small prayer for the man who had given it to her.

She reluctantly sat up, her solitary room in Gryffindor Tower quiet in the early morning light that streamed in through the window. She scrubbed at her eyes with the sleeve of her pyjama top before she slipped out of bed, padding softly to the small washroom to the side of her room. She missed the chatter that normally accompanied the mornings at Hogwarts but she was glad of the privacy the room gave her, relieved of the need to answer questions or endure the pitying looks of her friends. She regarded her own reflection, her eyes heavy and drawn and her hair a wild mess but it was the heavy bruising down the left hand side of her face and her neck that marred her the most. She touched the finger marks on her neck gently, the approximation of the size of his hands but she doubted they were perfectly correct only having a brief time with him when he had been returned to his adult form to make any judgement.

She picked up her wand and softened the bruises on her face, the charm simple but effective, allowing her to maintain an illusion of slow healing that gave weight to the stories she was forced to tell. She refused to think of them as lies; lies implied that there was malice behind her words but the stories she had woven were designed to protect those she cared about. She had returned to Hogwarts with Severus so full of hope for their future, her engagement ring newly on her finger and a head full of youthful dreams they had woven together in the months they had spent as friends and then deeper. They neither of them had thought of the fate that had awaited them, Severus given the choice between relinquishing his youth willingly or under duress in Azkaban. He had begged and cried for his freedom but Dumbledore had stood firm, leaving them alone with the vial of potion that would restore him to his true age. They had ignored it at first, leaving the potion in the small sitting room and retreating to his old room. They had made love, the pair of them longing to block out the fear hanging over them with the act that had always brought them so much comfort but Hermione knew, even as she fell asleep in his arms, that she would not wake up to the face of the boy she had fallen in love with.

When she had woken she had found him sat alone in the sitting room, older once more but it had been the bloody mark on his left arm that had concerned her more than his age. Her heart had swelled with love for him as she realised the extent of his bravery and had broken when he had been swept from her at Voldemort's command. His return had brought her more joy than she had ever thought it possible to feel, as in love with his true form as she had been with him at sixteen but the news he had brought had left her bereft. Called to the service of Voldemort he had been forced to leave her and she had been called upon to concoct the tales she now told her friends in the hope of keeping both them and Severus safe.

She left the bathroom and returned to her room, dressing in her uniform and wondering if anyone would notice that the tie she fastened around her neck was longer than those normally issued to the girls in the school. Unable to find anything else to keep her busy she picked up her bag and headed to the door, pausing a moment to allow herself to remember when she would enter the common room to find Severus waiting for her by the fireside, his long black hair reflecting the light from the flames. She pushed aside the thought, the day already set up to be difficult enough without thoughts of happier times following her around every turn.

She stepped out into the common room, several nearby conversations halting as she was noticed but she held her head high and moved further into the room. She saw Harry and Ron sat by the fireside, the two of them in quiet conversation and still in their pyjamas. Deciding the best form of defence was attack she squared her shoulders and headed straight to them.

"Shouldn't you too be dressed by now?" she said, "You'll be late for breakfast."

"Free period," said Ron tucking his hands behind his head as he leant back in his chair.

Harry got to his feet and hugged Hermione tightly, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine Harry," she said, "And why have you two got a free, we've got…"

"Potions," said Harry, seeing the emotions that flooded his friend's face at the word, "We needed an O to get into a NEWT class. Snape made that quite clear on the first day of term last year."

Hermione nodded, congratulating herself that the sound of his name at least did not send her into a fit of tears once more, "You'll miss breakfast," she said, feigning nonchalance.

"The elves will bring something up," said Harry, "Unless you want us to come down with you?"

Hermione wanted to dismiss the offer but she knew that all eyes would be on her as she entered the great hall and she longed for the support of her friends, "I'd like it if you would," she said, "Everyone's going to be watching."

Harry nodded, "Right then," he said, turning to Ron and kicking his legs off the coffee table where he had just propped them, "Come on, we're going to breakfast."

"But you said…"

"Breakfast," said Harry heading to the boys' staircase, "We'll be back in a minute Hermione."

"Take you're time," she said, "First morning is always mad with the first years trying to work out what everything does."

Ron reluctantly followed Harry back up to the boys' dormitory and Hermione took his relinquished seat by the fire. She knew there were several sets of eyes watching her but she kept her gaze on the fireplace, the dancing flames a welcome distraction. A notion came to her that she had to push down by force, the thought of using the fireplace to floo to Severus. He had referred to his home as 'Spinners End' more often than not and she knew from his stories and the faint trace of a well-tempered accent in his more youthful form that it was somewhere north of York, it would take her moments to get there but she feared what she would find. There'd been no word from Severus since he had left Hogwarts despite her asking Dumbledore everyday for news. Severus had told her that he had been summoned to serve at Voldemort's side but she began to doubt the truth of it, wondering if he had known that he was going to his death and had offered her the comfort of another belief. Her heart constricted as she thought of flooing to his house to find him dead, the reason unidentifiable to muggle means but clear to anyone of magical ability. The macabre train of thought continued, wondering if Voldemort himself would have struck the fatal blow or allowed one of his foot soldiers to do so. She had seen a dead body before but only freshly killed and she wondered what she would find if he had been dead a week with the weather still warm. She felt the bile rise in her throat at the thought and swiftly swallowed it down, her hand flying to her neck and clutching her engagement ring.

"You're alive," she said softly to herself, "I know you're alive Severus."

She wished that there was some way for her to be sure of her assertion, longing for as little as an owl or a word from Dumbledore that he had heard from Severus. She had hoped that he would have gotten word to her somehow, even managed to slip into the school in the dead of night but if he had done he had not had the chance or the ability to come to her. She bit back the threat of tears, knowing she would have to busy herself in the hope of pushing them away once more. She reached into her bag and pulled out her diary, knowing the timetable within by heart already but checking it over once more. She could not, however, drag her eyes away from the first lesson she had. Potions. It had been her first Potions lesson of the fifth year when she had watched her Head of House and Potions Master thrown across the room by an exploding cauldron, the first time she had seen her acerbic teacher as the youth he had once been. She remembered the first time he had thrown back the long curtain of raven hair, revealing his pale, aristocratic features that had her immediately intrigued. She wondered if she had loved him from the outset before he had ever uttered a kind word to her, before she had ever felt the strength of his slim fingers curl around her own, before…

"Bloody hell Mione, that's a lot of classes."

Ron's voice dragged her from her memory and she looked up as he prised her diary from her fingers, his expression confused as he regarded her timetable.

"Why've you got so many lessons?"

"Some of them are private lessons," said Hermione, getting to her feet as Ron handed her back the diary.

"Private lessons?" said Harry.

"I'm being advanced," said Hermione, "I'm going to take my NEWTs at the end of this year rather than next."

"You're leaving us?"

Hermione shook her head, "No, just taking my exams early and then I'm going to apprentice for a year under Professor Slughorn. I want to be a Potions Mistress and Dumbledore…he said he'd help me."

"Wow that's amazing," said Harry, "Not that you're not brilliant. I bet you could have taken your NEWTs years ago but I've never heard of Dumbledore advancing anyone."

"Its not common," said Hermione, "But he decided, with what happened, that it would be better for everyone if I wasn't a student for much longer. At least this way I only have to hear everyone talking about me for a year."

"If anyone says a word you don't like they'll have me to deal with," said Ron, puffing himself up ridiculously.

"I don't need anyone to fight my battles," said Hermione sharply before she softened, "Sorry Ron."

"Come on," said Harry, "Lets get downstairs before all the food is gone, I don't fancy eating something the owls have already been at."

Hermione forced a smile as she followed. The halls of Hogwarts were as busy as ever, noisy as the first years tried to find their way around whilst those who had been in residence previously called to friends from other houses that they had yet to be able to greet. Several conversations hushed as she passed but Harry and Ron pressed close to her on either side and she was glad of their support. The great hall was alive with movement, people scrambling for the choicest options for breakfast and sharing stories of the holidays. Hermione raised her eyes to the teachers' table, the sight of Professor Slughorn sitting in what had been Severus' seat jarring her despite it being a year since he had vacated it. Her eyes followed the line to Minerva, older once more and looking pinched and strained, Hermione allowed herself a moment of cruelty in believing that it was the suffering of her conscience that gave her such a look. She didn't linger long enough to catch the Transfiguration Professor's gaze but she clearly already had the Headmaster's attention as he raised his glass to her. Hermione scowled, unwilling to forgive his part in Severus' absence despite him having honoured the promises Severus had asked of him the night he left.

She quickly took her place, settling herself between Harry and Ron and reaching for the coffee pot. She poured one for herself before she turned to her left, pausing only when she saw the cup already filled with tea, Harry's preferred drink. She slowly placed the pot back down and warmed her hands around her own cup, realising she would probably have to face so many moments of memory as she went through the day. She heard her friends talking to her and her own responses but they were distant; it was only the arrival of the mail owls that seemed to stir her from her reverie. She rarely got messages by owl, her parents never brave enough to venture to Diagon Alley to send her mail, preferring to send the messages via the muggle post that reached a friendly point just outside Hogsmeade and was then transported to the castle. It was a shock therefore when a heavy package landed on her empty breakfast plate.

She looked around her, wondering if maybe an owl had dropped the package early and missed its charge but everyone had their own mail and paid no heed to hers. She looked down and her heart stilled, recognising the familiar spiky handwriting and before she had a chance to fully comprehend her actions she was ripping at the plain brown paper. A book fell from the package but nothing else and she felt a momentary pang that no letter fluttered down from it. She was glad however that there was no evidence of the sender as Harry lent over to look at the book.

"What's that?" he said picking up the somewhat shabby tome, "Ancient Potions and their advancements. Is that a set book?"

"For my private tuition," said Hermione, "Its hard to come by so I had to get it second hand."

"It's a bit…decrepit," said Harry with a sniff.

"Its well loved," said Hermione, taking back the book and running a hand reverently over the cover, barely covering the smile that came to her face, "I'd better get to Potions. Can't have old Slughorn thinking I'm given over to being late if I want to be his apprentice."

Hasty goodbyes followed her as she left the hall, far too early for the start of lessons but she didn't care for the appearance, knowing that most would attribute her swiftness to the desire to be alone with her pain. She hurried to one of the many hiding places she and Severus had taken advantage of, secluding herself between the wall and the pillars that obscured her. She sank to the floor, stuffing the paper wrappings into her bag before she propped the book on her knees. The cover was shabby and the spine a heartbeat away from breaking, a well loved and well thumbed book and she trembled as she thought of how often his hands would have caressed the volume, eagerly learning all that was within.

"Severus," she said almost reverently as she opened the cover, the pages crackling with age.

Almost immediately his handwriting greeted her, notations and advancements on the potions listed within the pages. She smiled at the familiar image, so often had she shared his heavily annotated potions book. She continued to flip the pages, pausing now and then to read his alterations to the methods within. She paused however on turning a page as she found something out of place, a folded piece of parchment that looked far newer that the pages it was nestled within. With trembling hands she picked up the parchment and unfolded it. The note was short but she smiled all the same.

'To P.B. I miss you. Love always. D.B.'

She felt tears in her eyes at the note but for the first time in days they were tears of happiness rather than sorrow. He was alive, he was missing her and he still loved her. She stroked the book once again, realising it was probably from his private collection and it warmed her heart that he would send her something he clearly loved. She closed the book and pressed both it and his note against her heart, cursing the sound of the bell that called her to her first lesson when she was forced the relinquish the moment of contentment. She got to her feet, concealing the note in the book once more and placing them both securely in her bag, and headed swiftly to the dungeons. She felt light on her feet as she all but ran down the stairs, the first into the dungeons but the dim light did nothing to dispel her mood. She was brought to a halt though as she passed the entrance to Severus' chambers, sensing the wards as she grew closer. She could break them with ease if she wanted, Dumbledore having shown her when she had demanded to be allowed to access his rooms whenever necessary but the fact that it had been Dumbledore rather than Severus to tell her the charms reminded her once more that he was not behind the doors.

She hurried along to the Potions classroom, knocking politely on the door before stepping inside, Professor Slughorn already on the raised platform by the blackboard.

"Good morning Professor," she said softly, catching his attention.

He looked up and offered her a nervous smile, "Good morning Miss Granger," he said before he added an after thought, "How are you feeling dear?"

Hermione managed a smile, having little doubt that her professors would have been appraised of her invented situation by Dumbledore, "I'm fine thank you Professor," she said, "Keen to start the year and focus on my exams."

"Yes I must say I was pleased when the Headmaster told me that you would be tutoring early for your NEWTs," said Slughorn taking her hand and leading her to a seat near the front where several cauldrons were bubbling away, "And of course I was honoured to hear that you were wishing to apprentice in Potions. I may have only had you for part of a year but I was always impressed by your intelligence. Of course I can't take all the credit, Professor Snape tutored you for many… oh my dear forgive me."

Hermione raised her hand to still the apology though her heart constricted at the sound of his name, "Its alright professor," she said, "Professor Snape taught me a lot and I can't expect people not to mention his name."

"Even so, what happened to you," said Slughorn, "What he did…"

"I'd rather not be reminded," said Hermione, grateful as she heard the sound of feet outside before the door opened to admit the other students.

Hermione waited for the throng of pupils to quiet down, her anger threatening her as she thought of Severus' name being so badly damaged. Slughorn began the lesson, rattling away about the structure of the year for their NEWT studies and how difficult they would prove to be. The lecture was interrupted as the door opened once more to admit Harry and Ron, the both of them a surprise addition to the class and unprepared as Slughorn sent them to the cupboard to borrow the often battered class books in place of their own. Hermione turned her attention back to her teacher, not bothered as she noticed the boys scuffling, no doubt being childish over the borrowed book's binding. As soon as Slughorn posed a question as to the nature of one of the potions she placed her hand in the air, academia a welcome distraction however it was the nature of the potion that once more threw her. Amortentia, she had read about it and began to rattle off its properties barely realising her own words as she spoke.

"Its rumoured to smell differently according to what attracts the person," she said, "For example I can smell new parchment, freshly mown grass and…"

She trailed off, realising she was so close to just saying Severus' name, the unique scent of him permeating the air around her and bringing a heat to her cheeks as it stirred so many vivid memories. She hastily stepped back from the cauldron, glad that Slughorn didn't hesitate to continue his lecture as the other girls gathered gravitated towards the powerful draft.

The revelation of how near she was to revealing her secret hit her hard and she barely realised that they had been set a task, Slughorn offering them a vial of Liquid Luck as the prize. She knew the theory surrounding the Draft of Living Death, Severus having introduced her already to the majority of the NEWT syllabus over the summer but she had never made an attempt herself. She set her focus on the task, immediately missing her partner's presence as the brewing grew trickier. She was not the only one struggling, groans issuing from various students as their attempts went awry. The only one not struggling was Harry as he streaked ahead of them all with a confidence he'd never shown before. Hermione risked a glance over to his workstation after one particular triumph and caught sight of his borrowed text book, the familiar spiky writing leaping out from the page.

Confusion hit her as he seemed unperturbed to be using a book annotated in Severus' hand when the night before he had been fit to kill him but she soon realised that he had not recognised the script. It had been she who had written their owls to Harry over the summer, signing Severus' name on his behalf, and other than the odd occasion Harry had never had any cause to make any close scrutiny of his friend's hand. She smiled a little to herself as she thought of Harry still being guided by his friend but the thought was cut short as her own potion was left neglected and began to bubble a thick, lurid green.

The lesson finally concluded and Hermione cursed all her distractions as her potion rivalled the first years in its execution whilst Harry surpassed them all, earning him the vial of Liquid Luck. She felt a pang of jealousy that he had succeeded with Severus' inadvertent help, knowing how difficult time was going to prove without him by her side.

xxxx

Several weeks had soon passed by, the daily life of Hogwarts seemingly having all but forgotten the presence of Severus Snape but for Hermione it was not so easy to forget either the boy or the man as each turn brought a memory to her. She had not heard a word from him since she had received his gift of a potions book on her first day back at lessons and Dumbledore maintained that he had heard nothing of relevance either. She was glad her lessons took up so much of her time, her week only offering up two free periods when she was not either in her normal lessons or the private lessons that were preparing her for her NEWTs. Homework ate into her evenings and she found she had ample excuses to retreat to her room whenever the common room grew too overwhelming. She did find solace in her studies, the advanced lessons challenging her although her tuition in both Transfiguration and Defence Against the Dark Arts riled her. Dumbledore refused to trust Page with Hermione alone and had therefore taken it upon himself to instruct her however, more often than not, he would send a last minute message to say he would not be able to make her class and she was left doubting if she would ever be ready for the practical part of her exams.

Transfiguration was proving even harder for Hermione, despite her teacher being present at every lesson. Professor McGonagall had resumed her position as Transfiguration Mistress at the beginning of term and Head of Gryffindor House and Hermione was required to see her not only for her private Transfiguration lessons but also for weekly sessions to review her progress. Although she maintained a polite façade, Hermione could not forgive or forget the older witch's actions that had been so complicit in Severus' face. The air was always strained between them and Hermione knew it would not be long until one of them broke.

The bell sounded but the class of sixth years were strangely silent, at odds with the rest of the school as they rushed to their next lesson. Professor Irina Page ruled the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom with an iron fist, most classes managing to lose at least ten house points for the most inane of crimes. Silence was paramount unless spoken to and practical work seemed to be part of the curriculum that Page was choosing to ignore. Even the Slytherins slunk from her classroom with bruised egos, none gaining favour in her eye despite her outside affiliations.

Hermione was glad when she finally stepped out of the dim classroom and the volume of her classmates gradually increased, all of them bemoaning the presence of their teacher.

"She's worse than bloody Snape ever was," said Seamus from a few paces ahead of her, "At least that greasy old git at least let us do something in his lessons even if he was a bastard."

Hermione winced at his words, the boys having quite happily pushed aside their friendship in place of cruel remarks and victimisation. She hated not being able to offer a retort in his defence but was glad at least that the comments were kept to a minimum when anyone thought she could hear. Dean and several of the Hufflepuff boys joined Seamus, sport clearly to be found in comparing the two teachers before speculating on their crimes as Death Eaters.

"I'll tell them to shut it if you want me to," said Harry at her back.

"It wouldn't do any good," said Hermione, hugging her text book a little closer to her, "Besides, they need to blow off a little steam after that lesson."

"I bet Snape taught Page all she knows anyhow," said Ron, always happy to get in a jibe whenever Hermione didn't seem too depressed.

"I'd rather we just didn't talk about him," said Hermione, "I'll see you at lunch."

"Why don't you come to the common room for a bit?" said Harry, "We've got a free."

"I've got a meeting with McGonagall," said Hermione, "Hopefully it won't take too long."

"Then promise to come to the common room after," said Harry, "We never get to see you these days."

Hermione hugged him tightly before turning and repeating the same with Ron, "I'm sorry," she said, "I'm just so busy and, well, I just wish people wouldn't go so quiet when I walked into the room. I'll try to come by after my session though."

"Please," said Harry, "I know why you didn't want to celebrate but everyone is upset that we didn't get to see you on your birthday, especially your seventeenth."

"Its just another year Harry," said Hermione, "There'll be other birthdays. I'd better go."

The boys offered no further protest as Hermione left them, pushing her way through the sea of students who were hurrying to class. The sun was still warm as it beat down on the Transfiguration courtyard, the place a suntrap as it filtered the light into the surrounding walkways. Hermione slowed her steps, enjoying the growing quiet as lessons started and prolonging the time she was away from her House Mistress. It seemed whenever she was with the older witch she had an internal soundtrack of Severus' desperate sobs playing in her ear, the boy distraught as he had realised the extent of the betrayal from a woman he looked upon as a sister. The pain was increased for Hermione as McGonagall play-acted the innocent, never once mentioning her year as a student or the events of the night that had seen her age restored.

Finally Hermione's own abhorrence of tardiness caught up with her and she headed towards the office just off the Transfiguration classroom, knocking sharply on the open door.

"Ah Miss Granger," said McGonagall looking up from a pile of essays on her desk, "Do come in and take a seat."

Hermione crossed the room silently and perched on the chair placed opposite the desk, her hands folded in her lap. McGonagall set aside her essays and picked up a small blue journal bearing Hermione's name, opening it to a page already half populated with her latest grades.

"Professor Flitwick was particularly complimentary on your Charms paper this week," said McGonagall peering over her spectacles at Hermione, "He's keen for me to enquire whether you are certain of your choice of apprenticeship for next year."

"Potions is my choice," said Hermione, "I won't change my mind. I am more than happy to apprentice under Professor Slughorn."

"Very well," said McGonagall, "Your marks have certainly held their own in Potions as in all subjects except for Defence Against the Dark Arts."

"Well with Page as my teacher I could take on another Basilisk and she wouldn't bat an eyelid," said Hermione, "You can't really expect a Death Eater to give a Gryffindor the benefit of her good opinion."

McGonagall frowned but said nothing, scribbling a small note next to Hermione's Dark Arts marks. Hermione didn't bother to strain to see what the note said, knowing that regardless of any of her teachers' opinions Dumbledore would allow her to take her NEWTs as part of his agreement with Severus. The older witch set her quill back down on the desk, steepling her fingers in front of her.

"Your private classes are also showing good progress however I am a little concerned that you have taken on too much," said McGonagall, "Madam Pince has raised a concern that you have often been in the library until very late at night."

"As a NEWT student I'm entitled to be in the library until eleven at night and I wouldn't imagine it would be a surprise that I would be in there," said Hermione.

"Its not a matter of permission or of necessity," said McGonagall, "Your work ethic is one that cannot be questioned however I do think you are missing out on other important parts of your student life."

"If my marks are adequate, I cannot see why anything else should cause concern."

"You were always a very sociable young woman," said McGonagall, "But this year it is obvious to all of us that you have grown quite withdrawn."

Hermione felt herself tense, "With the gossip that was rife about me at the beginning of term I can hardly be blamed for that."

"The best way to deal with gossip is to face it head on," said McGonagall, "In a year you will be an apprentice and removed somewhat from your peers. It is important that you have some society in your life. I would encourage you to look to your friends and whatever could grow from that friendship."

Hermione felt her blood run cold, "Professor are you suggesting I should pursue a relationship?"

"Well there are a lot of nice young men in your year and…"

The older witch trailed off as Hermione took a sudden breath, her eyes wide with shock and dismay.

"I have just lost…" began Hermione, "How can you even suggest that I would want some…some fling?"

"I understand that you were fond of Severus but after all that happened…"

"Don't you dare presume that you know what happened between Severus and I!" cried Hermione, leaping to her feet, "How can you just sit there and pretend that you had nothing to do with what happened, pretending like you're my mother? If I wanted your advice Minerva I'd ask for it."

"Might I remind you, Miss Granger, that you are talking to one of your professors."

"Oh go to Hell," said Hermione vehemently before she turned on her heel and headed for the door, ignoring her teacher's calls for her to stop.

She knew she should turn back, apologise but anger burned righteously through her veins, blaming all her ill fortune on the woman who had found the cure that had taken Severus away from her. She didn't know where she was heading but she knew that McGonagall wasn't following. The corridors were empty, classes in full swing and those students with free periods either outside in the sunshine or in their common rooms, so no one stopped her even as the tears began to tumble down her cheeks. She kept up her frantic pace, finding herself descending into the dungeons and hurrying passed the Slytherin common room. She swiftly broke the wards on the door to Severus' rooms, throwing it open and hurrying inside. She slammed it closed behind her and swiftly reinstated the protective charms, pressing her back against it when she was certain no one could enter.

The room was dark and cold and she shivered in the silence before she raised her wand and whispered a quiet lumos. The shadows were chased to the corners of the room, the light illuminating the old overstuffed sofa and the book-lined walls. Any other time Hermione would have been in a seventh heaven when faced with so many exquisite tomes but even books held no delight for her as her senses were assaulted by his lingering scent, the feel of his very presence in the room. She left the doorway, crossing the room swiftly until she reached the small bedroom she had slept in the night Severus had been forced to leave. The sheets had been changed, no doubt the work of the elves before Dumbledore had locked up the rooms and Hermione mourned the loss of them, wanting the drench herself in the memory of him in the hope of chasing away the pain that besieged her. Her tears struck her once more and she fell onto the neatly made bed, curling into the pillows and allowing herself to mourn.

xxxx

Hermione woke to the familiar feeling of gritty eyes and a scratchy throat, not needing long to remember that she had cried herself to sleep in Severus' bed. She blinked in the dim light and moved, pausing only when she felt a weight spread over her. She groped quickly for her wand, encountering layers of warm, soft wool before she found it and quickly illuminated the room. She sat up, the covering dropping to her waist and she frowned as she recognised the familiar shape. She gathered the material to her, pressing her face into the folds and losing herself in the smell of them.

She heard the faint sound of a voice in the room beyond and it broke her indulgence, the timbre distorted by the now closed bedroom door. She pushed off the black teachers' robe that covered her and got to her feet, heading slowly to the door with her wand in hand. She pressed her ear to the door but the voice was still too low for her to make out. A mix of anticipation and fear gripped her, anticipation that she would find the man she had been crying for and fear that the passageway he had once used to reach Voldemort had been discovered and the school had been breached by those looking to do them harm. She placed her hand on the door handle but didn't open it, stealing her courage and pulling the most effective immobilising spell she knew to her mind. She pushed down gently; glad the door didn't creak as she pushed it open slightly.

Light flooded through the small crack, blinding her slightly as her senses caught the smell of the lit fireplace. She risked opening the door a little further and peered out, seeing Dumbledore sat on the sofa before the fire, the light from the fireplace and the candles that illuminated the room reflecting off the half moon spectacles he wore. Hermione knew she had given herself away despite her silence as his eyes suddenly turned to her and he smiled gently.

"Ah Miss Granger, you're awake at last," he said, "I trust you're well rested."

"Yes sir," she said almost automatically as she opened the door fully, "I heard voices."

"Indeed you did my dear," said the old wizard but Hermione's attention was drawn from him to the chair that had been facing away from her.

She gasped, dropping her wand as a familiar figure rose into view, dressed in his once customary black that had been replaced by jeans and colourful shirts during his regression.

"Severus?" she all but whispered as he turned to face her, his smile a rare gift in his adult form.

"Hello darling."

The rich sound of his voice seemed to be the catalyst as Hermione crossed the short distance to him and leapt into his waiting arms, his embrace solid and real as he lifted her from her feet. Hermione said nothing, unable to trust her own voice, instead cleaving to him with a need borne from their weeks of separation, revelling in the feel of his strong hand as it stroked her wild hair. He at least seemed to find his voice but the phrases were few if comforting.

"I'm here. I'm sorry. I'm here."

"I believe I am surplus to requirements," came Dumbledore's more measured tones, "Severus if you would discuss with Miss Granger all that we have talked of."

"Yes Headmaster," was the distracted response but it was enough as Hermione heard the familiar crack of apparition and knew they were alone.

"Severus," she said against his neck where her tears were already soaking the thin white shirt beneath the high black collar, "Oh God I thought you were dead, I was so afraid for you."

"I'm sorry, I couldn't get word to you or Dumbledore, I've been so closely watched," he said, the pair of the sinking to the threadbare carpet, their hold on one another unyielding, "I've wanted so desperately to come home to you."

"I missed you," said Hermione, threading her fingers into the fall of his raven hair, "Its been so hard without you, lying to everyone, missing you, worrying for you."

"I'm sorry," he said again, gently moving her face from his shoulder to meet her gaze, "Please don't hate me for it, I came back as soon as I could."

"I don't hate you, I'll never hate you," said Hermione her thumb catching errant tear that broke from his eye, "But its been so hard."

"Dumbledore told me about the story you've had to live by," said Severus, "I never meant to make a liar of you Hermione."

"Its alright," she said, a small smile coming to her face, "I knew I had to, it kept you safe. I haven't stopped thinking about you."

"Me either," said Severus, his fingers slipping to her chin to better tilt her face to his, "I love you."

Hermione didn't answer him but pressed her lips to his, the connection settling a balm over the cracks in her heart that the separation had created. She was still unused to the feel of his kiss but the emotion soon replaced everything else and she shifted until she was held more surely in his arms, her body pressed against his as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She heard him whispering her name between kisses and it sparked her inner copycat, his name tumbling from her own lips with a joy that came from being able to say it out loud to anyone but herself. Their kisses moved from tentative to certain and Hermione didn't resist as he lowered her towards the floor, his body settling over hers. His weight was another reminder of his presence but as much as she longed to keep hold of him she instead pressed her hands to his shoulders, lifting him from her.

His faced flashed with hurt before it was replaced with resignation as he sat up, "Forgive me," he said, "I don't mean to rush you. I know it's too soon."

Hermione couldn't suppress her smile, reaching up to tuck a strand of his hand behind his ear as it fell in his face, "Silly man, its nothing like too soon but your floor is hardly the comfiest of places," she said, sitting up as he moved back from her.

The firelight caught his hair, streaking it with russet tones that reminded her of his moment of rebellion when he had dyed his hair in the summer. She fussed the soft strands, their length shorter than they had been then but he leant into the touch just the same. He turned his face and pressed a kiss into her palm and then her wrist, pausing to feel the jump of her pulse.

"Hermione," he said, her name still sounding alien in his far deeper tones, "So much has changed since we were last together. I'm so much older than I was and you've been through so much already. I love you and I want you but if you need to walk away from this then do so now and I will understand. I cannot go back to what I was, I can't be that boy for you anymore."

"I didn't fall in love with a boy," said Hermione, her free hand coming to his cheek to keep his gaze on hers, "I knew who you were and you might have looked and acted younger but you were always there underneath. I told you the night you changed back that I still loved you and that hasn't changed. I miss how you were, I won't lie but I miss it because like this you can't be with me everyday. Don't push me away Severus, don't try to convince me not to love you. Even if this visit is brief, even if I don't get to keep you, I want my fiancé with me now."

"All of seventeen and already wiser than me," he said, resting his forehead against hers, "And before you call me an ass for it, yes I know I missed your birthday yet again."

Hermione laughed, "At least I got my present," she said, "I love the book."

"That was just a back to school present," said Severus, "I got you something else for your birthday."

"Can it wait?" she asked, smiling at the confusion on his face before she took mercy on him and popped the top button on his frock coat, "I've got something else I want to unwrap."

"When did you get so forward?" said Severus though he made not attempt to stop her hands as they continued on his buttons.

"Since you left me with nothing but dreams to keep me warm at night," said Hermione, "Besides, I've got a lot to learn about you, last time we were a little too rushed."

"So your request then, Miss Granger," he said prying her hands from her task and setting to work on the clasp of her robe, "Is for your former Potions Master to carry you into his room and let you put your insatiable curiosity to good use?"

Hermione whimpered as he pushed the robe from her shoulders and began to loosen the knot in her tie, his voice stirring the memory of many an adolescent fantasy. She caught his smile at her incoherence before he swept her easily from the floor, her weight seeming little to him as he carried her across the room and into the darkened bedroom beyond.

xxxx

Despite how badly the day had started Hermione found its conclusion to be far more pleasing as warm, sure fingers traced the curve of her waist before moving upwards to her shoulder and then her chin, tilting her face up into a soft, lazy kiss. Several hours beforehand she had woken alone in Severus' lonely room but the shadows had since been chased away as the pair of them had spent their time together reassuring one another that their reunion was anything but a dream. They had been slow in their attentions towards one another, reminiscent of the summer afternoon of their relationship's discovery, Severus giving her time to discover the differences his age had brought to the boy she had known. Hermione had not been disappointed in her explorations, he was taller and stronger than his adolescent form but treated her with no less tenderness and the similarities she found by far outweighed any disturbance she felt by his differences.

"What has got that fuzzy head of yours ticking over?" came his lazy drawl, "I can practically hear the cogs whirring."

Hermione smiled, "Just replaying recent events," she said, her smile widening at the barely masked pride on his face, "You've got some stamina for an old man."

"Will my apparent age be brought up at every opportunity?" said Severus, his eyebrow arched in playful question, "I'll get a complex."

"And you've got enough of those already," said Hermione, squealing in shock as the hand that hand that had been resting gently against her waist suddenly became intent on tickling her, "Stop it, that's not fair!"

"Not until you promise to keep the old man jokes," said Severus continuing his assault.

"Alright I promise," she managed between giggles, holding him place as he made to move away, his body looming over her as she lay back against the pillows, "You know I'm only joking about your age though. I don't care how old you are Severus, not one bit."

"We can't pretend this won't change things," said Severus, "Here it might not matter but out there…"

"Out there can suck it up and deal with it," said Hermione vehemently, "I love you and I'm not giving you up… unless that's what you want?"

"What?" said Severus as he heard the hardness settle into her voice.

"You've not told me why you came back," said Hermione, "And you keep trying to push me away even after what we've just done. So I want to know what this is Severus? One last time before you run off to join your Death Eaters again?"

She knew she'd hurt him as his face grew solemn and he rolled away from her, sitting up on the edge of the bed with his back to her. She wanted to reach out to him, comfort him but hurt and anger had reinstated themselves in her blood and she knew she had to force him to answer her.

"They're not my Death Eaters Hermione," he said finally.

"But are you still with them?" she asked, "I saw your mark, much as you tried to hide it, are you still serving him?"

"I don't have a choice in that," he said, "Its not some club you can leave when the conversation gets boring. I have to serve Voldemort, or at least be seen to serve him until he's defeated. I will never be free of him."

"You're free of him now," said Hermione.

"No he knows I'm here," said Severus, "He's the one who sent me."

"What?" said Hermione.

"Voldemort sent me here under strict instructions to win back Dumbledore's trust and reinstate myself as a teacher in the school."

Hermione sat up, hugging the sheets to her chest as she shifted closer to him, stopping short of touching him, "But you said Voldemort had insisted he had to keep you at his side because he couldn't trust you," she said, "You survived being called back to him by a hair's breadth."

"He's a very resourceful wizard," said Severus, "And Page is disappointing him. He's had no decent information on the school since he entrusted the duty to her and so he's elected to send me back in. I'm on a far tighter leash but I can come back."

"But that's wonderful," said Hermione, forgetting her anger and wrapping her arm around him, her palm resting over his heart, "You can come home."

He turned to her, his face solemn as he regarded her, "If it was only that simple," he said, "I am coming home, I will be teaching at the school again but things will not go back to the way they were. You and Dumbledore alone will know the truth, everyone else would be better placed to distrust me as they do now otherwise I risk Voldemort's discovery and then everything will be lost."

"But you'll be home," said Hermione, "You'll be with me. Severus we can be together."

"I'll be your teacher Hermione."

"Then I'll enjoy Potions even more than I already do," she said, placing a finger to his lips as he went to speak, "I won't expose us. I can be as cold to you as you'll need to be to me in class. Dumbledore would not have left me alone with you if he was going to insist upon the school rules."

Severus managed a weak smile, "No he wouldn't," he said, "We were talking for a long time while you were sleeping. He has agreed that we can continue to see one another so long as we're discreet, I somewhat bribed him on that fact. I don't get you; he gets less of my cooperation. Its been agreed that I won't be marking any of your work so their won't be any favouritism for him to worry about."

Hermione frowned, "So how will I get my Potions marks? My apprenticeship?"

"I'm sure Professor Slughorn will continue to dote on you as he currently does."

"So you'll be working with him?"

Severus shook his head, "No, I won't be in Potions," he said, "I'll be working with Page."

"Page?" said Hermione, "You mean you'll be the Dark Arts teacher?"

"One of them," said Severus, "She and I will be working together. Voldemort's idea. She'll be my keeper so to speak."

Hermione was silent, the information both surprising and disturbing her. Severus tugged her into his arms, holding her tightly as he gave her time to process all that he'd told her, feeling her soften slightly as she returned his embrace.

"So you'll be home but working with Page. You'll be my teacher but we'll be allowed to see one another if we keep it a secret," said Hermione pressing her lips to his shoulder, "All in all I don't think we've got that bad of a deal."

Severus laughed, "Ever little miss bright side aren't you?" he said, "I'll be watched at every turn and I'll be at Voldemort's bidding. I will have to keep so much from you because you'll be far too vulnerable if I tell you everything and you will come to resent that."

Hermione shook her head, "No I won't, not if its what you have to do," she said, "I'm not some silly girl Severus, I'm choosing to see the good in this because if I focus on the bad how can I be the rock that you're going to need when you're forced to work for him?"

Severus moved back to see her face, concern etched into his features, "I don't expect you to carry my burdens."

Hermione took his hand from around her and brought it to the chain about her neck, his fingers tracing the shape of the engagement ring he had given her in the summer, "You asked me to be your wife Severus," she said, "If I can't help you carry your burdens then who can?"

Severus traced the chain back upwards until he cupped her cheek in his hand. He kissed her, the touch far surer than it had been and Hermione knew he had been waiting for a sign that convinced him of her commitment to him. She didn't blame him, she knew enough of his past to know their had been few who had genuinely loved him and his fear had been that she was with him through a sense of duty rather than through love. He had soon lowered her back to the bed and conversation was forgotten as they were joined once more, their pace as slow as it had been before but filled with a certainty they had been missing.

When they finally lay silently in the dark room Hermione deliberately moved so that her ear was pressed over his heart, the slowing beat a comfort to her as he trailed his fingers through her hair. She found his other hand with hers, bringing it to her lips and pressing a kiss to the back of it.

"When do you start teaching again?" she asked.

"The beginning of October," he said, "I need to report back to Voldemort tonight to let him know I have won back Dumbledore's trust and then I will be reinstalled as it were. It will be strange, teaching again."

Hermione smiled, "It will be an experience to watch you menace everyone when I know how kind you really are," she said, "I'll have to use all my acting skills to be scared of you."

"I'll be relying on you," he said, "We'll have to be so careful that we give nothing away."

"I'll have to practice disillusionment charms a little more, otherwise I'll never get down here to see you."

Severus laughed, "Planning on sneaking into your professor's room Miss Granger?"

"Well unless you plan on sneaking through the Gryffindor common room to mine, sir?"

"Oh I know a way into yours," said Severus, helping her to sit up, "Get dressed and I'll show you."

Hermione gave him a quizzical look but knew he would not impart any more knowledge until she had obeyed. She dressed in her uniform, moving faster than he did and pulling him to her as he shrugged on his long black frock coat. She deftly fastened each of the tiny buttons before she smoothed her hands over the rich material, her eyes running over the familiar silhouette. She lifted her face to his, standing on tiptoes to kiss him.

"You're so much taller than me now," she said.

He smiled before his hands closed around her waist and he lifted her with ease, "Better?" he said, kissing her again.

"Definitely," she said as he lowered her back to her feet before he took her hand and lead her from the room, back into the living area they had left hours before.

He retrieved her wand from the floor and handed it to her before he pulled her bag onto his shoulder, waving off her protest with a look that reminded her of her Potions lessons when she had bombarded him with questions. He led her towards his fireplace and extinguished the flames, helping her to step inside before he reached for the floo powder held in a small bowl on the mantle.

"Hermione's room," he said clearly before they were swept into the swirl of the floo network.

The journey was brief and Hermione was glad as they hit solid ground once more, surprised to find herself in her own room despite his words.

"But how…?"

"Dumbledore," said Severus quietly, as voices echoed from the door beyond, "Your room is connected to mine so you can floo to me or we can talk through the network if we need to."

Hermione smiled, "That's wonderful," she said as he took her hand and led her to the bed, sitting her down on the mattress before he did so beside her.

"When I come back we will need to decide on the safe times we can be with each other," he said, "I will need you to be patient at times."

Hermione nodded, "I will," she said, with a smile, "Even if I only get to see you for a few hours a week at least I'll be with you."

"I'm sure we can manage more than a few hours," he said, "But we must be cautious."

"We will be," said Hermione.

Severus brought his fingers once more to the chain around her neck, tracing the shape of her engagement ring, "Even knowing I will return in under a fortnight doesn't make it any easier to leave you."

"Do you have to go?" said Hermione mournfully as she already knew the answer.

"I'm expected," he said, "But if all goes well I may have a little more freedom. I may be able to owl and if I can come back to the school I will. If you find a rose on your dresser you'll know I'm waiting for you in my rooms."

Hermione smiled, "You really are a romantic thing," she said before she kissed him, knowing she would be longing for the touch when he finally left her.

"Try not to look too pleased with yourself when you head to dinner tonight," he said when they finally broke apart, "You're meant to be horrifically scarred by the events of August."

Hermione schooled her expression into a mockery of sadness, "Will this do?" she said before a true frown took her features, "Oh my I've missed lunch and my afternoon classes, everyone will wonder…"

"You've been at a private meeting about your NEWTs with Dumbledore all afternoon," said Severus, "You discussed your marks, private lessons and your apprenticeship."

Hermione relaxed at his words, glad she didn't have to think up any excuse, "Of course," she said, "How could I forget?"

"Good girl," he said before he smiled sadly, "I really must go."

Hermione wanted to protest but nodded, "Take care of yourself," she said as they both got to their feet, "Don't give Voldemort any reason to doubt you."

"I won't," he said, "And I'll owl if I can."

His kiss when it came was one of farewell, firm yet without the passion that had taken them to his bed, a reminder that he would return to her as soon as he could. He stepped back into the fireplace and gave the direction for his rooms, disappearing in the flash of green flame. They hadn't said goodbye, the word would have proved to hard for them but the kiss had been enough. Hermione felt the smile on her lips as she stepped away from the fireplace, flopping down on her bed with a contented sigh. Her hand fell on something unfamiliar and she sat up, smiling at the neatly wrapped box that she had not seen him place on the bed. She realised he must have shrunk the box to fit it in a pocket before a brief wand-less spell had restored it when she was distracted.

She opened the paper and the box therein, another book revealed to her but this one was paperback and muggle in nature. She smiled at the language text, modern Chinese but it was the note inscribed in the cover that made her heart flutter.

"Shanghai, our first point of call when we go travelling and we will go travelling, I promise you. Thought you might want to get started. Happy Birthday my darling. I love you. Severus."

She was glad that he still held hope for their plans, their lives so fraught with worry that a dream was necessary for them to cling to. With a brief glance at the time she knew she had a while before dinner and propped herself back on her pillows, determined to have a few phrases down before she next saw him.


	3. A Working Relationship

Severus' visit had buoyed Hermione's hopes greatly and she was sure her delight was blatantly obvious despite the mask she still kept in place. Several days passed and she spent the majority of her free time in the company of her friends, Harry and Ron especially glad to have her back amongst them. She enjoyed the familiar chatter of the common room, Quidditch the topic of choice with the trials approaching on the weekend. Ron was applying himself to the challenge with a gusto Hermione wished he had shown for his OWLs, many an hour spent studying books of tactics to better learn the techniques he would need to regain his place as keeper.

The only concern that reached Hermione was the looks they kept receiving. She had grown used to the curious or pitying stares but she had long since removed the charm she had woven to make herself look bruised and those stares had lessened. The attentions of Cormac McLaggen, a boy from the year above, had first raised her protective nature as she worried that it was Harry he was watching. Dark thoughts began to plague her that the Death Eaters had infiltrated Gryffindor Tower but she knew if such a threat existed Severus would have gotten word to her regardless of the risk to himself. It was only when she headed to her room to retrieve a textbook one night that she realised that it was her his eyes were following.

She blushed as she met his gaze but not from any mutual attraction, merely through the uncomfortable thought of how much she would have to fight him off now she was considered available. His attentions continued over the days moving to the weekend, Hermione often finding him in places she had previously found herself alone in and she took once more to her room despite her friends' protests in an attempt to avoid his blatant stares. She was glad she had done when not half an hour after she had retired she heard a tapping on her window, opening it to admit a steely black raven that hopped down onto her dresser before proudly presenting its leg. Hermione unwound the piece of parchment before she stroked the soft feathers on its chest. The bird indulged a moment under her attentions before it hopped back onto the window ledge and flew off into the night with a shriek of farewell. Hermione returned to her bed, the pictures she had been looking at spread out on the pillow, happy memories of her and Severus at Christmas when he had returned to her Oxford home with her.

She rolled out the parchment, recognising the charm upon it that had shrunk it to a portable size. She picked up her wand and ended the charm, the parchment increasing in size and the faint black lines becoming a familiar spiky script. She settled back, enjoying the letter Severus had sent as he spoke of nothing in particular except to go over their happier times, the both of them clearly in need of something to cling to. He reaffirmed his date of return to the school and signed off with an expression of love that had Hermione convinced he could rival any poet but she knew she was somewhat biased. She raised her head from the study of his words, almost amazed to find herself alone when his voice had seemed so clear to her. She looked down at the pictures scattered around her and picked up one that showed them both sat beneath the ornate Christmas tree their arms around one another in an embrace that showed to anyone their feelings despite them being unable to admit it to themselves. She smiled at the image before gathering it and the others up, along with the letter, before she set them all into a small wooden box and charming the lock to ensure that only she could open it. She set the box at the base of her trunk before she changed into her nightwear, hoping that it would not be long until she would be able to fall asleep at Severus' side rather than alone.

Morning dawned dull and grey but Hermione for once did not feel reluctant to begin the day. She all but bounced out of bed and pulled on her warmest clothes, having promised Ron and Harry that she would watch the Quidditch trials from the stands. Grabbing her wand, she stamped into her shoes and headed into the common room, the atmosphere once more feeling inviting to her and the student populace seemed content to move onto newer gossip. She knew when Severus returned as a teacher the talk would no doubt start up again but it would not bother her when she knew that he was safe within Hogwarts with her.

The room was already noisy and conversation was predictably Quidditch focused, several people running books on the outcome on the trials, the absence of the Weasley twins clearly not dampening the Gryffindor hunger for a wager. Hermione bypassed several trying to tempt the sickles from her pocket, seeing Ron already sat by the fireside, his head once more stuck in a book.

"People are going to think that you and I have swapped personalities," she said.

Ron didn't look up but seemed to believe that a grunt was a sufficient response to her comment. Hermione shook her head in amusement as she settled back into a chair, glad to see Ginny and Harry heading over to them, the pair in conversation. She saw the attraction between the two of them even if they didn't see it themselves and hoped that Harry would find the support he would need over the coming years in the young woman he was becoming so close to. She felt a slight pang that their romance could play out in broad daylight with no reproach whilst hers would remain behind closed doors but her security in Severus' love made the notion slightly easier to handle.

She smiled as the pair finally joined them, Ron not even responding to Harry's greeting as he continued to focus on his book. They spent a while talking over the trials and Harry's predictions for his team until Ron barked at them all that he was nervous enough without their chatter before he stomped off to the pitch. They all followed him, the majority of Gryffindor house making for the doors with a cacophony of good humour despite the weather that was set to meet them outside.

Hermione finally split from her friends as they reached the pitch, heading up into the stands to watch the trials. She paused on the stairs at the sound of a shout and saw a gaggle of the younger Gryffindor girls swoon slightly as one of the seventh years wandered passed in his robes. She frowned however as she realised just who they were swooning over but did not turn away quickly enough, Cormac throwing her a smile as he met her gaze. Hermione was sure that on any other girl the smile would have had the desired effect but it only made her feel awkward, not wanting the attention he still focused on her. She headed swiftly up the stairs, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a pair of well-loved, red velvet gloves. She slipped them on her hands and smiled, knowing that Cormac would soon be far from her mind. Luck however seemed to be conspiring against her and she felt the boy's eyes on her even as she sat on one of the highest points from the pitch. Dozens of other girls were gathered around her, all of them dying for some attention from the boy's who were trying out, and she wished one of them would catch his eye.

The number of females in the stands perturbed her further realising that so few were out on the field competing for a place on the team. Had she had any desire to fly she would have taken herself into the trials but the heights expected of the Quidditch players put her off the pursuit but she still wished she could head to the field in the hope of putting aside the growing title of airhead that seemed to be commonly applied to Gryffindor women.

Harry finally called the group to order and the trials began, the hopefuls all pushing themselves hard to gain favour in his high. Hermione's eyes strayed to Ron, able to see his nerves even though he was so high overhead. She knew the position of keeper meant a lot to him, his application to the task having been paramount, but as she watched she knew that his nerves were getting the better of him. As the trials went on Ron continued to save goals on more luck than skill whilst Cormac, the boy opposing him, managed to do so with more than a little finesse. Hermione smirked to herself as the older boy once more showboated his talents, remembering how Severus had played when he had stepped up for the Gryffindor team and knowing that he could easily outplay even the seventh year's skills. She briefly allowed herself to imagine him walking out onto the pitch, young once more, before taking flight and showing Cormac how it was truly done. The whimsy passed however as a groan went up from the crowd, Ron barely managing to save a goal that threatened to sail right passed him.

With the number of goals conceded evenly tied Hermione knew that Harry would need to pick on apparent skill and that, should Harry be as fair as he was required to be as Captain, would mean Cormac would take up the mantel of keeper for the season. Hermione however had no such rules placed upon her and as a reward for her friend's dedication she whispered a small confundus charm as the chasers sped once more towards Cormac's goal, the boy losing his concentration and letting the quaffle sail passed him. A cheer went up from the spectators around her and Hermione was pleased to see so many showing their support for Ron. She was amused to see Lavender seeming especially taken with him, the girl not a particular favourite of Hermione's but she was glad to see Ron receiving attention over his famous friend for once.

The trials finally ended and Hermione waited with all the spectators as Harry finally stepped up to announce his team for the year. She cheered as loud as any of them as Ron was named the keeper, Cormac sloping from the field even before Harry had dismissed those who had gathered to compete. Hermione felt no remorse for her actions however, knowing Ron had worked hard for the role he was now given. She left the stands with the others, choosing not to push her way through the crowds to the changing rooms as the team was treated like a group of minor celebrities, instead she took a leisurely walk back up to the school.

Her mind had begun to wander as she reached the bridge and she failed to hear the footsteps behind her until they quickened to catch her and she felt a wand pressed to the base of her spine.

"Going somewhere Mudblood?"

The voice was familiar though she was unsure of the name, one of the seventh year Slytherin boys that had taken to terrorising anyone who crossed his path. She had little doubt his confidence was due in part to Voldemort's growing power, very few of those in Slytherin house not bearing a connection somewhere to the Dark Lord.

"Leave me alone," said Hermione, keeping her voice as measured as she could.

The wand pressed tighter to her back as he stepped closer, warm honeyed breath catching her senses as he leaned in close to her ear, "No I don't think I will," he said, "You're quite a legend in our house you see."

"I can't see how I would interest anyone in Slytherin."

"Harry Potter's little friend who became a Death Eater's whore," sneered the boy.

Hermione bristled, "I was no one's whore."

"No?" he said, "My father told me that Snape regales them often with the tales of you. How you begged him to kill you even as he took you. How you screamed. How you cried. How you…"

Hermione cut short the vile diatribe as she elbowed her assailant sharply in the ribs, whirling away from his grip and pulling out her wand before he recovered herself. He cursed and aimed a hex at her but Hermione dodged it with ease, glad to see several of her house approaching the bridge. The Slytherin clearly thought better of continuing his assault and disappeared back towards the castle. She gathered herself quickly, not wanting to cause a scene and turned back to the castle herself, her wand gripped slightly tighter in her hand.

xxxx

The warmth and cheer of the common room had soon dispelled Hermione's worry over her encounter with the Slytherin boy, reminding her that she was surrounded by friends who would protect her regardless of what she was keeping from them. She longed however for Severus' presence in their midst once more, even before their feelings had grown he had been a calming and comforting influence for her, his true age given weight and wisdom to his words as a teenager. The pang was not as sharp as usual though as she let her hand slip into her pocket and curl around the tie that she kept there.

She returned her attention to the Prophet, the stories becoming darker as the months went on but she took comfort that at least everyone was aware of the Dark Lord's return and preparing for what could come. In the light of the fire she sat beside she could almost pretend that the paper was no more than a story book, dark tales of disappearances and deaths something to give a playful fright before bedtime. Ron continued to waffle on about his success at the trials, sat on the sofa both Hermione and Harry leant against with an air of authority he had not often displayed before. It amused Hermione greatly that gaining a position on the house team seemed to hold the same weight as being called up to the National side in Ron's opinion at least. Harry dutifully indulged his friend, looking up now and then from the book in his hands to answer Ron's questions on tactics for the coming year.

It had given Hermione great comfort to see Harry still carrying Severus' book with him as though it was a long lost friend despite the advantage it gave him over all of them in Potions. He had still not worked out its owner but stuck to it anyhow, making Hermione wonder if the words reminded him of the former friend she was sure he still missed. He leafed through the pages nightly, sometimes scribbling notes of his own alongside the spiky script. Hermione made a note to tell Severus of the book's fate when she next saw him, hoping it would offer as much comfort as it did to Harry.

The boy seemed to be in deep study on one particular page but, despite several surreptitious glances, Hermione could not make out any of the words in the firelight. He was sounding out a word quietly to himself, spacing out the syllables as though trying to work out their meaning. Hermione turned back to her paper, smiling as Ron once more tried to turn the conversation back to his victory, before Harry leaned over to her.

"Hermione," he said, holding open the tatty book and pointing to a word Severus had written within it, "Do you know what this spell is? Sectumsempra?"

Hermione's blood went cold, immediately recognising the spell even though Harry did not. Her mind brought to her unbidden the image of Severus, bloodied and battered, after Remus and Sirius had saved him from Lucius' attack. Sectumsempra had been the spell Lucius had used to cause the worse of the damage, a spell of Severus' own design that had ripped through flesh and bone to damage his lungs and his heart to a point where they could only just be repaired. He had told her much of his invented magic in private after that, telling her of the dark spells he had created in an attempt to ward off the onslaughts from James Potter and his band whenever they chose to make him a victim. He had forsworn such magic long before Hermione had set foot at Hogwarts but its legacy haunted him, a legacy it seemed would now be passed on.

"No I don't," said Hermione, her attitude to the book changing when as she realised the dark place Severus' mind had been when he'd written in it, "And if you knew what was good for you, you would hand it in. Give it here."

"No," said Harry, snatching it back, "The binding is delicate."

His unusual reaction to a book soon prompted the attention of Ron and Ginny sat nearby, Harry more likely to toss a schoolbook on the floor than demonstrate any sort of affection towards it. Hermione followed as he got to his feet; trying to persuade him to hand the book over but he evaded her. An ally however soon appeared and Hermione stepped back as Ginny deftly snatched the book from Harry's hand. She opened the cover and read the inscription on the front page.

"This book is the property of the Half-Blood Prince," she read, "Who's the Half-Blood Prince?"

The rest of the conversation was lost on Hermione though she knew Harry had soon retrieved the book from Ginny's possession, what bothered her more was the identity of the Half-Blood Prince or more precisely why the title was written in Severus' hand.

xxxx

The identity of the Half-Blood Prince became a hot debate between the friends but the talk made Harry more guarded over the book and Hermione got no chance to see it. She began to doubt whether it was truly Severus' handwriting she had seen and even began comparing it to others, the elegant cursive more rigorously taught to generations before her and for all she knew their could be half a dozen of Severus' former classmates who wrote almost identically. She had even taken herself off to the library in search of tales on wizarding royalty but her research only compounded what she knew, there was no royalty in the wizarding world, half-blood or otherwise. She had amused herself by thinking up a rags to riches story for Severus, the little boy from the wrong side of the tracks actually a lost prince but the notion was as ridiculous as any fairy story and swiftly dismissed.

She longed to ask him to explain the book's heritage but she had received neither an owl nor any other indication of him since he had sent the note containing his love and worry was beginning to set in. Dumbledore was as elusive as ever and she never got a moment alone to ask him if he had heard from him. The first of October was swiftly approaching and rather than happy anticipation Hermione felt only dread, a fear welling in her that he would not appear and she would be left unknowing of his fate.

The day dawned cold and as she woke, Hermione looked over at her dresser, hoping to see the rose he had promised to indicate she could come to him. She had sat by her dresser for much of the night, barely resisting the urge to floo to his rooms and see if he was there, but sleep had finally overtaken her and she had retired to her bed. The dresser still sat barren in the thin morning light and Hermione pulled herself from her bed with a reluctance she had not felt in weeks. She dressed prettily however, not wanting him to see her looking careworn and ill-rested both in concern for his worry and her own vanity.

Breakfast was its usual affair and the line up of teachers remained unchanged, all the seats filled and not a spare to be seen. Dumbledore never met her gaze despite her constant attempts to catch it and no announcement was made to welcome Severus back. She trudged to her classes almost mechanically, her mind elsewhere even in her most treasured subjects, her eyes on either the clock or the door in the hope that either time or providence would bring him to her. Lunch was the same affair as breakfast; all the teachers present but Severus was not in their midst and Hermione's heart sank further.

"Bugger, we've got old Page next," mumbled Ron next to her, "I wish Fred or George were here, I could go for one of their puking pastels right about now."

"I never thought I'd hate a Dark Arts lesson," said Harry, equally morose, "I miss Remus, he was a great Dark Arts teacher."

"I'd have even preferred Snape," said Ron, "He's a bastard but at least he'd let us do some practical work if only to tell us that we're rubbish."

Hermione felt herself brighten at his words, wondering perhaps if Severus had gone for the slightly less dramatic of the two entrances he could make. Rather than sweep into the main hall at dinner he would turn up in their class, allow the word to spread slowly of his return amongst the disbelieving students. She knew she would have to keep her composure, remain in her seat when she saw him on the dais with Page rather than run to him, but the joy at seeing him again would be hard to tamper down. They would both need to act as though the past had never occurred, him once more the acerbic professor whilst she needed to demonstrate her fear of him, cementing her tales of his cruelty when all she wanted to do was tell the world the truth.

With much more of a spring in her step, Hermione headed for her final lesson, Dark Arts for once seeming an appealing way to end the day. He would be cruel to them, he would hector Harry as he previously had and he would even risk being a little extra cruel to her if only to compound their stories. She'd take whatever he could throw at her because she knew that night she could go to him, be with Severus rather than the Professor Snape he was forced to show the world. She had taken her seat before she even realised the room was slightly brighter than usual. She cast her eyes to the dais and realised that Page, ever on time, was missing and Professor Sprout stood in her place.

"Now settle down sixth years," she said over the murmur of surprise that was wending its way through the students, "Take your seats."

They all did so in record time, all of them glad to have a friendly face before them even if it meant they'd be working on pre-set reading all lesson.

"Very good, very good," said Sprout, "Now as you can see Professor Page isn't here today unless the dear girl has gained a few pounds since you last saw her. However, there is no drama, merely a last minute meeting with Professor Dumbledore so you needn't worry for her safety. You might need to worry for your own though whilst you have me in charge, its been a while since I've been in a Defence classroom but I'll have you all know I'm a fair hand with a wand when I want to be."

The murmur rose up again in the room as Professor Sprout took out her wand and waved it with what could be taken as either menace or promise.

"Now all of you on your feet and push your tables to the side of the room," she said, her words meeting with blank looks at the thought of a practical lesson after so long, "Come on, come on, no dawdling. Time waits for no witch or wizard however young they are."

Hermione joined her classmates in pushing the tables to the side of the room, all of them returning to the centre as Professor Sprout levitated a small covered pot into the centre of the room. The cover flew off in a flourish and they were left facing a rather sickly looking plant that writhed slightly in the light of the room. Hermione however recognised what it was and felt little surprise when Professor Sprout charmed the windows so the room fell dark, lit only by the candles. The plant began to grow instantly in size, tendrils and tentacles growing until it began to creep upon them all.

"Now then sixth years," she said, "I taught you how to handle Devil's Snare in your first year but how well do you all handle it when there's no light to be had and you don't have your wands."

All their wands were ripped from their hands and sped to the desk at the front as more and more of the tentacles reached towards them but none of them had any fear, knowing they were about to have more fun in a Defence Lesson than they had had in a long time.

xxxx

Hermione was sure many of the other students who had not been in their Defence class were wondering what on earth had happened to the group as they wandered into the Great Hall for dinner. They were all in disarray and at least one piece of uniform apiece was bearing a hole or two but they were all joyous and triumphant, having defeated the plant even after it had had a good go at defeating them. Sprout had awarded points to almost everyone present and both the Slytherin and Gryffindor counters stood gleaming with pride behind the teachers' table. Hermione had almost forgotten her worry for Severus in the hilarity of the lesson but as she clocked several empty chairs, including the Headmaster's it began to set in four-fold.

The room was just settling down to eat when the large door flew open, the Headmaster stood there as heads began to turn and the collective gasp sounding as he was flanked not only by Professor Page but the familiar dark figure of Severus Snape. Hermione felt her heart stop, her eyes drinking in the sight she had been denied for too long. A hand gripped her arm tightly and she turned to see Harry's face set in a fury she had witnessed before, the boy clearly longing for vengeance against her alleged suffering. She wanted to correct him, to tell him that all would be well now that Severus was home but she knew the façade had to be kept in place and she covered his hand with hers, hoping he believed she was seeking his comfort rather than holding him in place.

Dumbledore led the pair down the hall and Hermione was reminded of when she had first seen the teenage Severus in his uniform being led along the same path. He looked far more confident now though, his sweeping black teacher's robe flaring out with each step he took. Murmurs ran through the hall but none dared get to their feet, Dumbledore's grim set face seeing that they all remained in their places. Even the teachers looked shock at their approach, Minerva ashen and Trelawney babbling in confusion to her colleagues on either side. Hermione turned in her chair as they passed, Severus a hair's breadth from her but he never looked her way or reached out for her. Harry and Ron on the other hand were now both pressed closely to her, a ring of defence over the perceived threat he posed.

The finally reached the teacher's table and Hermione felt a pang of jealously as Severus gallantly pulled out a chair for Page before he sat down beside her, the two of them seeming the best of friends as they shared several quiet words. Dumbledore approached the golden lectern, hush descending on the room at the sombre look he gave them all.

"None of you could have failed to recognise Professor Snape who has this night agreed to return to his teaching position at Hogwarts," he said, "He will however not be returning to his former role of Potions Master but undertaking the teaching of Defence Against the Dark Arts with Professor Page. He will not be renewing his mantle of Head of Slytherin house, that role will now pass to Professor Slughorn. I'm sure you will find both your Dark Arts professors more than qualified to prepare you for your NEWTs and your OWLs. Professor Snape will be in classes from Monday and will be restarting the duelling club with Professor Page, all interested should sign up at the board they will find in their common rooms."

Low murmurs of discontent passed through the hall but Dumbledore seemed to ignore them, his attitude as jovial as ever as he instructed them all to eat. The Headmaster went to his seat, falling into conversation with McGonagall on his right hand side though the deputy headmistress seemed to be only absently answering him as she tried to peer round at the two additions to the teachers' table. Hermione let her eyes drift to Severus but he did not look up to meet her gaze, instead he remained in low conversation with Page, the pair of them looking as though no enmity had ever existed between them.

"I can't believe Dumbledore let him back in," said Harry pulling Hermione from her study of Severus.

"Do you reckon he's confunded him or something?" said Ron, "Dumbledore knows what he did to Hermione."

"Well whatever reason we won't let him near you," said Harry, placing an arm around Hermione's shoulders, "He takes one step you don't like and teacher or not I'll kill him."

"No you won't," said Hermione a little too quickly, "Just leave it Harry alright. He won't come near me, I'm sure of it. Whatever reason he has for being back he knows there'll be too many people watching him to try anything. It's going to bad enough with what everyone is going to say without you making it worse."

"We only want to keep you safe," said Harry.

"You'll be with me in class," said Hermione, "I only have three periods a week in Dark Arts, three hours when I have to see him. I can cope with that."

"You're so brave," said Ginny, reaching across the table to take her hand, "After what he did to you."

"Let's not mention that," said Hermione, tears flying to her eyes at how badly her stories had tarnished his reputation, "Just forget he's here."

Her three friends tried as best they could to turn the conversation onto any other subject but both Harry and Ron were too riled to stay off the subject of Severus for too long, the pair of them shooting filthy looks towards the teachers table. Several of the other Gryffindor boys had moved over to them, a ring of steel around Hermione that she didn't want or need but was moved by all the same though. Their words however began to cut deep, insults directed at Severus and wilder and wilder stories based on half-truths they'd heard or thought they'd heard. The list of Severus' alleged victims had neared fifty when Hermione broke, leaping from her chair with a plaintive cry that caught the attention of nearly everyone in the room. Everyone fell silent and Hermione knew that even the teachers had heard her but she dared not turn to look at her, knowing that if she caught Severus' gaze she would either give them away or compound her own pain when he ignored her. Instead she fled the room, hoping that he would be able to follow when dinner had ended.

She reached her room swiftly and her eyes went to her dresser on instinct but there was no rose there. She wrung her hands in front of her, toying with the thought of heading to his rooms but she knew he would not have been able to leave regardless of how worried he might be about her. He would be forced to feign indifference despite the worry her outburst would have raised in him and guilt rushed her at the thought of the position she had put him in. She sat on the edge of her bed and tried to calm her ragged nerves, reminding herself that dinner was not far from ending and that he would be able to excuse himself as soon as he could without the headship of Slytherin house hanging over him. She was glad he had not taken back his former position as house head, his loyalties to Gryffindor apparent in the decision even though Dumbledore had not announced it. The removal of the obligations of house head would also give him far more free time in the evenings and on the weekend, time Hermione hoped he would share with her.

She finally calmed herself enough to reach for a book, allowing herself to be drawn into it as time passed by. It was only when she heard voices in the common room that she came back to herself and began her waiting once more. The fireplace remained stubbornly lit, the flames neither dying nor being replaced by the green tinge that preceded the arrival of someone by floo. She tried to turn back to her book, rationalising that he may have been caught by one of the teachers or Dumbledore and unable to remove himself from their presence. As time passed further her thoughts darkened, one of the boys who felt the need to protect her having gone to seek him out and now either Severus or the both of them lay hurt by the ensuing battle. Her heart beat a little harder against her chest and she couldn't dispel the last image. She went to her door and opened it a crack. Careful not to attract anyone's attention she peered around into the common room, relieved to see anyone she would suspect of going after Severus sat by the fireside.

She returned to her room, bolting the door and lingering a little facing it, hoping to feel strong arms encircle her waist, the soft laugh in her ear that she hadn't heard him appear from the floo. Neither sensation came though and Hermione turned back to the empty room, her eyes drawn to the fireplace every time she tried to look away from it. She didn't know how long she waited but the common room beyond began to quiet and the candles were burning low when she got off her bed once more. She headed to the fireplace and extinguished the flames with a wave of her wand. She took a handful of floo powder and, before she could question herself, she gave the direction for his rooms. She barely held back a scream as she raced along the fireplaces before she hit the ground hard, all but tumbling onto the threadbare rug in front of Severus' fireplace.

The lights were up but the room was empty, her heart sinking as he was not there to greet her. She took a moment to look around and noticed the light filtering from beneath the door that led to his bedroom. She smiled and righted her skirt before she began to head towards the door. Her hand was almost on the handle when she heard a voice but it was not the deep timbre she was used to, instead a soft and familiar female voice met her ears. She hastily backed away but could not reach the fireplace in time, instead concealing herself behind the large sofa and praying that she wasn't seen.

The door clicked open and she heard two sets of footfalls, one heavier than the other. She didn't dare look up but she already knew that the lighter footed person was Irina Page, her voice unmistakeable from months of her lectures in class, but the presence of her in Severus' rooms was alien.

"We will have to be vigilant Severus," she said, her voice far more of a purr than the harsh tones Hermione was used to, "There is much that the Dark Lord wants us to achieve this year."

"And we will achieve it," said Severus, "But you must have patience. I spent much time studying their behaviours this past year. Potter is far too conscious of our presence at this time and far too prepared for us to attempt anything. Observation is our greatest ally right now."

"I will follow your lead in this of course," said Irina.

"Then perhaps it best that you leave now," said Severus, his voice coaxing rather than demanding, "Dumbledore would be better placed to believe we are acquaintances alone. I hope to regain some of his trust, I can better understand his plans that way."

"Goodnight then," said Irina, crossing the room to the main door.

"Goodnight Irina," said Severus, bowing her out before he closed and warded the door behind her.

He leaned back against the woodwork, running his hand over his face with a sigh before he pushed away from the door and crossed to the fireplace. He put his hand into the pot that contained the floo powder but the fine grains simply slipped between his fingers as he pressed his forehead to the mantle.

"No," he said quietly to himself, "Leave her be."

Hermione watched unseen as he extinguished the lights with a wave of his hand before he headed into the adjoining bedroom, the door closing soundly behind him. She remained unmoving for a long time, trying to fathom out why he had not gone to her rooms when she was sure he knew she would be waiting for him but more prominently, why he had been alone in his rooms with Irina Page.

xxxx

Saturday passed in a blur, Hermione sleeping away the morning having tossed and turned all night after returning to her own rooms. She had warred with herself when Severus had returned to his bedroom, half of her wanting to go to him but the other half reminding her that he had not gone to her when he had the chance. She ventured as far as the great hall for lunch, her eyes immediately heading to the teacher's table but he was absent from the group. Page however was sat between Flitwick and Hagrid and Hermione was glad that wherever Severus was he was alone.

Her friends tried to coax her into a conversation but they soon gave up, all of them assuming her quietness was down to Severus' return and the memories that brought up in her. She longed to tell them the truth, if only to ask for their advice as her emotions continued to conflict one another. She had thought when Severus had told her that he was returning to the school that her nights would be spent at his side but instead he was absent, not even a note sent to her to explain. She wished she had never ventured to his rooms, the thoughts of the reason why Page had been there plaguing her.

She wanted to see him, to ask him to explain but another part of her didn't want to know and so the afternoon and the evening found her sat alone in her room, her eyes never far from the fireplace as she waited for him to emerge. It was gone midnight when she could not sit and do nothing anymore and she headed with determination to the fireplace. She took up the floo powder and gave the direction for his rooms, proud that she avoided screaming and she headed to her destination. She hit the grate hard but kept her feet.

The room was dark but she swiftly cast a charm on the candles and illuminated the room. She took a moment to allow her eyes to adjust but as she did her heart sank as she realised the carpet before her was covered in blood.

"Severus!" she cried in alarm, not caring for discovery, "Severus?"

She followed the bloody trail as it led to his bedroom, terrified of what she would find. She opened the door to the dim room beyond but the light from the living room was enough to illuminate the bed and the figure slumped on it.

"Severus," she said, feeling tears spring to her eyes.

"Hermione?" he said almost in surprise, trying to push himself up to look at her.

"No, lie still," said Hermione as she saw the blood on his face, the collar of his white shirt stained red, "What happened to you?"

"Voldemort was bored," he said thinly, "And I got in the way."

"Oh my God, look at you," she said, noticing the dark stains on the front of his frock coat that indicated to more blood beneath, "We need to get you to Madam Pomfrey."

"No," said Severus with a shake of his head, "I'll be fine, I'll…"

He trailed off as he gasped in a breath of pain, his body contorting beneath him. Hermione didn't hesitate as she climbed onto the bed, supporting him as she laid him back on the covers. She hushed him gently before she moved her hands to the buttons of his coat, swiftly unfastening them.

"What are you doing?" he said as Hermione pushed aside the heavy black material to reveal the bloody shirt beneath.

"Taking care of you," she said unfastening the shirt and trying not to further injure him as she parted it, "Oh Severus."

"Hush," he said, "Its not as bad as it looks and I've had worse."

"I don't care if you've had worse," said Hermione brushing away her tears, "I hate that you're so resigned to it."

"Believe me," said Severus, "I was one of the lucky ones."

Hermione steeled herself, pushing down her innate curiosity that wanted to ask what had befallen the others involved, "Let me get you cleaned up," she said, getting to her feet and heading towards the back of the room, "Is the bathroom through there?"

Severus shook his head before pointing to a door that was half hidden by the shadow of the room, "Through there," he said.

Hermione headed to the door and opened it, finding a modest bathroom but she did not linger long to explore. She filled a small basin with water before she opened the small cupboard, knowing Severus well enough to know he would have supplies on hand especially after returning to Voldemort's service. She returned to the bed and set the basin on the nightstand. She gently cleaned the cuts that zig zagged across his torso, clearly made by a wand rather than a knife in their precision. She closed several with magic but some still had to be bound and it took her an hour before she was satisfied that she had fully treated him. They talked quietly as she did so, Severus enquiring into her schoolwork and the general news of their friends and Hermione answered him, knowing he was trying to distance himself from the memory of how he had sustained the injuries.

She had just finished tying off the last bandage when she heard his pained groan, seeing the tension on the muscles of the arm she was treating.

"He had the Cruciatus on you, didn't he?" said Hermione, her hands gently soothing the tension in his arm.

"Not for long," said Severus, "The pain will pass."

"Can I make you up that potion?" said Hermione, "I don't want you to have to suffer when you don't have to."

"It'll take at least an hour to brew," said Severus, "I've not had time to brew anymore myself."

"I've got a cauldron in my room," said Hermione, "If you give me the formula and the ingredients, I'll make it for you."

Severus got tentatively to his feet, taking her hand and leading her back into the living room. Hermione kept hold of his arm, worried that his balance would be affected by his injuries. He smiled down at her and patted her hand where it rested on his arm.

"I'm glad you came down," he said, "I'm sorry I haven't come to you."

"I missed you," said Hermione, pausing by the bookcase, "I…Severus please don't be angry with me."

"Why would I be angry?" he said, turning her to face him, his large hands dwarfing her shoulders as he took gentle hold of her.

"I came down here Friday night," said Hermione, her eyes on the carpet, "You were here with Page."

"But I never saw you."

"I arrived just before you came out of the bedroom," said Hermione, surprised when she heard him chuckle.

"Did you indeed Miss Granger?" he said releasing her shoulders.

Hermione raised her eyes to see him pluck a book from the shelf before he handed it to her. He pulled the potions text that masked the door to the cabinet before reaching inside, pulling out several jars and bottles, handing several to her. He turned back to the bedroom and led her in, heading to the door she had mistaken for the bathroom and opening it. Hermione followed him inside, wondering at his silence but she was soon distracted by the sight that greeted her.

She found herself not in another living room but in a fully functioning laboratory, several empty cauldrons lined up on a long bench while one bubbled away underneath a stasis charm. Severus set the jars he carried on a clear countertop before taking those Hermione carried from her and setting them and the book down. Hermione felt his fingers on her chin as he gently tilted her face to his.

"I know what's in your mind Hermione Granger," he said, "And I want you to know that this was the only room Page spent any time in. She and I are forced into a pretence of allegiance but it is all the act you know I have to present now. Don't doubt my fidelity darling, I'm yours."

Hermione blushed, feeling her youth far more keenly than she ever had with him, "I know, I'm sorry," she said.

Severus kissed her softly, "Do not apologise but from now on whatever concerns you, tell me, do not wait until you cannot hold it back any longer," he said, "My whole life must be dishonest now, save my time with you."

Hermione leant into him, her arms lightly around him as she avoided causing any stress on his injuries, "I will," she said before she felt the tension take his muscles once more, "You should go and lie down. Point out the potion to me and I'll bring it to you when it's ready."

Severus presented her with the page she needed before he pressed a kiss to her brow, returning without argument to the bedroom beyond to rest. Hermione studied the potion's method, realising how difficult the brewing would be and her heart swelled with pride that he trusted her skills enough to let her brew it for him. She was soon immersed in her task at the exclusion of all else and she failed to notice Severus occasionally move to the door to watch her, pride in his eyes at the ease with which she handled the task. Hermione made sure to make enough of the potion to store and poured it carefully into several bottles before transferring a single dose into a glass.

She cleaned up after herself before returning to the bedroom, smiling as she saw Severus asleep on the bed, the covers pulled up only as far as his waist. Hermione felt her heart swell at the sight of him, safe and protected for once despite the injuries he had sustained. She was loathed to wake him but knew that he would suffer if she didn't, reaching out to gently shake him.

"Come on sweetheart," she said softly, "Take this and then you can go back to sleep."

Severus blinked awake, "I've barely seen you," he said, relenting as Hermione helped him to take the potion.

"You'll see me when you wake up," said Hermione, "I'll be right beside you."

"You won't sleep well next to me tonight," said Severus, "I've never had a good night even with the potion."

Hermione smiled over her shoulder at him as she crossed to his wardrobe and opened the door, "Then it's a good job tomorrow is Sunday," she said, reaching into the wardrobe and pulling out one of the crisp white shirts.

Despite the months they had spent together his return to adulthood had made their relationship seem almost new and she modestly slipped into the bathroom to change from her clothes and into his shirt. She returned to the bedroom, finding the lights far lower than they had been when she left it, the softness of it relaxing her as she realised just how tired she was after her weeks of worry. She crossed the room and slipped into the large bed, rolling on her side to face the man beside her.

"How long has it been since I've had you with me like this?" said Severus, extinguishing the lights with a wave of his hand.

Hermione smiled, reaching for his hand beneath the covers, "Too long," she said, "I've missed you."

"I'm back now," he said, "And with luck Voldemort's demands will dwindle somewhat."

"And then I get to spend every night with you," said Hermione, glad when the statement was graced by one of the rare smiles she knew few had seen from him in his adulthood.

"Whenever we can," said Severus though the reality of the statement did little to dampen the mood, "Get some sleep, we can talk more tomorrow."

Hermione leaned over and kissed him softly, "Welcome home Severus," she said resting back on the pillow but he did not answer, sleep already having claimed him and she was happy to follow.


	4. Making Time

The night was far from restful, Severus waking often with the residual pain from the Cruciatus curse however each time he woke Hermione was beside him and would ease him through the agony with a patience and gentleness that made each episode easier than the last. The pain finally settled and Severus was pulled into a far deeper slumber than he had enjoyed for over a month, knowing that for a time he could enjoy some measure of safety. It was the smell of coffee that roused him finally, a hand on his brow as he fought the pull of sleep that still kept a hold on him.

"Take your time," came Hermione's familiar voice, "There's no rush, its still early."

"What time?" he said, frowning at how scratchy his voice sounded.

"Barely nine," said Hermione, "Breakfast hasn't even started yet."

"You stayed all night?" he said, finally forcing his eyes open to see her sat on the bed still dressed in his shirt instead of her own clothes.

"I wasn't about to leave you when you were in such a mess," said Hermione, "Besides, it wasn't much of a contest; wake up alone in my room or wake up with you here. How are you feeling?"

"Like I did ten rounds with a cave troll," said Severus as she helped him to sit up against the pillows, the bruises across his body having darkened over night and leaving evidence of Voldemort's actions for anyone to see, "I need to move a little quicker next time."

"If I ever get my hands on that…"

"You get anywhere near Voldemort and you'll be running in the other direction, do you understand me?" said Severus cutting her off before she could voice her threats against the Dark Lord, "We've lied to Harry to stop him attempting any sort of vengeance, I don't expect you to be winding yourself up into a vendetta in his place."

Hermione smiled, "I doubt I'd ever follow them through but I am allowed to want to batter anyone whose hurt you, you know," she said, righting one of the bandages the covered one of the deeper cuts on his arm, "I hate seeing you hurt sweetheart."

"Seems I have a little nurse to aid me when I am though," he said taking her hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it, "I'm sorry if I disturbed your rest too much last night."

"I'm sure I'm quite used to you disturbing my nights," said Hermione releasing her hand from his and laying it over his heart, "Though maybe for another reason."

Severus' eyes fell closed as she moved her hand and pressed a kiss in its place, trailing her lips upwards to his throat.

"When you're recovered you can disturb all my nights if you want," she said.

"I'm an old man Miss Granger," said Severus, moving her face up to his, "I might not be able to keep up."

Hermione laughed, "You're not old Severus," she said, kissing him before she sighed, "And it'll probably be me dropping dead from exhaustion, I've got so much work with everything being accelerated but I'm enjoying it, without you work was all I had."

"You have your friends Hermione," said Severus, concern etching itself on his face, "Harry, Ron, Ginny, all our friends."

"Friends who I'm lying to," said Hermione, as her face fell, "Friends who cannot say a kind word about you. The only person I can be honest with is Dumbledore and I still hate him for what he did to you. He took you from me, took you from us and its not fair. Its not fair!"

"Hush," said Severus as she broke, gathering her to him as she wept, "Hermione don't cry."

"It's been so hard," said Hermione, her face pressed into her shoulder, "Sometimes I'm in class and I look up and it's almost a shock to see Ron or Harry next to me rather than you. I just want things to go back to the way they were. We were so happy."

Severus rocked her gently, whispering nonsense into the wild curls of her hair. He felt his heart breaking for the girl before him, the burden of the lies he had forced her to tell all too apparent in the tears she was letting only him see. He wanted to tell her that they would be alright, that the world would deal them a better hand if they waited but he would make no hollow promises, worried that her fragile state would be all the more damaged. He knew that every person within Hogwarts carried their own fears and troubles, Voldemort's return unavoidable and resonating throughout the wizarding world, but he knew that through him Hermione was carrying more than just her own fears. Not only did she worry for herself but for her Muggle parents, Harry whose destiny was still veiled to them all and now for him, hiding the truth while facing the pity of her friends for the story they knew.

He hated himself for leaving her to bear so much alone and a vicious little voice at the back of his mind told him that she would not be suffering half as much if she was not with him. He tightened his arms around her, pushing the voice away, refusing to acknowledge the thought of leaving her.

"Come on now darling," he said softly, "Where's that Gryffindor bravery?"

Hermione managed a weak laugh, "Fled I guess," she said, pulling back from him enough to roughly wipe her eyes, "I'm sorry."

Severus shook his head, "Don't you apologise for that," he said, rubbing at a tear stain with his thumb, "If you're going to cry, then you cry on my shoulder. That's what I'm for."

Hermione smiled, pressing her face into his hand, "I love you," she said.

"I love you too," said Severus, kissing her softly, "Now then, here's the plan. You need to be seen at breakfast and I need to speak to Albus. Go back to the common room and spend the morning with our friends, then after lunch come back down here. Do you have any homework?"

"A lot actually," said Hermione.

"Then bring it down," said Severus, "I have some lesson plans to work on and seeing as I'm not much use for anything else, we can at least spend the time together."

"At least you can help me with my real potions homework."

Severus laughed, "Indeed," he said before he released her from his arms, "You should go up before Harry starts hammering on your door."

Hermione slipped from the bed and dressed once more in her own clothes, folding Severus' shirt and laying it on the comforter before she moved around to his side of the bed. She righted his bandages once more before she kissed him.

"Make sure you have one of the elves bring you some breakfast," she said, "And get Dumbledore to come to you here. You'll heal quicker, the more you rest."

"Yes doctor," said Severus, sharing an indulgent smile with the girl before him, "I promise not to stir from these rooms without your permission."

"You'd better not," said Hermione, pulling the comforter up a little higher before she headed to the door, turning to blow him a kiss before she disappeared from view.

Severus waited until he heard the floo activate before he sighed, running his hands over his face. He reached for the shirt Hermione had worn and buried his face in it, breathing in the lingering scent that clung to it. His mind drew up images of the Room of Requirement; Hermione's fragrant hair spilling across the pillow as she slumbered beside him or the scent of her neck as he pressed his face into it as they both lay panting and sated, her body surrounding him and forcing itself upon every sense he had. The final thought left a bittersweet aftertaste and he reluctantly put the shirt away from him.

He knew their relationship left her vulnerable, Hermione often overly zealous in her protection of her friends and their relationship only fuelled her further. Since he had returned to his adult self he had questioned their relationship, wondering whether what had started as something so innocent was tainted by the reality of their situation. He could not push aside his love for her, not even the twenty years that separated them dulling the feelings that had taken him almost a year before but he wanted to keep her safe. With a sigh he swung his legs out of the bed and got to his feet, swaying slightly as his injuries once more exerted themselves upon him. He wished once more he could speak to his nineteen-year-old self, tell the foolish boy that he was to refuse the mark when it was offered to him but he knew that no amount of potion induced regression or the application of a time turner could stop the fate that had befallen him.

Resigned to whatever the path was yet to bring him, Severus dressed in his customary black and headed towards the door of his room. He knew he had promised Hermione not to stir but the oppression of the dungeons was to great upon him and he knew the school would be amassed in the hall for breakfast, leaving the grounds clear. Leaving his rooms, he strode down the dank corridors of the dungeons, careful not to limp and give away that there was anything wrong with him. He quickly reached the ground floor and headed to the main doors, stepping out into the chill morning air and breathing in the clean scent of the breeze that he had missed during his enforced exile. Pulling his coat tighter around him he headed off towards the lake, knowing he could lose himself in the scenery rather than the thoughts that were plaguing him.

xxxx

Hermione had joined Severus in his rooms as soon as lunchtime had passed, making excuses to her friends that she had a lot to work on and needed some time to herself. It hadn't all been a lie, she did have more homework than them to work on but she ensured her door was locked in case they came looking for her and wondered who's company she was keeping in place of theirs. Severus had been waiting for her when she arrived, his work already spread out on a desk to the side of his living room. Work ethic winning out over her at seeing him so studiously employed, Hermione had swiftly kissed him before settling herself on the rug beside the fire and burying herself in her work. The silence that surrounded them was comfortable and Hermione barely looked up as she heard him move from his desk after several hours, and spoke only to thank him as he set a cup of tea in front of her.

So engrossed was she in her Potions essay that on instinct, as she stumbled on a particular theory, she stuck her hand in the air as she worried the end of her quill between her teeth. After several moments unheeded she raised her gaze, her eyes meeting Severus' as he sat in the chair before her, his amused smile barely hidden at her actions.

"Can I help you Miss Granger?" he said, marking his place in the book he was reading and setting it on the small table beside him.

Hermione looked up at her raised hand and smiled as she lowered it, "Sorry, force of habit," she said, "I'm a little stuck."

"My Hermione doesn't get stuck," said Severus.

"I do when its extra credit for my Potions NEWT," she said, "You see I knew this handsome boy once who could make the most difficult potion unravel before him but he's not around so much these days."

Severus caught the slight melancholy tone in her voice and extended his hand to her, "Maybe I can help then."

Hermione picked up her book and got to her feet, moving to perch on the arm of the chair. She held her book out to him, open on the page and leaned back as she waited for him to read it over. She was shocked as he didn't immediately turn to the book but instead reached into his breast pocket and drew out a slim pair of glasses. As if he sensed her eyes on him he turned to her with a rueful smile.

"The trials of age my dear," he said, putting them on, "Though I admit you won't have seen them, I am a little too vain to wear them in front of my students. At this time of the evening however I'm forced to put vanity to one side."

"I think," said Hermione tracing the thin wire frame with a finger, "That they look very distinguished."

"I think you need them more than I do then," said Severus though Hermione saw the slight smile that stayed on his features.

Before he could turn his attention to the book Hermione slipped off the arm of the chair and onto his lap, curling one arm around is neck as she threw her legs over the opposite arm. Severus froze for a moment, the unexpected move reminding him that he was not just helping a student but it was so reminiscent of their times together when they were both students that he settled her more comfortably before he turned to the book.

"Show me how far you've got along with this then," he said, "And then we can unravel the rest together."

The evening soon passed them by, Hermione completing her homework before she led Severus from his chair onto the sofa, immediately curling into his side as she had so often in the Gryffindor common room. He had discarded his thick black frock coat and had summoned a blanket from his bedroom beyond to cover them with and Hermione was quite content to settle with her head against his chest as they watched the flames dance in the fireplace. Their conversation was light, Severus enquiring after their friends once more and glad when Hermione had mentioned that Réglisse had found a new protector in Neville. Hermione briefly excused herself to use the bathroom and returned to find the table laid with supper, finger food she noticed to disguise how many were dining but she was glad at the silent invitation he had given her to stay.

As the evening wore on they returned once more to their shared embrace however Hermione was no longer content with the warmth and the silence, her hands questing to the buttons of Severus' shirt but he thwarted her attempt to undo them. At her question he pleaded the extent of the injuries he still bore and Hermione backed down in concern, worry replacing all else in her eyes. He finally convinced her that he did not require a trip to see Madam Pomfrey but she was tentative with him afterwards, fussing over each move he made and desperately trying to persuade him to bed to rest. He finally relented to her last request but was shocked when, instead of leaving him as he kissed her by the fireside, she took his hand and led him into the bedroom. He began to protest as she had started to undress but the crestfallen look on her face forced him to back pedal and he soon found himself beside her in the bed.

She had quickly fallen asleep in his arms and he allowed himself to lose himself in the scent of her hair but the voice in his mind would not leave him, reminding him the danger that he posed if he let her remain at his side. When sleep finally came it was tortured, his dreams filled with images of Hermione's demise but for all the pain it caused him he could still not bring himself to push her away.

Monday morning dawned early for the pair of them and Hermione retreated quickly to her room, leaving Severus with a kiss and a promise to return to him that evening before he could protest. He had dressed in his teaching robes, the material at once too heavy and stifling for him even in the chill of the dungeons but it was more the thought of the day that plagued him. He had not faced the school since his return on Friday night and he knew so many faces would be turned to him in hatred. He knew he would sit at the high table and look down at those of Gryffindor house, remembering when he was one of them and missing all the friends who now hated him. He knew he would see Harry's face, see the loathing in the deep green eyes that were so like his mother's, and be reminded once more of James and the pain that acquaintance had so often borne him. He was only grateful that Monday saw him with only first, third and fifth years for Dark Arts class but even that did not fill him with any joy, knowing that he would be called upon to hector and terrify his students rather than instruct them. Even when he had taught Potions he had at least ensured his students had learned something.

If Severus thought that Monday was bad the rest of the week proved what a joy it had truly been. His first lesson with the sixth year Gryffindors and Slytherins had been a trial to say the least, especially when Page had stepped back, clearly testing his loyalties over his former friends. Harry had of course risen to the challenge of facing him and Severus felt every barb he directed at the boy as though he had set it on himself. He had not spared a single one of his friends and had cursed when Hermione has instinctively answered a question when the class had remained silent. His tirade against her and the subsequent point loss had all but brought tears to her eyes and he longed to reach out to her but they had a façade to maintain and she would have to grow used to it.

As Thursday came to a close he was glad to be facing the weekend, able to lock himself away in his rooms in silence and safety but the growing tingle in his left arm soon grew to an agonising pain and he was forced to hurry from the great hall as Voldemort's summons began to act upon him. It was late when he finally stumbled back down the long dank corridor to the fireplace in his rooms, thankfully not bearing any physical marks from his encounter with the Dark Lord but his mind was greatly troubled. He had seen the faces of some of the people who had met with Voldemort before he had and knew one in particular was feeling the orders he had imparted keenly. He had remained with the Death Eaters for several hours rather than returning to the school, ingratiating himself with them in the hope of re-establishing the trust he had lost. He gained some ground he was sure and made sure before he left that he well publicised his future plans.

He tapped the bricks in the wall that rose up to meet him in the corridor and they parted slowly to reveal the room beyond, the fire was unlit but the candles were, illuminating the figure curled on the sofa wrapped in his teaching robe. The flickering light was low, casting deep red shadows over the sleeping girl, highlighting her hair in honeyed tones and bringing out the youthful blush on her lips and cheeks. He stepped from the fireplace but moved no further, leaning back against the mantle as he allowed himself an unguarded moment of watching her. When he had first met Hermione Granger he had been faced with a bushy haired know-it-all with a voice that cut if ignored; but he knew the woman before him was far from the child that had first graced Hogwarts' halls. Even dressed in her uniform, still apparent beneath the cover of his robe, she looked more like temptation than the forbiddance she should have been.

He felt a longing rise in him, a familiar feeling whenever he was with her, but a longing that had remained unanswered since he had first returned to the school to tell her of his renewal of his duties as a spy. He clenched a fist at his side, resisting the desire to cross to her and kiss her awake before allowing the kiss to lead to whatever its natural conclusion was. Since his permanent return to the school Hermione had been his nightly companion but he had refrained from anything but an almost platonic kiss as he persuaded her to bed. She had not been as cooperative he would have wanted and, once the initial excuse of his injuries had begin to wear, he had found himself forcing himself to stay awake long enough for her to begin to droop against his shoulder, too exhausted to do anything but fall asleep beside him in the bed.

He knew his refusal of her did nothing to keep her safe but he was too weak to do anything more. He knew he should push her away, especially in light of the news he had received from Voldemort but try as he might he could not and so he fell back on the semblance of propriety alone. He was her teacher, she was his student; he was in love with her, she was his betrothed. The two relationships should never have mixed but he could not stop either from continuing.

Finally he left the fireplace and crossed to the sofa, bending down and easing her into his arms. Hermione stirred as he began to lift her, blinking up him before she smiled, curling her arms up around his neck as she snuggled into him, losing the robe as he lifted her fully into his arms and began to carry her towards the bedroom.

"I saw you leave the great hall," she said, sleepily, "You were holding your left arm funny. You've been with Voldemort haven't you?"

"I have to go when he calls," said Severus as they crossed the threshold to the bedroom.

"Are you hurt?" she said, struggling slightly as though she was trying to avoid hurting him.

He hushed her as he firmed his grip, letting her know that she wasn't harming him, "I was swift tonight and he was in a good mood, the majority escaped unscathed," he said, "You did not have to wait for me."

Hermione smiled at him as he sat her down on the bed and knelt at her feet, gently removing her shoes, "I'm meant to be looking after you," she said as his thumb traced a pattern against her ankle.

"You've worn yourself out and you have to focus on your exams," said Severus, "I don't want to see you falling asleep in my classes."

Hermione laughed, "Heaven forbid that I give you anymore reason to take points off," she said before she took his hand, encouraging him to sit beside her on the bed.

She leant against him, her tiredness refusing to leave her, and buried her face against his shoulder. Severus wrapped an arm around her, content just to hold her much as he knew she would be far better off in a proper position to sleep. He pressed a kiss to her hair and rocked her gently, willing her to the sleep she so clearly needed. Hermione however seemed determined to stay awake though her voice was quiet.

"I can't wait until tomorrow," she said.

"Is there something happening?" said Severus.

Hermione smiled, "Its Friday," she said as though it explained everything, "As soon as that final bell rings you're mine for the entire weekend."

"I'm afraid I must disappoint you there," he said, "As soon as classes end tomorrow I have to leave and will return Sunday morning at the very earliest."

Hermione raised her head from his shoulder, a pretty pout taking her face at the news, "Where do you have to go?"

"Spinners End," said Severus. "I have some business to attend to there."

Hermione instantly brightened, "Then take me with you. I won't be missed; the boy's have Quidditch training all day Saturday and then everyone will be in Hogsmeade on Sunday," she said, "I'd love to see your house and I promise I won't be in the way. Just point me towards the books and you won't here a peep from me until you want to."

Severus shook his head, "I cannot take you with me," he said, "Even if what I was going to do wouldn't put you in danger there remains the fact that should I take you out of school during term time I would be acting in loco parentis and that's not exactly appropriate given our situation."

Hermione stiffened in his arms at his words, "Given our… oh heaven forbid Severus that I should be able to take account for myself if we set foot out of the grounds," she said, "Don't you dare give me that in loco parentis rubbish. You're responsible for me here too you know, if you're determined to see yourself as my teacher, and yet you're quite happy for me to share your bed every night. We are not student and teacher Severus, they're just the roles we're playing in this pantomime we've worked ourselves into."

"Even with Hogwarts aside, as a part of the Order…"

"You've not been part of the Order for over a year," said Hermione, "Stop looking for excuses and just admit that you don't want me there."

"You know that's not true."

"Isn't it?" said Hermione, freeing herself from his arms and getting to her feet, "Then what's stopping you? Can't be seen with me? Worried I'll do something stupid or is it the fact that that's where you and Lily used to spend your time? Wouldn't want to taint those memories by bringing me there now would we?"

Severus' eyes darkened, "Don't you dare bring her into this," he said, "She has nothing to do with this."

"Then tell me why you won't take me with you?"

"Can't you see that I'm trying to protect you?" said Severus, "And if you stopped behaving like a wilful child for two seconds together you would realise that."

"Wilful child?" said Hermione before her expression hardened, "Right."

Severus looked on in confusion as she stomped into her shoes, "What are you doing?"

"Leaving," said Hermione, "Its hardly appropriate for you to have such a wilful child in your bedroom, Professor."

"Hermione, wait," he said, reaching for her sleeve but she dodged him easily and headed towards the living room, "Don't leave like this."

Hermione ignored his plea even as he began to follow her, hurrying her footsteps as he caught up with her and took hold of her arm. Severus pulled her gently to a halt, his free hand coming to her cheek as he tried to pacify her.

"Darling stop, there's no need for this," he said, "Let me explain."

Hermione's expression softened for a second but then her eyes hardened and she pushed his hand away and pulled out of his grip, "No," she said, "I'm fed up with this. All hot and cold. Don't think I haven't noticed that you've made every excuse under the sun not to be with me, so if you've lost interest I'd rather you tell me now. After our story I'm not so tainted by association and Cormac's been looking, he wouldn't be giving me excuses."

Severus paled, "Don't say things like that," he said, "You don't mean it."

"Don't I?" said Hermione, "Then give me a reason not to mean it. Tell me that there's some reason behind this game you seem to be playing with me."

"I'm trying to protect you," said Severus.

"By acting like my parent?" said Hermione stepping back until she was inside the fireplace, taking hold of a handful of floo powder, "That's not the relationship I thought we were in."

She went to throw the powder down into the grate but paused, her eyes meeting his and seeing the hurt there.

"I love you," she said softly, "But you need to work out want you want. I won't come down here again, not until you send for me and then I need to know what you expect from me."

"Hermione…" he said, reaching out to her but she shook her head.

"Think about it," she said, "Take the weekend and come to me when you've decided."

Without a word of goodbye she tossed the floo powder into the grate and gave the direction of her room, disappearing with the pull of the magic. Severus stood staring at the place she had been standing, a myriad of emotions rushing at him as he realised just how silent the room was without her in it. He wanted to follow but he knew it would do no good, she had walked away from him and following with no answer for her would prove useless.

He took a shuddering breath and stepped away from the hearth. He picked up his teaching robe from where it had been discarded on the sofa and threw it on. Heading to the door he extinguished the lights and stepped into the corridors beyond, refusing the shiver at the chill that set immediately into his bones. He hurried through the corridors, glad it was late enough that the students were in bed and very few dared to venture in the corridors with both Filch and several Aurors patrolling the halls at night. He soon reached his destination and gave the password to the stone gargoyle he encountered. The stairs rose and he stepped onto them, allowing them to carry him up to his destination.

He didn't bother to knock, instead stepping into the room with a flourish of robes but the figure sat behind the desk before him did not startle at the intrusion.

"You're back," said Dumbledore, "Is it as we feared?"

Severus nodded, "I must away tonight," he said, "There are things I have to do. Things are as we feared and I've already put our plan in motion. I made it known that I would be home this weekend but if I go a day earlier and make it known I'm there then fears may be more likely to work in our favour."

Dumbledore nodded, "I'm sure Irina will manage in your absence," he said with a small smile, "Would you like me to get word to Miss Granger?"

"If you would," said Severus, his tone wavering as a moment of doubt as to whether she would care struck him "Tell her not to worry. Tell her I will return by Sunday if I can."

Dumbledore regarded him quizzically, "I trust all is well between the pair of you?"

"Things are complex," said Severus before he remembered why his life had once more been thrown into that complexity, "See that she receives the message."

"Severus," said Dumbledore, his tone stopping the younger wizard as he turned to the door, "If something is troubling you…"

Severus turned with a glare, "If something is troubling me? Voldemort's rise to power. The task we know he will have given to someone who, despite many faults, is an innocent. What you want me to do to protect him and Harry. The fact that I was sixteen years old less than two months ago and now I'm faced everyday by the man I'd almost forgotten I had once become," he said, "Pick one."

"I appreciate your difficulties, my boy," said Dumbledore, "But we are all instruments in this and must do what we can so that what is right prevails. I'm sure you can find confidence enough in Miss Granger."

Pain lanced through Severus as his mind turned immediately to the disagreement they had had, "I will not burden her," he said, "She has enough to focus on with her exams."

"You and I both know that NEWT exams will not tax Miss Granger, they would not have taxed her had she sat them in her second year," said the older wizard, "You are not worried about her exams."

Severus wanted to speak, to pour out all that troubled him but his memory reminded him once more that his trust had been misplaced in the man before him one too many times, "See that Hermione receives the message," he said turning back to the door, "I will return on Sunday."

He did not wait for Dumbledore to speak again but strode out of the large office and down the stairs once more. It did not take him long to return to the dungeons and he had soon collected up all he would need to be away from the school for several nights. He stepped into the fireplace and for a moment toyed with the thought of going to Hermione but, putting aside the danger of appearing unannounced in her room where her friends could be with her, he knew he needed to wait until he had an answer for her before he went to her. He tapped the bricks and the back of the fireplace fell away to reveal the passageway behind.

He followed the dreary passage upwards and pushed the door open, stepping out into the grounds. The air was frigid and there were flakes of snow in the air, the clouds threatening more. He hugged his robe tighter around himself with a frown, snow in Scotland meaning freezing rain further south and he almost turned back but he knew he had to be found at home. Without a second thought he span into an apparition, coming to rest in a familiar dark alley way that had become a favoured point for him over the years, the desolate nature of the streets around it leaving it devoid of muggles.

The night was dark and the air filled with rain so fine it seemed to reach his bones even before it had a chance to soak his clothes. He shrugged off his teaching robe and stuffed it into the bag he had slung over his shoulder, his clothes somewhat odd in the muggle-world but not strange enough to attract too much attention. He left the alley and headed into the familiar streets, memories both good and bad, assaulting him as he walked at a pace that was dictated by the rain. It was only several streets over until he reached his own, the road sign greying and chipped, the screws looking as though one strong wind would disrupt them and send the sign tumbling down the street.

A car stood on bricks against the kerb and he was forced to slide passed another that had been parked to high on the pavement, its tax disc several years out of date. He often cursed that he set his wards so high that he couldn't apparate directly into his house but as he reached a crossroads between the dark terraced houses he was reminded why he always took the walk. In the distance down the bisecting road and across the desolate railway tracks he could make out the lights of the elegant estate of homes he had once been a frequent visitor to. He could vividly remember the path that led to the charming red brick house with its neat front lawn and driveway. He remembered how he had always admired the shiny black paint on the door, offset by the brass knocker. Beyond had been a house filled with love and colour, pictures on the walls and always a hot meal on the table. He had felt at home despite how odd he had looked in the surroundings, Lily's parents accepting him with open arms when she had first taken him home, shabby and unkempt as he was.

He paused, remembering when he had followed first Lily's mother's coffin and then her father's from the house, one of many faceless mourners. He had heard so many of their friends comforting each other with thoughts that at least the couple would be reunited with their lost daughter but for Severus it had been the greatest wrench, his adopted family completely decimated even though he had not seen them since Lily's death. He remembered the desolation he had felt then, his own mother dead, Lily murdered and her parents taken far too young in their grief for their child, the empty feeling in his stomach that refused to leave him for many years. It had only left him when he had first felt a shadow fall over him in the grounds of Hogwarts mere days after his regression, looking up to see the concerned eyes of Hermione Granger.

It had taken a long time but he had soon found himself part of a family once more, his odd bunch of siblings in Harry and the Weasleys, an adopted sister in Minerva, a father in Dumbledore and a dozen or so uncles and aunts in the teachers he had once been a colleague too. He smiled as he thought of the one person who stood out far above all them, the beautiful young woman who had given more meaning to his life than he had known even with the youthful love he had lost too soon. Situation had caused all of his new family to dwindle apart from her and he felt, as distanced as he was from her, the connection that still burned brightly.

He turned his eyes away from the path he had once trodden daily, heading once more towards his own home despite the sudden urge that rose in him to return to the school and seek out the girl that now dominated his thoughts. He barely noticed the continually falling rain however as he neared the run of houses that his was connected to he began to feel the familiar anxiety that always accompanied his homecoming, many years without its reason being present incapable of removing the feeling. He walked the line of houses until he reached the one on the end, the grey building seemingly propping up its neighbours from falling into the alleyway next to it. He approached the door and lowered the wards with practiced ease, pushing the door opened with a resounding slam as though trying to dispel any demon that could be within.

No demon greeted him but he still viewed what did with disdain as the ungainly figure of Peter Pettigrew shuffled into the hallway.

"Snape?" he simpered, "I was not expecting your return until tomorrow."

Severus tried as best he could not to sneer at the whimpering creature before him, his presence forced upon him by Voldemort almost as soon as he had been let out of his sight and trusted again. He was not stupid enough though not to realise that Pettigrew was also there to be his jailor, the man without a doubt reporting back to the Dark Lord every movement Severus made away from the school.

"I did not realise I was required to explain my comings and goings to you Wormtail," said Severus, pushing past him and into the house, "I am back and I expect you to stay out of my way whilst I am here."

"Of course," said the other man but there was little genuflection in his voice.

Severus ignored him, pausing to shrug off his coat and hang it on the empty coat rack. He heard Wormtail scamper off back into the house but paid him no mind as the house seemed to make itself the key feature of his attention. Other than Hogwarts, the tiny house at Spinners End had been the only home he had ever known, his birth in the main bedroom upstairs from where he stood the beginning of his history within the peeling walls. For as long as he had known the house had been cold and grey and filled with too many corners. He hated the corners of the house the most.

It was not the most rational of hatreds he knew but he hated them all the same, the corners of his house bearing some of the worst memories he had. He remembered the corner by the front door where he had cowered at three years old, unable to reach the latch to escape as his father's rage went from words to fists, the blows rained down on his mother rather than him but paining him all the same. The corner in the basement where his mother had cradled him, hiding from the drunken rampage that was raging above them. The corner in the living room where his father had forced him to stand, facing the peeling paper for hours on end and where he'd been thrown after he'd near fainted from hunger, his arm badly broken and left untreated for days. The corner in the tiny kitchen where his father had finally fallen, Severus' fist rather than his magic punishing the man who had terrorised him for years. The corner in the master bedroom where he'd found his mother slumped, half dead from the illness that she had kept hidden from him. The corner where he'd stood and cried when she had finally been taken from him, the finally blow that had sent him into the service of the Dark Lord.

Severus shook his head, forcing away the onslaught of the memories the house invoked. He forewent any further tour of the house, finding little need to enter any of the cramped downstairs rooms, instead turning to the stairs and heading up them. He didn't bother to light any candles, knowing the route by heart and preferring not to shed any light upon the neglected hallways. He passed the door to his childhood room, now housing his unwelcome guest and headed into the master room. He had only made it his own when he had reached his twenties and had begun teaching at Hogwarts, feeling a need after all the turmoil he had gone through to at least feel as though he was master in his own home.

The room looked barely lived in, everything of value to him housed in his rooms at Hogwarts but it did well enough for when he was forced to come home. He rubbed his eyes as the late hour overcame him and sat down on the edge of the bed to unlace his shoes, letting them fall with an audible thump onto the wooden floor. Standing once more he shrugged off his clothes, pausing only briefly to ensure the sheets were free of dust with a spell. He slipped beneath the covers before he leant down and caught up his trousers from the floor, reaching into the pocket and taking out a neatly folded piece of card. He opened it carefully, revealing the Muggle photograph within. He was unsure why it was his favourite picture, he had dozens more that showed both him and his partner in the picture in a more flattering light but it had been the first to be taken when he had felt truly happy and it had therefore lodged itself firmly in the loftiest place of his esteem. He and Hermione sat side by side in a small Muggle pub in Oxford, the room behind them decorated for Christmas as the revellers celebrated the eve of the festival.

Severus smiled at the picture, wondering how none had realised how in love with the girl beside him he already was in that moment. He was not even looking at the camera but at the girl beside him, watching her laugh at her father's failing attempts to correctly operate the device. He reached up around his neck to take hold of the pendant that hung there, the images of both a snake and a lion reflected in the glass. He allowed himself a small smile, knowing he would go immediately to Hermione on his return to the school and make amends for their disagreement. With happier thoughts than had brought him home he returned the picture to his pocket before settling into the bed, imagining that she lay beside him still and the thought alone took him into sleep.

xxxx

Magic was a wondrous thing or so Hermione thought as she woke to find her room frosty in the early morning light. With a wave of her wand the fire in the hearth leapt into life and the room immediately warmed. She finally dared to venture from beneath the covers, reaching for her dressing gown as the thin white shirt she wore offered little in the way of warmth. She had known when she had gone to bed that warmer pyjamas would have been a wiser idea but Severus' shirt had been the more romantic choice, the days since his departure from the school seeming far too numerous.

She had realised something was wrong when she had arrived at breakfast on Friday morning and Severus' seat at the high table was empty. She had tried to catch Dumbledore's eye but failed on every attempt and fear had begun to rise in her. She had been moving blindly to class when Filch had stopped her and informed her that Dumbledore wished to speak to her. She had barely contained her relief but had waved off her friends with the belief that she needed to speak with him about her additional classes. She had all but run to his office and crashed through the door with a demand for news. Dumbledore's news had not been completely comforting but at least she was aware that Severus had left of his own free will rather than at the summons of the Dark Mark if not aware of the business he went for. She knew she would have to wait until Severus' return on the Sunday, if Dumbledore was to be believed, to find out the nature of his travels but she was contented that he was safe.

She had been somewhat disturbed when Dumbledore had further detained her but his questions were nothing to do with her schooling. She kept her silence as he enquired too deeply about her relationship with Severus, knowing for him to be questioning her Severus would not have answered him in detail enough. Finally he had dismissed her back to her classes but Hermione maintained her silence throughout the day, citing fatigue as an excuse to her friends when they questioned her and retiring early to bed. She had gone down to the stands in the cold, snowy morning that brought in the weekend, happy to watch her friends as they trained for the forthcoming Quidditch match.

She fell into conversation now and then with several of her fellow spectators but more often than not she sat in silence, her mind not seeing the players before her but replaying a match that was flooded in summer light when it had been a young, black haired boy in the role of keeper. Although Ron did admirably in his training he lacked the grace that Severus had shown in the role. She had reached for the ring that hung on the chain around her neck, tracing the stones as her heart had clenched at the thought of him. She knew she had hurt him when she had left him but she needed to give him time to decide what he wanted from her. She had been aware from very early in his return that he was reluctant to return to the more intimate aspects of their relationship but she had hoped that it would fade. When it had not she had tried to understand what was keeping him from her but the answer alluded her. She had wanted to maintain what they had but it had proved too hard and she had left him with the ultimatum; it was up to him where their relationship went. She could only hope that he came back to her with a favourable response.

Sunday had dawned as she found it, the snow thick on the ground and the cold in the room chilling her through Severus' thin shirt. Despite the cold and the snow, sunlight filtered through the window and Hermione found herself glad that she would be venturing to Hogsmeade with her friends. She knew she had been neglectful of them all and felt a pang at how much she was forced to conceal from them. She briefly clutched at the pendant around her neck before she readied herself for the day, determined that her attention would be on her two best friends, knowing she would receive her answer from Severus later in the day.

Harry and Ron had clearly been surprised by her when she had all but bounced into the Great Hall for breakfast but the surprise turned to contentment at having their friend restored to them, the three of them falling swiftly back into the banter that had always been the mainstay of their friendship.

They had finally braved the cold for the walk into Hogsmeade, all of them well wrapped up in Molly Weasley's warm if bulky knitted scarves. As they walked talk turned to there lessons and then once more to the subject of Harry's beloved Potions book, the identity of the Half Blood Prince still a mystery to the two boys. Hermione realised that she had yet to quiz Severus on the subject and when Harry and Ron turned to her for enlightenment she managed to cover by saying she had gone to the library but found no mention of any princes in the wizarding world, half-blood or otherwise. They seemed content that she had at least tried, the pursuit of the library a common trait in her and meeting with no suspicion.

Their conversation was cut short as they saw their Potions Master and Charms Professor speaking on the bridge that led into the town, Flitwick clearly beating a hasty retreat for the fear of being forced to endure Slughorn's endless ramblings in the Three Broomsticks. Hermione had always been quite fond of the Potions Master's propensity to chatter but she knew that often it would merely be background noise as she worked on the potions set in their private lessons and therefore of little burden to listen to. Her friends however had never seemed overly keen of their aging professor so she was surprised when Harry, on hearing that Slughorn was heading to the pub, requested of both her and Ron to join him for a drink.

The Three Broomsticks was busy with the residents of the village and the elder Hogwarts students that were allowed to frequent the establishment. Harry hurriedly chose them a table and all but arranged them around it, seemingly wanting to keep Slughorn in view. Hermione paid it little mind, quite used to the eccentricities of her friend especially if he felt their was a conspiracy to be had and obliged him, ordering their drinks when one of the tavern hands came to them.

Their butterbeers were barely on the table when Ron groaned at something over Hermione's shoulder. Hermione turned to see Ginny and Dean Thomas sat side by side, far too engrossed with one another to notice what was going on around them. It amused her how perturbed Ron grew at the sight of them holding hands and admonished him on the fact only to bite her lip as she turned back to see the couple in question proceed on to a rather unguarded kiss in full view of them. It was Harry's pained expression though that hurt her more than Ron's childish reaction and she tried to ease the tension with a quip. At the mention of Ginny's reaction if she were to look over and see Ron kissing his long time friend Hermione had hoped to reduce the table to laughter or at least a display of disgust from Ron that would distract him from his sister however the blush that Ron could barely hide confused and troubled her.

She had never been more grateful for the arrival of one of her professors as Slughorn's voice boomed out behind her. Harry was immediately on his feet and began speaking to the old wizard in a way Hermione had never heard him use before. Slughorn was clearly slightly inebriated and glad of the audience as he rambled on however when the inebriation passed to his hand Hermione barely dodged the ale that fell from his tankard towards her lap. She busied herself in wiping away a few drops that had fallen onto her jeans as Harry continued to listen to his teacher unperturbed. Hermione heard the mention of a supper party, Harry swiftly receiving an invite before Slughorn turned to her with the same offer that she was too curious and polite to refuse.

Ron was the first to call Harry on his apparent affection for their Potions Master but Harry soon passed on his reasons, Dumbledore having set him the task of getting to know Slughorn but without any further reason. Hermione felt a jolt at the unblemished trust her friend showed in their headmaster, feeling once more the pang of the old man's deceit and wishing she could speak of it. Severus had never mentioned any need for Harry to better know Slughorn and she filed the question away in her mind in the hope of putting it to him when she saw him.

Ginny and Dean finally made their way from the pub and the three of them returned to happier conversations, distractions finally removed from them. Of course Harry brought the talk back round to his suppositions on Draco but Hermione indulged the boys in their wild plots, happy to be spending time with them regardless of the subject matter. They ate lunch but when talk moved to venturing to the shops that littered the village they all looked out of the window with trepidation at the swirling snow and they all silently agreed that the school would prove far warmer than the streets of Hogsmeade.

They began the walk back with the same good humour they had had in the pub and Hermione felt very grateful that they could still enjoy such moments when so much was at stake. She was about to tell them as much when they heard a scream from ahead of them, two girls from their own house seeming to be the source. They looked on to see one of them on the ground, Katie Bell, the Quidditch teams best seeker lying prone in the snow. Before they could react she was thrown bodily across the path, her bones cracking at the unnatural positions she was forced into before she was lifted into the air. Her neck was bent back too far and her face was set in an agonising silent scream for what seemed like hours to the dumbstruck students gathered below but it was nothing to the sickening thud that came when she fell back to the ground, her body twitching with the after affects of the curse.

Hermione was about the run to her aid when a voice stopped her, Hagrid stepping from behind them with clear instructions that they knew better than not to follow. The half-giant gently picked up the stricken girl before hastening them all to follow him. They all did as he asked and followed him back to the castle, the spectacle having drawn quite a crowd as they reached the gates. McGonagall was the first of their teachers to see them and she hurried Hagrid to the hospital wing before ushering the remaining witnesses into her classroom. She swiftly removed the package Harry carried from his possession, keeping as much distance from it as she could whilst her wand did the work. An elegant necklace was set amongst its velvet packaging but something in the air around it seemed entirely unholy that they all kept their distance from it.

McGonagall headed to the classroom door, calling for one of the ghosts to attend her, the Bloody Baron the first to answer her call. She spoke quietly to the spirit before he disappeared back into the walls, leaving her to return to her charges. She questioned them all but their came no clear answer, Katie having returned with the package and a determination to deliver it to the Headmaster. She swiftly dismissed Katie's companion but kept Hermione and her friends on hand, her expression particularly troubled.

"Why is it when something happens it is always you three?" she said in exasperation.

Hermione almost wanted to laugh, often wondering the same but it was Ron who vocalised it, the humour at least dispelling some of the tension in the room. McGonagall's gaze raised above their heads and Hermione felt herself freeze as the older woman spoke.

"Oh Severus," she said, her tone somewhat pinched, "I didn't know who else to send for."

Hermione dared not turn for fear of giving herself away but she was sure all those gathered could hear the thumping of her heart. She heard his footsteps before he brushed passed her, forcing Ron from his path as he did so. Hermione felt her heart clench as he didn't even look at her but she knew he was maintaining the façade they were forced to hold to. He spoke quietly with McGonagall at the front of the class, bent over the necklace, their words too soft to decipher. He finally straightened and retrieved his wand, levitating the necklace from its case and turning it this way and that to better study it.

The necklace seemed to hiss with the power of the spell, protesting against being so studied. Hermione watched as Severus' whole form tensed in his studies, clearly disturbed by the power manifested before him.

"What do you think?" said McGonagall, her hand clenched at her side as she clearly resisted the more common impulse to reach out to her former friend.

"I think," said Severus in the most measured tone he could muster, "That Miss Bell is very lucky to be alive."

"She was cursed wasn't she?" said Harry, his tone for once not vicious or accusatory towards his teacher, "I know Katie and she wouldn't hurt a fly. If she was delivering that to Professor Dumbledore she wasn't doing it knowingly."

McGonagall conceded the truth in Harry's words and Hermione felt a chill go up her spine at the thought but it was Harry's words that truly alarmed her.

"It was Malfoy," he said, with no doubt in his tone.

Both teachers turned in shock at the accusation but Hermione could see the dread in Severus' eyes that he couldn't fully hide. She wanted to reach out to him, knowing the thought that they had been so close to danger was troubling him but she could not. She watched on in agony as he was forced once more to hector Harry rather than speak to him as he longed to, his words barbed and cutting rather than enquiring. McGonagall swiftly dismissed them but Hermione caught Severus' eye as she turned to leave and knew the instruction that lay in them.

They returned to the common room and Hermione was for once glad that Harry and Ron were embroiled in their accusations against anyone who had ever set foot in Slytherin house. She slipped quietly into her room, locking the door behind her before she all but ran to the fireplace. She extinguished the flames and stepped inside, activating the floo and soon finding herself in the larger grate of Severus' rooms. The room was dark but she knew he would not be long. She paced the rug before the fire, unable to settle as so many thoughts fought for dominance in her head.

She heard the door to his chambers open before he strode in, his eyes immediately falling on her, sparked with concern. Hermione smiled at the sight of him but he did not return it and instead of the embrace she expected she found herself taken forcibly by the arms as she was forced to stand on tiptoes to meet his gaze.

"What on Earth do you think you are doing getting yourself involved with curses like that?" he demanded, "Have you any idea what that could have done to you? To any of you? What were you thinking?"

"It wasn't deliberate," she said, feeling tears spring to her eyes at his rage, "We were leaving Hogsmeade and we saw what happened to Katie, what were we meant to do? We couldn't just stand by. We were careful, Hagrid told us to be careful. We didn't touch the necklace, just the wrappers. We didn't know what had happened."

Severus seemed to calm slightly, his grip loosening as his gaze fell to his feet. Hermione let her feet rest more comfortably on the floor, her own hands coming up to grip his forearms, feeling the tension there.

"Forgive me," he said sadly, "I'd barely returned when the Bloody Baron came for me and told me what happened. Katie is such a dear, sweet girl and for her to be hurt in such a way… then to find you so near to it. Forgive me, I panicked. Every day I worry for your safety and today compounded how little I can do to protect you."

"Hush," said Hermione, taking his face in her hands, "I'm well and safe and so are Harry and Ron, we were not in harm's way. I'm sorry if we frightened you. For once we didn't go looking for trouble."

"Yet trouble finds you," said Severus, his gaze weary as it met hers, "That curse was so dangerous."

"I know, it was terrible seeing what it did to Katie," said Hermione, "Who would have done such a thing?"

"Your friend seemed to have quite a strong opinion on that scale," said Severus, "Does he realise where accusations like that could get him? Where did he come by such thoughts?"

Hermione shook her head before she took his hand and led him to the sofa, sitting down on it and tugging him beside her, "Harry thinks he saw something before term started. He and Ron saw Malfoy in Borgin and Burkes and Harry's convinced…"

"Convinced of what, Hermione you must tell me," said Severus, "I know Harry hates Malfoy but he would have good reason to say what he did to me today."

"Harry thinks he saw Malfoy being… he saw him with some of the Death Eaters, I think Bellatrix LeStrange was there and Harry now assumes…"

"That Malfoy is a Death Eater too," finished Severus.

Hermione nodded before she met his gaze, "Is he right?"

Severus sighed, his hands tightening on hers, "Malfoy has taken the mark but he is not yet called a Death Eater, he has not yet met the conditions of his initiation."

"And you know what those conditions are, don't you?"

"But I cannot speak of them, not to you, not yet," said Severus, "I said when I first returned that there were things I would need to keep from you and this is one of them."

Hermione lowered her gaze, "I understand."

Severus huffed out a humourless laugh, "But you are put out by it nonetheless," he said, "We once knew all there was to know of one another and now I am forced to conceal much and push your trust in me further than I fear it capable of being stretched. I know this hurts you."

"I just want to be able to help you," said Hermione, "But I feel like you push me away every time I try to."

"Darling, I'm not trying to push you away," said Severus, "I know the fact that I did not take you with me this weekend troubles you but for what I can tell you, the reason I went was that I knew Draco's mother would come to me about the very subject that came out today."

"You knew about the necklace?"

"No but I know about Draco's mark and the task he has been given. I can say little more but Narcissa and I have come to an understanding that may help me prevent more people being hurt than might otherwise be. I have made the unbreakable vow with Narcissa but I must keep the details of that secret from you. I could not take you to my home because I knew there would be Death Eaters there and I would not have been able to hide you. Do not think I did not want you there. I missed you, so very much."

Hermione felt a smile play at her lips at his final words but refused it, instead getting to her feet and removing her hands from his grip, "I know you left me here to protect me but we both know there is more to this than one weekend," she said, "Severus sometimes you can barely look at me. When you hold me its like I'm with Harry or Ron, like a brother. Your kisses are all but platonic, as though they're a duty not a need. You won't touch me, you won't love me. You used to reach for me at night, wake me just so you could love me, now it feels like there is a gulf between us. I know you will always try to protect me but I don't know if you still love me. I asked you to come back to me with an answer, I need you to tell me what that is."

Severus was silent and for a moment Hermione felt as though an answer would never come but then his voice rang out in the silence of the room, lacking its usual authority.

"I have never loved anyone as I love you," he said, "You are the centre of my very being."

"Then why?"

"My whole life has been darkness, lies, deception, dishonesty," he said, "Even that which I have clung to for its purity has been tarnished by its association to me and now here you stand, so innocent, so young."

"I'm not innocent Severus."

"In comparison to me you are," he said, getting to his feet, "Hermione it is hard for me to put this into words but I'm frightened of what will happen to you because of me. I am in a position of responsibility for you, regardless of any arguments to the contrary, I am required to protect you and how can I begin to do that when I break every single rule laid down to me as a teacher."

"Not that old song," said Hermione, feeling her anger rising, "You've played that hand before. All the way through last year, when you were our age every time you wanted to do something that put you in harms way you told us you had never been released from your position as our teacher. Yet those responsibilities didn't seem to bother you when you were taking my virginity."

"Hermione that was different."

"How was that different?" said Hermione, "You said you were our teacher then, you say you're our teacher now. How is this different?"

"Because then I wasn't looking over my shoulder every two minutes knowing what will happen and not being able to stop it. I wasn't forced to lie to the people I love. I wasn't forced to play this god-awful role, day and night being someone I'm not. Back then I was free, I shared your burdens but mine were no greater. I was so full of dreams, of hope and that came crashing down around me because someone I thought I could trust betrayed me. If I had strength enough to do it I would push you away so completely but I'm weak and I love you so I give you this half-life that is cruelty to both you and me. I look at you and I see the most wonderful girl I have ever known, a girl who has seen so much and yet still sees the world through favourable eyes. Why would I not want to keep that near me?"

Hermione felt the tears running down her cheeks as she watched him breaking, "I don't understand," she said, "Do you want me to walk away, is that why you're doing this? I don't want to hurt you so if that's what you need, I'll do it but I'll always love you. Do you want me to walk away?"

Severus shook his head, "I need you."

"Then let yourself go. I will not break if you love me. I know I cannot understand all that you've gone through but if you can take comfort in me, then take it," she said, "I'll ask no questions, I won't push you for news, I won't make any demands of your time."

"You would make such sacrifices so willingly I know but I can't ask that of you."

"Yes you can," said Hermione, she said slipping the chain from around her neck and setting the ring from it in his palm before she closed his fingers over it, "You gave me this ring, you asked me to be your wife and with that I take all your trials. Severus I know we are both so altered after what happened this summer but I don't want to be without you."

Severus closed his free hand over their joined ones, "You don't know me."

"Then let me learn, Professor," she said, seeing the small smile he could not keep at her words, "Do you love me Severus?"

"I love you," he said honestly, meeting her gaze.

"And I love you," she said, "That's a foundation at least, we can start from there."

"Start?" he said.

"From the beginning," she said, "We can take this as slowly as you want, fall in love again. I know you feel unworthy and that you put me in danger but I'm in danger anyway. Please give us a chance Severus."

He brought their joined hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to her fingers, "You are such an extraordinary woman," he said, "To put up with me the way you do."

"I'm a sucker for a hopeless case, it seems," she said, resting her palm against his cheek, "We'll take this as slowly as you want. I'll only come when you call but know that you can do so any time."

She raised herself on her toes enough to press her lips to his, glad when she felt his tentative response grow surer when she refused to pull back from him. His arms came around her, holding her tightly against him until she could feel the beating of his heart against her chest. When air became a necessity they broke their embrace but Severus kept her close, his eyes bright with tears as he regarded her.

"I really am a foolish old man."

Hermione giggled, "Less of the old you, that's my fiancé you're denigrating."

"And yet you appear to be without your engagement ring."

"So it would appear," said Hermione, smiling as he took hold of her left hand and held it before him before he slid the delicate ring home once more.

"I know you cannot wear it when it may be seen but when you're here, with me, I want to see you wear it," he said, "It will…remind me, not to be so foolish from now on. You do understand though, why I have been the way I have."

Hermione nodded, "You were wrong but I understand. I forget however much older you look you spent a year being sixteen again, I think that's earned you the right to be a little foolish now and then."

He smiled, "We will take this slowly, rebuild what we've lost," he said, "And I will somehow feel worthy of you again. I will be worthy of you Hermione."

Hermione knew better than to correct him, instead leaning up to kiss him once more knowing that they would rely on her strength to carry them through the coming weeks but that she would bear it as best she could. At first the sound that met her ears didn't stir her but it came instant again and she realised that there was someone knocking on the chamber door. Severus released her before his face fell.

"That will no doubt be Page," he said, "She wanted to speak to me the moment I returned and I was only too grateful for the Baron's interruption."

"Damn Page and her interruptions," said Hermione, "Can I come down after supper? I've missed you so much."

"If I am free I will collect you from your room a half hour after dinner ends," said Severus before the knocking came again, "Now go and fear not for my affections any longer. I am with you."

Hermione kissed him once more before she stepped into the fireplace, offering a smile as her parting gift and receiving his back in return before she spoke the direction for her room. As she stepped out of her own hearth once more she allowed herself another smile, content that whatever happened they would face it together.


	5. Forgiving

"Severus?" said Hermione from where she was bent over a bubbling cauldron, "It says in the book that if I add three drops of the redcap venom the potion should turn green but this is brown. I don't know what I've done wrong."

Severus lifted his head from where he was studying the depths of his own cauldron, the potion within clearly some concoction of his own as he started and restarted it again and again, making notes each time it went awry. They had spent several evenings working side by side in Severus' private laboratory after he had invited her to practice her NEWT work there and had fallen into a happy routine after their discussion the previous Sunday, Severus calling on her every night after dinner had ended and inviting her down to his rooms in the dungeon. Hermione had taken to bringing her homework with her and often would pose the questions she had difficulty with to him. They would work into the night but Hermione would always return to her own room to sleep, his kiss warm on her lips as she left him.

Hermione smiled up at him as he came to her side setting his glasses in place before bending over her cauldron before he looked down at her open potions book.

"The book says three," he said, picking up the pipette she had been using, "However, it does not give an exact measure therefore…four drops should give you the desired effect."

Hermione smiled as the potion turned the colour it was supposed to be, "You're so clever."

"So are you," said Severus, turning down the heat on the cauldron and leaning back against the bench.

Hermione shook her head, "I couldn't work that out."

"That's because you have been schooled to pass exams," said Severus, "And to pass exams you must jump through a series of hoops. You must shake off what you have learnt so far and learn to trust you intuition. You are a brilliant young witch, soon to be an apprentice of one of the most complex skills in our world, you will learn so much but I can help you to begin. Twenty years ago I thought as you did but alone I learnt what I had to do, I made so many mistakes, mistakes that you need not make with me to guide you."

Hermione smiled, "You'll never stop being my teacher," she said taking his hand.

Severus raised it to his lips, pressing a kiss just above where her engagement ring glittered on her finger, "Nor shall you ever stop being mine," he said, "Come, place a stasis on this and come back to it tomorrow. You've been hard at work all week, you deserve an evening off."

"I wish I could but I need to finish this tonight," said Hermione, "After lessons tomorrow I have that supper thing with Slughorn."

"Ah yes, round one of the initiation into the Slug-Club," said Severus, "A select bunch if ever there were to be one. I think it's easier to get into the inner circle of Voldemort's followers."

"Don't tease," said Hermione, "I'd bet anything that you were part of it when you were at school."

"Well I was the most gifted potions student to grace the halls of Hogwarts," said Severus, with mock pride, "It would make a mockery of the club if I was not amongst them."

Hermione giggled, "Vanity doesn't suit you Severus," she said, adding another ingredient to her cauldron before counting the number of stirs she made, "What exactly am I letting myself into?"

"With the Slug-Club?" said Severus, "If its anything like it was you can expect a lot of simpering from Slughorn, nomination of favourites and lots of sweets. I went the first few times when I was invited however after I reached my sixth year it seemed I always had an urgent piece of homework to do."

"That bad huh?" said Hermione moving him out of the way as she carefully chopped the hyacinth root she needed to add to the bubbling mixture.

"Very dull and at that point an unwelcome torture too," he said.

"Torture?"

"In my fifth year, when I was first invited, I wasn't alone. Lily matched me in potion scores and we'd always go together, inseparable as we were," said Severus, "You can imagine Slughorn's enthusiasm when he realised that."

"I can imagine it would have been hard to see her after you argued," said Hermione before she frowned down into her cauldron, "It still bothers me she never forgave you for that. Couldn't you have used the time to speak to her though?"

Severus sighed, absently passing her the vial of dragon's blood she needed to complete the potion, "I did try however wherever she went she always had an escort," he said, "She'd begun to partner Lupin in potions and his scores improved immensely so he was invited in therefore every time she went so did he, I never had a moment to speak to her."

Hermione reached over and squeezed his arm, "I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't mean to pry."

"It was a valid question," he said covering her hand with his own, "Besides, I want to have as few secrets from you as possible. Finish your potion, I need to make some notes on mine. I'll be in the living room when you're done."

Hermione wanted to stop him but let him leave all the same, the subject of his friendship with Lily often having been difficult for him to talk of. She watched him go, seeing the tension in his shoulders as he stepped through the door into the bedroom. Her heart constricted as he disappeared from view, wondering if there would ever be a moment when the shadow of Lily's presence in his life wouldn't cast a dampener over their time together. She had always understood that Severus would always carry the memories of his lost friend but, with their situation as strained as it was, she worried that the memories of happier times with the dead woman would out weigh the joy of the half-life they were currently being forced to live.

She continued with her potion but her heart was not in it and the end result was far from the perfection she usually strived for. She made the minimal amount of notes she would need to right up a fuller account later before tidying up her work area, glad in their fastidiousness at least she and Severus were equally matched. She paused at his workbench on her way to the door, looking down at the ingredients set out there but unable to work out what he could be working on. She passed through the dark bedroom, running her hand along the dark green comforter that was laid over the sheets and her heart twisted in knowing that it would be a long while before she could share the space with him again.

She moved into the living room, the candles and fireplace giving the room a warm glow and casting into stark relief Severus' form as he scanned the books on the far side of the room. Hermione set her notes down on the small side table that she seemed to have taken as her own before turning to the bookcase nearest to the fireplace, returning the potions text she had borrowed to its rightful place. She indulged herself a moment in scanning the titles, some written in language so ancient she could not even begin to understand it.

She almost jumped in surprise as two strong arms wrapped around her waist, drawing her back against a firm chest.

"I have upset you, I'm sorry," said Severus, resting his cheek against her hair.

"I'm not upset but…"

"It hurt you that I left the room when talk turned to Lily," he said, stilling any argument, "Its not for want of what I once longed for in my relationship with her that pains me now, I told you long ago that my love for Lily holds nothing in comparison to you. What saddens me is that she and I never got the chance to make amends, to restore at least some of the friendship that we had shared. It is with such regret that I look back on our combined actions then that made us part on such terms. My best friend died hating me Hermione, allow me the grief that it was I that caused that to happen. Back then it was foolishness that cost me, now I have lost my best friend through necessity for much I still have you I have lost Harry who was coming to be as close to me as a brother. I miss him greatly and now all I see is hate in his eyes, the same eyes that his mother bore the same look in years ago."

"Oh Severus," said Hermione covering his hands at her waist with her own, "I know you miss him. I don't mean to get so jealous and I hate that I always manage to make you drag up sad memories of Lily."

"But at least I have someone to speak to of those memories," he said, "And they are not all sad. One day I will say her name and all I will feel is the fondness for a former acquaintance. She was my past Hermione but you and I are to build our future if we may."

Hermione smiled, "You should have been a poet," she said, "You could be my Lord Byron."

"A neurotically desperate syphilitic and opium addict," said Severus, with a tone of affront but his arms only tightened at her waist, "You wound me Miss Granger besides I would have thought you regarded me more as your Rochester."

Hermione turned in his arms, amusement playing on her face, "My Rochester?"

Severus smiled, "Am I not?" he said, "Here you stand, so many years younger than me, as yet truly unacquainted with the world and me, dark, unhandsome creature with a temper and a dark past."

Hermione giggled, "So long as you do not have a mad wife locked in the Astronomy Tower I can cope with you being Rochester," she said, "And you are very handsome even if you refuse to see it."

Severus rested his forehead against hers, "If I promise I definitely have no wife locked in the Astronomy Tower am I forgiven?"

"Nothing to forgive," said Hermione, kissing him as the clock chimed over the mantelpiece, "I didn't realise it was so late."

"My fault, I should have kept a check while you were working," said Severus, releasing her and helping her to collect her books, "Can't have you falling asleep in class, not with your NEWTs in the summer. I intend to see you pass every one with the best results possible."

Hermione frowned, "I don't know how I'm going to pass Dark Arts," she said, "Not with Voldemort stopping you and Page from teaching us anything we really need."

Severus sat down in the chair Hermione usually took, concern etching itself on his features, "Theoretically you have nothing to concern yourself with, the set text, regardless of what Page and I are forced to teach you all in class, will give you all the information you need to pass the written exam," he said, "As for your practical, I may not have the respect for our Headmaster as I once did but he is a good teacher, he will not let you fail."

"I'm sure he's a wonderful teacher," said Hermione, "But I've had the grand total of four lessons with him since the start of term. He's always cancelling things last minute. Harry's been helping me of course but there's only so much he's learning too."

Severus took her hand, "I didn't realise," he said, stroking the back of her hand with his fingers, "What if we were to find you another teacher?"

Hermione smiled at his tone, "You mean you?" she said.

"It would make sense," he said, "I am after all the Dark Arts Professor and we happen to spend every evening together. We can make arrangements with Dumbledore, as I won't be marking your work there's no issue of preference on my part so I cannot see him objecting. You can maintain the façade of tutoring with him but I will teach you."

"An adequate solution Professor," said Hermione, "Will you speak to him tomorrow?"

Severus nodded, "If I can get him on his own for a moment," he said, "I will ask him to confirm the arrangements to you at some point throughout the day and we can commence after the weekend. Now come along, you should be in bed."

Hermione smiled as she stepped back to allow him to get to his feet but he stilled her before she could bend for her bag. His lips met hers with a familiar pressure and Hermione indulged in the simplicity of the kiss. She was shocked however as his hands moved from her waist to her back, drawing her firmly against him as he deepened the kiss. She heard a moan and realised that it was her own, the passion he met her with startling her after so long of their almost chaste relationship. The sound however seemed to remind him of their boundaries and he released her gently.

"Forgive me," he said, "Its hard not to forget myself around you. I didn't mean to tease."

Hermione struggled to catch her breath before she spoke, "Its alright," she said, "I'm definitely not complaining."

"Even so, I've set these boundaries for us and yet I seem unable to keep to them," he said.

"Well then let me help you keep them," said Hermione, kissing him softly once more before she stepped back from him and picked up her bag, "Can I come to you tomorrow night after the Slug-Club? There's only Quidditch the next morning so I won't need to go to bed early."

Severus shook his head, "I won't be here to see you tomorrow night," he said, "I don't know when I'll be back. We're to meet Voldemort and Rini wanted to do something before we went. I need to go with her so the Dark Lord will believe that she and I are truly working together."

"Rini?" said Hermione, with barely disguised disgust, "You're calling Page, Rini now."

"At her request," said Severus, his fingers brushing softly against her chin, "Don't get jealous, I can truly promise there is absolutely nothing their but I must maintain appearances with her. She reports back to Voldemort on my every move."

Hermione managed a small smile, "Well I hope on some subconscious level she realises that I'll hex her into oblivion if she starts going after my man," she said.

Severus laughed, "I don't doubt that you would," he said, "Your Gryffindor tenacity alone would see to it. I will see you Saturday evening if you'll come down after dinner."

"I will but you'll see me before then anyway, we have a Dark Arts lesson last thing," she said.

"Try not to give me too many reasons to dock house points this time," he said, as he helped her step into the fireplace, "Head down, mouth shut is probably the best advice if you want to avoid getting either mine or Page's attention."

"Yours or Rini's attention don't you mean?" said Hermione as she took hold of the floo powder.

"Your humour astounds me Miss Granger," he said kissing her softly before he put his lips to her ear, "Ten points to Gryffindor."

Hermione smiled as he stepped back, keeping her eyes on his as she tossed down the floo powder and gave the direction to her room.

xxxx

"Ten points from Gryffindor."

A collective groan went up from every student sporting a red and gold tie while several shot scathing looks at their most bumbling classmate as Neville finally bent to pick up his dropped quill from the floor. It had been Page who had issued the point loss this time, slipping the punishment neatly between phrases of her colleague's lecture.

Severus continued with barely a flinch but the point loss pained him, Gryffindor already having lost more than usual as they had come against Page's temper. He was only glad that she had handed the lesson to him at the start of the class, leaving her the disciplinarian as he lectured. He hated when the roles were reversed, feeling compelled to take even more points than necessary but Page seemed to be leaning towards the vindictive more than usual. Deciding he needed to stem her current run of malice he finished his speech before turning to his colleague.

"If you would demonstrate, Professor," he said, with a small bow in her direction.

Page seemed more than happy to demonstrate the vicious protective spells that had been the subject of the class and Severus was only glad that a dummy rather than one of their charges bore the brunt of them. He moved through the desks that lined the classroom, barely able to see those seated on the far side of the room with the lights as low as they were. Page seemed to have taken to her role as main lecturer to heart once more and was menacing the front row with tales of what could occur if their spells went awry. Severus continued to the back of the room, leaning back against the far wall to watch the class. His eyes however did not remain on Page or her pupils but they moved to the spill of now well-tamed hair, down the slim back of the girl who sat at the desk in front of him.

He had wondered at first why there had been an empty seat at the front of the class when he had first strode into the room but when he had stolen a moment to glance over all the students gathered he had spotted Gryffindor's infamous know-it-all perched primly at a desk at the back. He had almost smiled in his gratitude but remembered his required persona before he did, glad nonetheless that she had heeded his request to not give him reason to pick on her. She had been silent all the way through the class, even when Page had made a point of hectoring her and Severus found he missed the sound of her voice.

He noticed the moment Hermione sensed his eyes on her, seeing her tense for a moment before she almost gave into the temptation to look over her shoulder, moving her head back to the front as she realised how obvious the move would be. Severus pushed back to standing and stalked to the edge of the rows of desks before moving back, deliberately close to the students' backs enough to see them flinch as they felt him pass. Finally he reached the back of Hermione's chair and with the barest of movements gently ran his fingers along her back, feeling her tense before she pressed back gently into his hand. He ended the touch as soon as he had begun it, not even missing a step as he continued his tour of the classroom.

From somewhere outside a bell sounded and Page swiftly dismissed them but not before setting them enough homework that was sure to dull any hope of a relaxing weekend. The chairs began to move as quietly as possible and Severus was sure that they had at least avoided losing anymore house points before the all too familiar sound of Ron Weasley's voice rang out in the quiet it what was meant to be a whisper.

"Three bloody feet!" he said of the essay's length, "Bloody slave drivers, don't they know we've got Quidditch tomorrow?"

"And detention tomorrow afternoon if you do not have more care," said Severus as the boy passed him, "Five points from Gryffindor."

Ron scowled at him but at least kept his mouth shut as he headed to the door, several of his housemates waiting there for them. Severus' gaze followed them, lighting on the girl who stood beside the door. He didn't smile and neither did she but they both knew it was there and Severus knew he could face the evening ahead with far less trepidation than he had been.

XXXX

Hermione all but bounced out of the classroom, Severus' warm gaze buoying her despite the knowledge that she would not see him until the following evening. She caught Ron's look and quickly schooled her features but he had seen her smile all the same.

"What are you so happy about?" he said, the points loss clearly still stinging.

She shrugged, "Weekend."

"Whatever," he muttered, "Probably just excited about your genius club."

"Its not a genius club," said Harry, "Its just dinner with Slughorn."

"Where only the geniuses got invited," said Ron, before he turned towards the main doors, "Well while you go swotting I'm going to practice for tomorrow. I'm sure the team will be fine training without the Captain!"

"Ron stop it, you know we've gone through the training plan already this week," said Harry, "We're as prepared as we can be for tomorrow?"

Hermione could see that neither side was going to back down and stepped in, taking hold of Harry's arm, "We need to go, we'll be late," she said.

Harry seemed set the protest but then he nodded, "We'll see you later Ron," he said.

The other boy just shrugged before he sloped off towards the stairs, heading once more down to the pitch to practice for their match in the morning. Hermione and Harry turned towards the common room, separating to quickly change before they headed to Slughorn's office together.

The evening was how Hermione had imagined it would be, no one making much in the way of conversation and awkward silences abounded, filled mostly by Slughorn probing them on their histories. She was at least glad that the food was good, contenting herself with that rather than the conversation. She had thought that with such a select group they would at least be talking about Potions or the finer aspects of magic but it seemed to be little more than a boasting session for those who could, the Pure or Half bloods amongst them dropping names as and when they could. She was only glad that she knew Severus was away from Hogwarts, so she wasn't mourning an evening with him lost to the tedium of the Slug-Club.

As dessert arrived the conversation continued to deteriorate, a boy named Belby nattering on about his somewhat alcoholic father whilst shovelling profiteroles into his mouth and Cormac taking great pleasure in letting all gathered know his connections with the more powerful wizarding families. Hermione let her mind wonder slightly from the crowd, imagining the amusement that would be on Severus' face if he could only see how she was suffering. She almost missed the question Slughorn directed towards her but caught enough to answer him though it was without her usual poise. She felt every inch a Muggle-born as they all looked at her in confusion as she explained the nature of her parents' employment. She carried on all the same, hoping she made sense to them and tried her best to defuse the obvious tension that had seemed to surface in the room.

Finally the conversation moved away from her and she felt quite relieved, letting her eyes wander over those who gathered to see if any of them were still looking at her with the confusion her conversation had provoked. She instantly regretted the action as she met Cormac's eyes, the look in them clearly trying to be becoming to her but they merely made her stomach flip with disgust. She heard the door open and looked up, her heart giving her a false hope that she would see Severus stride in with his robes billowing behind him. She could imagine him crossing the room and offering her his hand as the room looked on in shock. He would tell her that he was free of Voldemort before he kissed her without a care for who saw and sweep her from the room.

She smiled ruefully to herself as it was Ginny who came through the door but her self-mirth was short lived as she saw the red rims to her eyes. She felt Harry stiffen beside her at the sound of the younger girl's voice as she apologised for her tardiness and leant towards him.

"Look at her eyes," she said, "She and Dean have been fighting again."

She felt him stiffen further and knew that it was hatred that rushed his veins, hatred for anyone that had brought pain to the girl he was watching. She knew the feeling well, the rage familiar to her whenever she heard someone speak ill of Severus. Ginny began to head to the table and to everyone's surprise Harry got to his feet, the courtesy long since abandoned even in the wizarding world.

Ginny swiftly took her seat and soon the group had even forgotten her entrance as the posturing continued. Hermione was glad when the elves came and took their plates, allowing everyone to leave their seats and split into groups around the room. She had hoped to stay with Harry and Ginny but Slughorn collared her before she could head to them.

"I was very impressed with your paper on Wolfsbane that you handed in to me yesterday Miss Granger," he said, "Very insightful."

"Thank you sir," she said with a preen, glad that her future mentor had such faith in her work, "I hope my suggestions for improvement weren't too experimental."

"Not at all," he said, "The ideas have merit if they can be captured but the ingredients are rare."

"But with the proper application the effects of the potion could be longer lasting," said Hermione, "Perhaps it is something we could look at in more detail in my private lessons."

"Certainly," said Slughorn, "With work like that we could have you taking your exams in weeks rather than months. I have little doubt my dear that you will make the shelf one day."

Hermione felt a colour take her cheeks as he gestured to the surface that was all but groaning under the weight of the pictures that were on displayed on it. Slughorn's words had drawn the attention of several glances of those gathered and Hermione longed to be away from the scrutiny. Luckily for her Neville chose that moment to topple a vase he had been looking at, only a swift spell from Blaise stopping it from crashing to the floor. Slughorn was immediately rushing to the abused vase with concern and Hermione made good her escape. Her path to Harry and Ginny however was thwarted by an arm that came to rest against the pillar she was about to pass.

"Granger."

Hermione suppressed the urge to shove his arm out of the way and forced a smile, "Cormac," she said, trying to find a way to step around him.

"Enjoying the evening?" he said.

"Splendid," she said, hating her own tone but wanting to remove herself as quickly as she could from his presence.

"Going to the game tomorrow?"

Hermione looked briefly over his shoulder, catching Harry's eye and hoping her realised that he was needed, "Our house is playing and my best friend is our Seeker, I think its safe to say that I'll be there."

"Its just you lock yourself away a lot," he said.

"I do have a lot of work on," she said, glad as she saw Harry approach them.

"McLaggan," he said, clapping the older boy on his back, "I've been meaning to talk to you about the Quidditch reserve team."

Hermione didn't give Cormac a chance to protest as she ducked passed him, silently thanking Harry for stepping in to rescue her. She headed over to Ginny, saying nothing as she hugged the younger girl to her, knowing that she needed to say little to comfort her. She let Ginny choose the direction of the conversation thereafter, the pair of them chatting contentedly about anything other than the subjects the desperately wanted to share with one another. Harry finally rejoined them, Cormac having been collared by Slughorn but the conversation was stilted at best until Ginny claimed a headache and excused herself from the party.

Inane conversation only lasted so long and Harry and Hermione soon found themselves sat side by side on the sofa, watching the proceedings form a distance. Hermione turned to look at her friend, seeing the pensive look on his face.

"Worrying about Quidditch tactics?" she said.

Harry smiled, "Not particularly," he said, "What was that with McLaggan earlier?"

"What was what with McLaggan?"

"He seemed particularly keen on talking to you tonight."

Hermione grimaced, "Everywhere I turn he's there," she said, "I've got no idea why he's suddenly so interested."

Harry laughed lightly, "I might be immune because you're like a sister to me but have you looked in the mirror recently?" he said, "Cormac's not the only one to have noticed either."

"Well I'm not interested in any of them," said Hermione, "I wish they'd get the hint, Cormac especially."

Harry was silent for a moment, a frown on his face before he spoke, "You need to move on one day you know," he said, his hand straying to her collar and catching the chain that bore her engagement ring, "From Sn…from Severus. He's gone. He's…"

"I know what he is Harry," said Hermione, her voice catching, "But I can't…"

"I'm sorry," said Harry as he saw the tears in her eyes, "I shouldn't have said anything."

Hermione wanted to tell him that everything was fine but the words wouldn't come to her and she got to her feet. She leant down to hug him, taking the sting from her sudden move before she smiled weakly, "I think its time I went to bed," she said, "Don't worry about me Harry. I'm fine."

The boy looked unconvinced but nodded, "Goodnight then," he said.

"Goodnight Harry," said Hermione, glad few eyes were on them as she headed to the door.

She headed through the quieting corridors, the majority of students having retired already to their common rooms as the curfew swiftly approached. She glanced over at the stairs that would have led her to the dungeons and longed to head down to Severus' rooms in full view of those who knew her, to let everyone see how proud she was to be his but she knew she had to keep their secret, more than their own lives at risk if it was revealed.

The Gryffindor common room was sparsely populated when she arrived, most people having retired to their beds despite it being a Friday night. There was no one up who inspired Hermione to remain in the room and so she headed to her private chamber. For a moment she allowed herself the brief hope that she would find Severus sat upon the bed awaiting her but she was unsurprised to find the room empty. She drew herself a bath, dropping her clothes without a care on the bedroom floor before she headed into the room that was filling rapidly with steam. The warm, fragrant steam relaxed her more than anything as she sank into the water. She reached back and unfastened the chain around her neck, removing the ring from it before she let the chain fall forgotten to the floor. She slid the ring home before admiring it in the candlelight, the light bouncing off both the light and dark gems that made it up.

"Severus," she murmured softly, moving her hands languidly through the water before she brought them up to her neck, rubbing at the tired muscles.

She let her mind wander onto memories of the summer when it had been Severus' skilled hands that had coaxed her tired muscles into relaxation. She smiled as she remembered where such a touch had so often led, touch that was denied her now through the constraints so forced upon them. She refused to let such constraints infringe on the space she had been given as her own and let her mind recollect the fonder memories she held of Severus. At first she called consciously on them but soon they came unbidden but she found them altered all the same, the face of the man replacing the face of the boy in all the memories despite what had been their reality. Her hands travelled paths that his had once taken and soon she found herself keening his name, though the pleasure was only a fraction of what she had known with him.

The water began to cool around her and she realised she had left her wand in the bedroom and as such could not warm it once more with magic. She finally left the bathroom and returned to the bedroom, snagging Severus' shirt from beneath her pillow and slipping it on. She extinguished the flames in the fireplace and climbed into bed, pulling the covers around her and closing her eyes as her fingers traced the stones of her engagement ring.

It felt like only moments later when she opened her eyes again but the moonlight that had filtered through her window no longer did so and she knew she awoke far into the depths of the night. At first she thought to turn back to her pillow but a noise caught her attention and she reached on instinct for her wand, casting a light into the room with a swift spell. It took her a moment for her eyes to fall on what had woken her but when she did she couldn't escape the gasp that escaped her.

"Severus!"

"I didn't mean to wake you," he said from where he sat by the now lit fireside, his black robes trailing around him as he sat on the rug with his arms wrapped around his knees, "Go back to sleep."

Hermione ignored the instruction, pulling the robe around her shoulders to keep out the residual chill of the room, "How long have you been here?" she said as she padded softly towards him.

"Half an hour or so," he said, "I couldn't bear the dungeons, they felt so oppressive."

Hermione stiffened as she heard the slight catch in his voice, "You should have woken me."

"Your presence was enough to comfort me, just listening to you sleep," said Severus, his voice holding a distance in its quality, "It helped me to…"

Hermione hurriedly fastened her robe as she watched him break, his face buried in his arms as he sobbed without a care for who heard him. She hurried to his side, pulling him into her arms despite how disconcerted she felt when she realised he wore not his teacher's robes but those he wore as a Death Eater. She hushed him as best she could but he continued to cry unabated, even the tears she had heard from him when Dumbledore had given him the choice of age or Azkaban nothing in comparison.

"Sweetheart, tell me what's wrong," she pleaded, "Severus please, I don't know what to do."

"Dead, so many dead," he said, his tears barely quieting as he kept tight hold of her, "It was so dark, so close. I couldn't breathe and all the time… screaming, they were screaming."

"Hush," said Hermione, rocking him gently as she realised the horrors he spoke of where one's he had seen that night, "Don't talk if it makes it worse. Hush my love."

Severus seemed to calm for a moment and his grip on the robe she wore seemed to loosen but something played once more in his mind and he choked on a sob, "I killed people tonight."

Hermione froze but she kept hold of him, knowing that he would have been under such duress to even contemplate such an action. As though the words were a catalyst for it though, her senses caught the distinct smell of blood, a scent all too familiar to her. Panic gripped her and she swiftly pushed at his shoulders, cursing the low light as she tried to make out any mark on the black robe that could indicate injury.

"You're hurt," she said desperately, "Let me see."

Severus pulled away from her searching hands, running his hands frantically over his robes before he tore them off, "Its not my blood," he said, "Not mine. Its theirs, those poor girls, its theirs."

Hermione reached out to him, managing to close her fingers around his forearm as he tried to keep back from her, "Sweetheart, it's over now," she said, "It's over. Whatever he made you do, it's over."

Severus shook his head, "I will never be rid of it," he said, his black hair falling to mask his face, "It was meant to be no more than a meeting, Page and I were meant to report on Harry's movements at the school, our suspicions on the Order."

"Take your time," said Hermione, moving to his side and wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"We got there and already I knew the night would be rough," said Severus, "So many more of Voldemort's followers than were necessary for the task I had thought to perform. I saw them as we descended further into the house, four girls, not a one of them a day over fourteen, poor wretched things. They'd been there a while, there were marks upon them already but the worst was still to come. They were Muggle, not a drop of magical blood in their veins, each stolen from their beds and forced into a kinship of agony at the hands of Voldemort's most trusted circle. Voldemort was in a mood that seemed almost gleeful and swiftly invited us to watch. We obeyed of course but I turned away when his attention wasn't on me. I doubt I need to tell you what happened next, those poor girls."

"No you don't," said Hermione softly, "But you can if you want to, if you need to."

"I can't," he said, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes, "I might not have seen it all but I heard it, oh how I heard it. I could cope though, I've sat through worse at Voldemort's whim but I didn't know what he had in store for me. He called me to him, forced me to look at the devastation that was becoming of those girls' innocence and that's when I saw her and it was all I could do not to scream. She looked so like you, a few years younger maybe but so like you. I swear my heart stopped beating and over and over I had to tell myself that she wasn't you. Voldemort offered her to me, a reward and a test. I claimed incapability once more and so he kept me at his side whilst MacNair fulfilled the Dark Lord's wishes."

Hermione said nothing as she felt the man in her arms shudder, knowing how desperately vulnerable he was as he relied on her to be a lifeline tethering him to reality. Severus was silent for a long time and Hermione wasn't sure if she even knew that she was there as he moved neither towards her nor away from her.

"I killed them Hermione," said Severus suddenly, his voice cutting through the silence of the room, "I killed them. They were half dead when the Death Eaters were done with them and in such pain but they would have lived, recovered in time. Voldemort couldn't allow that and so he bid his followers despatch them. I knew they wouldn't be kind, that those girls would reach death through even more torture than they had already suffered and I couldn't let it happen so I asked for the boon. I begged Voldemort to let me kill the vile, Muggle girls. Those evil, ambitious girls that longed to bear a wizard's child and I hated my own voice, begged Providence to strike me mute. He granted my request and one by one I took their lives, I watched the light go out of their eyes a moment after they'd given me their name. I'll never forgive them."

Hermione moved so that she was knelt before him, taking his face in her hands, "You spared them," she said softly, "You spared them so much pain."

Severus shook his head vehemently, "I murdered them," he said, "If there is such a place as hell then my presence there is assured."

Hermione pressed a kiss to his forehead, "The first girl, the one who looked like me, what was her name?"

"Laura," he said, a tear breaking loose and coursing down his cheek, "She was called Laura."

Hermione kissed the tear drop, only pulling back far enough to whisper against his cheek, "Laura forgives you," she said, "Who was the second girl?"

Severus' breathing hitched as his tears fell anew, partly at her touch and partly at her words, "Mary," he said.

"Mary forgives you," said Hermione repeating the gesture on his other cheek.

"Annabelle," said Severus without prompting, "And Catelyn."

"Annabelle forgives you," said Hermione, "Catelyn forgives you."

Severus shuddered at the tenderness in her touch but was surprised as she leaned in once more and kissed his lips as gently as she had his tears.

"I forgive you," said Hermione, her entire heart behind the words, "I forgive you Severus."

She needed no prompting to take him into her arms as he fell almost boneless into them. She ran a hand along his back, hushing him softly as her other hand stroked his long dark hair. She knew he was balancing on a knife edge from what he had seen but she also knew he would be reliant on her to pull him back to normality as quickly as she could.

"On your feet," she said firmly, "I'll run you a bath and fetch you something to sleep in, you're staying with me tonight."

Severus shook his head, "I won't sleep, the nightmares, they'll…"

"I'll carry you through them," said Hermione, "I know we agreed on boundaries but you need me with you tonight. Let me run you a bath, it'll help you feel better."

Severus let her guide him to his feet, fatigue causing him to lean on her as they crossed the dimly lit room to the bathroom. Hermione left him to lean against the washstand as she charmed the taps on the bath, the tub filling far quicker than the natural run of water would allow. He stiffened as Hermione's hands went to the buttons of his shirt, beginning to unbutton them. He bit back any words though at her look, years of administering such a scowl not leaving him immune to it when it was turned on him.

Hermione slowly undressed him, the action feeling more maternal than what she was used to, knowing he needed her comfort and calm to keep him grounded. Finally she guided him to the water, feeling an inexplicable blush on her cheeks as he climbed in despite having undressed him without such a reaction. She finally settled him, leaning over to kiss him softly.

"Stay here and try to relax," she said, "I'll go to your rooms and get you some clothes."

"Hermione," said Severus, his hand closing gently around her forearm, "Thank you, my darling."

She smiled, gently patting his hand, "I'll be two minutes," she said, heading once more to the door.

In short order she returned, soft cotton strewn over her arm that she has seen him wear to bed before. She returned to the bathroom, depositing the nightwear on the vanity before she turned to him. He had barely moved or so it seemed, his hair damp only at the ends where it trailed in the water, but his eyes were caught on the mark on his left arm; the deep black etching marring the perfect pale skin. Hermione hated the look in his eyes, the look that told her he was a heartbeat away from finding a knife and hacking the cursed mark out of his flesh.

"Severus," she said softly, "One day it will be gone. One day you will be free."

"Maybe," he said, his voice distant, "But what will be left of me?"

"Everything," said Hermione, kneeling beside the bath and laying her small hand against his chest, "What you have to do…what you're forced to do by Voldemort and by Dumbledore is not capable of destroying who you are unless you let it. You told me what you were forced to do tonight and I didn't run screaming because I know you had to do it."

"Only you could forgive a murderer," said Severus.

"I may be asking your forgiveness before all this is over," said Hermione, "If a war comes, my magic will be used to end lives, I know it."

Severus reached a hand up to her cheek, causing water droplets to cling to her skin as he did so, "I will do everything in my power to prevent that from happening," he said, "I will do all I can to keep you from the fight."

Hermione smiled, covering his hand with her own and not even attempting to engage in the old fight over her place in the war, "Come one," she said, deciding that to continue on their maudlin thread would only damage them both, "You'd best get washed up before you turn into a prune. Your clothes are on the side and I'm sure I can manage tea."

"Looking after me again," said Severus, his eyes still dull but not as haunted as they had been.

"Always," said Hermione, getting to her feet and heading back to the bedroom.

She looked back to see Severus watching her with a half smile before returning one of her own, glad he was emerging from his darkened mood.

She had the tea steeping in the pot when Severus finally emerged from her bathroom, dressed in the loose pyjama pants and t-shirt she had grown used to seeing him in first as a teenager and then as an adult. His long black hair was wet and pushed back from his face, dripping steadily onto his shoulders before he rubbed at it with the towel still in his hands.

"Better?" she said, forcing her voice into a more cheerful tone.

"A little," he said, folding the towel neatly and hanging it over the back of her dressing table chair, "I'm sure the tea will improve things further."

"And then a cuddle even more?" said Hermione, fixing their drinks and handing him a cup.

"A plan if I ever heard one," said Severus, taking her hand as he led her over to the bed.

The mood improved steadily as they sat together, talk moving from lessons and school to their planned travels, the dream alone buoying them both despite their uncertain futures.

Hermione had soon retrieved the Chinese book Severus had given her, the pair of them both falling into laughter as they tried and failed to master even the most basic phrases. After one such disastrous attempt on Severus' part, Hermione couldn't help but laugh louder than she had before, unable to contain herself as Severus tried and failed once more with the phrase.

"You sound so ridiculous," she said between giggles.

"Kick a man when he's down," said Severus, "I'm doing my best."

"It's a T at best," said Hermione.

"Cheeky witch," said Severus before he reached out to her, catching her firmly around the waist and dragging her across the bed, pinning her beneath him as he began to tickle her.

Hermione shrieked both at the shock of his actions as much as his tickling fingers, so unused to him being so playful since he had been forced back into his adulthood. She fought him back, the pair of them rolling in the sheets in a far more innocent game than anyone would have cast them in should they have borne witness to it. Hermione cried out again as Severus once more gained the upper hand but it was not the sound that made him freeze above her but instead the sound of her bedroom door slamming back on its hinges. Faster than any one else could have cast the spell, Severus had rolled from Hermione and called his wand from where he had left it amongst his robes in the bathroom. That alone though was not fast enough for their assailant and his wand was sent flying from his hand the moment it had retrieved it.

"Snape! You bastard, leave her alone."

"Harry no!" cried Hermione, "Expelliarmus!"

Harry's wand went flying from his hand but that did not stop the boy before her as he launched himself across the room at his teacher, Severus not putting up a fight as the younger man pushed him to the floor. Hermione rushed to the door rather than to the pair, knowing that Severus could handle it for the moment and more concerned about further people being woken by the sound of their struggle. She slammed it shut and locked it tightly before she turned back to the pair struggling on the rug. A burst of magic split them apart but Harry quickly recovered himself and moved back towards Severus with the same vehemence as before. This time however Severus did not yield to the force, using Harry's momentum against him and flipping him onto his back, pinning him to the floor.

"Harry, for Merlin's sake, I'm not your enemy," said Severus.

Harry continued his struggle for a moment before he paused, looking up at the man above him, "What?"

Hermione smiled as she leaned against Severus' shoulder, "Severus isn't your enemy, Harry," she said, tapping the older man and encouraging him to release the younger.

"What?" said Harry again, straightening his glasses as he sat up, "But you said…"

"I lied," said Hermione, "I've been lying since the start of term. I'm sorry."

"But I don't…"

"Up," said Severus, cutting Harry off as he took hold of his wrist and yanked him to his feet and turned him to the nearest chair, "Sit."

Harry looked up at his former friend, green eyes searching the black before him, "Severus?" he said.

Severus smiled, "Well its better than Snape you bastard," he said.

"But you…" began Harry, once more before trailing off, looking between Hermione and the man before him, "What on earth is going on?"

"I think we might need some more tea, P.B," said Severus, hearing Harry's gasp at the familiar nickname, "This may take a little while."

"Couldn't agree more sweetheart," said Hermione, unable to help the laugh at the look on her friend's face, "Though I think our Harry might need something a little stronger."

The tea was made, drunk and the cups long forgotten by the time Severus and Hermione had finished their confession to their friend, Harry's disbelief slowly melting away until he was smiling in relief at the truth that had been denied to him. The younger man had been angry that he had been kept so in the dark but soon understood Severus' reasoning, though Hermione fought to contain a bristle as he tried to defend Dumbledore's part in Severus' transformation. It was only the clock striking three that reminded them all that it was the middle of the night and the eve of one of Gryffindor's biggest Quidditch matches.

"I'd best let you get to bed," said Severus, sitting back in the chair he had drawn up to the fire, Harry sat opposite him and Hermione knelt at his feet, "Can't have our seeker too sleepy to see the snitch now."

"Thought you'd be cheering Slytherin on again now," said Harry, though there was no accusation in his tone.

"You noticed I didn't take back the role of house head," said Severus, "I'm still red and gold underneath it all."

Harry smiled, "Glad to hear it," he said, "I just can't believe that you're you. The others…"

"No Harry," said Hermione, "You mustn't tell the others. We weren't even meant to let you know."

"Hermione's right," said Severus, "I never wanted to lie to you Harry but I did so to keep you safe and for you to continue to be safe we need to carry on as we have been. To all intents and purposes you have to hate me, at least when everyone else can see. I'd love to let the others know but one of them is bound to blow my cover. Until this is over, until the threat from You-Know-Who is gone, you need to make everyone believe that you hate me otherwise everything is lost."

Harry nodded, "Ok," he said, "But promise that I can see you. I've spent this whole term hating someone I thought was my best friend and now I know I didn't need to I don't want to lose you again."

Severus smiled, "We'll make something work," he said, "But it won't be often otherwise people will get suspicious. Now get to bed, or I'll have to start taking house points."

"Yes sir," said Harry, getting to his feet, pulling Severus into a hug as the other man stood, "I'm glad you're back."

"I never left," said Severus, "But I know what you mean."

Hermione stood back, watching the two men exchange the heartfelt goodbye, knowing that it would bring solace to the both of them. They finally parted and Harry headed to the door, the two exchanging predictions for the Quidditch match that had Hermione rolling her eyes before Harry left the room, hoping that no one else would have got up to wander the common room as Harry did whenever he couldn't sleep. She thought of the rumours that would abound if anyone did see the boy leave but she knew it would at least distance her further from a relationship with Severus.

She barely even flinched as the lights extinguished around her, leaving the room bathed only in pale moonlight as a large, firm hand took hold of her own. She turned to look up at the man beside her, seeing the warm, familiar smile that was all the brightened by the past hour. Without a word she followed him to the large bed, curling into the warm blankets and warmer body before finally giving in to sleep, knowing the world would be a little brighter come morning.


	6. Affirmation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Quidditch match brings back some painful memories for Hermione, prompting her and Severus to reaffirm their relationship.

Warm, strong arms tightened around Hermione’s waist as the illuminating charm she had put on her room told her that it was morning. She muttered a spell to extinguish it, smiling at the deep chuckle against the back of her neck.

“I take it you have no desire to get up yet,” said Severus, making little move to get up himself.

“We went to sleep ten minutes ago,” said Hermione, “And it’s not often I get to have you like this anymore. I want to enjoy it while I can. How are you feeling?”

Severus sighed, “Better than I did,” he said, “Thanks to you.”

“And Harry,” said Hermione, turning in his embrace and smiling at the sight of his dark eyes still hooded with sleep, “I’m glad he knows. He’s missed you so much.”

“And I’ve missed him. I miss all of you,” said Severus, with a frown, “When I was first transformed last year, it took forever for me to feel at home in my younger body but when I did I could not truly recall ever having been an adult. Now it’s like this isn’t the real me any more. This is my true form and yet, it feels so alien. I feel like I am playing at being an adult.”

Hermione freed a hand from between them and gently stroked his lightly stubbled cheek, “I understand,” she said, “It must be hard. You’ve been through so much and have never really been given a chance to adjust at either end of the spectrum. I just wish the Ministry had let you be.”

Severus smiled, pressing a kiss to her palm, “And if wishes were Quidditch points, Gryffindor would have the House Cup by the end of the day,” he said, “I’m sorry it has to be this way darling. One day it will be different, I swear…well, I hope.”

“Me too,” said Hermione as the faint sounds of the waking students in the common room beyond filtered through the door, “I guess we’d better get moving. It’s Quidditch and people will be expecting me to be in the cheering section. Will you be in the stands?”

Severus shook his head, “I don’t think I could watch it, especially if I have to be seen to support Slytherin,” he said, “I shall claim I have lessons to plan and absent myself. Try to enjoy the match though.”

“I’ll try,” said Hermione, “Can I see you tonight?”

Severus nodded, “Come down after Quidditch but stay in the common room if you win and there are celebrations, you need to spend time with your friends, particularly to make sure Harry doesn’t blow my cover.”

“He’s smart enough not to,” she assured him, as she feathered the silky strands of his hair through her fingers, “You’re going to have to move. I’ve not got the strength to let you go.”

“Then I shall endeavour to be the strong one,” said Severus, humour in his tone but there was a melancholy beneath that he could not hide, “Might I have a kiss to start my day though?”

Hermione smiled before pressing a soft, swift kiss to his lips, following it quickly with a deeper one that she knew could have led to so much more had either of them let it. Instead, Severus broke from her gently, moving to press a final, lingering kiss to her forehead before he slipped from the bed. Hermione sat up as he headed towards the pile of bloody robes that he had worn when he arrived. She refused to turn her eyes away from the sight of them, knowing she had to accept all that he was including the actions he had to undertake as a spy. 

“Will you be ok?” she asked, wrapping her arms around her knees.

“I will be fine,” he assured her, “You helped a great deal last night and have renewed my strength. I must accept as well that lives I took last night may just be the tip of the iceberg. If all goes as the Dark Lord plans then I will be forced to turn my wand onto people I consider friends and there may be times when I have to be seen to mean it.”

Hermione felt tears spring to her eyes at his words but she forced them back, “I understand,” she said, “But I hope you never have to.”

“Me too,” said Severus before he offered her a small smile, “Now come, no melancholy thoughts this morning. Dress head to toe in red and go cheer on our friends. Tell Harry good luck from me.”

“I will,” said Hermione with a smile before it broke into a giggle, “You boys, all is right in the world so long as there’s Quidditch.”

“But of course,” said Severus before he headed to the fireplace and extinguished the flames, stepping inside when they had cooled, “I’ll see you later my love. Have a wonderful day.”

“You too,” said Hermione, blowing him a kiss as he threw down the floo powder and disappeared into the green flames.

She climbed out of bed once he left, a wave of her wand erasing all remaining evidence of blood from his arrival the night before. She washed and dressed quickly, pulling on her somewhat faded Gryffindor t-shirt before she grabbed her coat, scarf and the beloved red gloves Severus had given to her in the first months of their friendship. 

She left her room, immediately feeling eyes on her and smiling as she turned to see Harry leant against the fireplace with a knowing smirk on his face. Hermione shook her head in amusement; glad however that he knew and felt able to joke with her even if it was silently. 

He pushed away from mantle, crossing the room to her, “Sleep well?” he said, barely keeping the laughter from his voice.

“Wonderfully,” said Hermione before pointedly looking over his shoulder, “Where’s Ronald?”

Harry rolled his eyes, “Fussing about his Quidditch gear upstairs still and I got hungry,” he said, “He can meet us in the hall if you’re ready to go down?”

“I’m starving,” said Hermione, following him to the portrait exit.

“Worked up an appetite?”

“Stop it,” said Hermione, though there was little reproach in her words, “Please be careful Harry.”

“What?” he said innocently, “It’s hardly my fault if you spent half the night curled up with your books.”

“My books,” said Hermione through clenched teeth, “Were a little over taxed last night and needed rest. My relationship with my homework has been changed by recent circumstance.”

“You’re still dedicated to your NEWTs though, aren’t you?” said Harry, concern in his tone. 

Hermione smiled at his coded question, “Completely,” she said honestly, “But sometimes different study methods are necessary when the subject is made complex by unanticipated situations.”

“I know if anyone can overcome the difficulties, then it’s you,” said Harry, “And I’m happy that you’re doing well.”

Hermione took his arm as they descended the stairs, leaning in to whisper to him, “He sends good luck wishes for the match,” she said.

“Tell him thanks when you see him,” said the boy, leading her into the hall.

Both of them let their eyes stray to the teachers’ table but the object of their conversation was notably absent which didn’t surprise Hermione, certain he would be seeking his own company and the solace of his private chambers until she went to him later on in the day. They sat down next to each other at the long tables and Harry smiled at her once more.

“I’m so glad it wasn’t true,” he said, “I always hoped…”

“I know,” said Hermione, keeping her eyes on those surrounding them in case they chose to listen in, “You understand though?”

“Yes,” said Harry, “But I do want to discuss it more, when the time is right.”

“We can arrange something,” she replied, reaching for the warm buttered toast that appeared before her, “How do you think the match will go today?”

“Well enough,” said Harry, “Though we’re suffering a little without Katie. Slytherin aren’t fielding strong chasers this year though so we have a chance there.”

“Might give Ron a chance,” said Hermione, looking up as she heard the catcalls from the Slytherin table to see the boy in question in the doorway in his keeper kit, “He does not look well and I don’t think it’s because of a potion this time.”

“He’s got a lot to live up to,” said Harry, leaving the rest of the statement unsaid though Hermione knew he was referring to Severus’ performance as keeper for the team, “Smile, he’s coming over.”

“Good morning Ronald,” said Hermione brightly as the pale boy sat down in the chair opposite them both, “Looking forward to the match?”

“I feel sick,” said the boy, pushing away the plate of food that appeared before him, “I don’t know how I can go out there.”

“You’ll be fine,” said Hermione, “We were discussing the set up of the teams before you came in and most of the people at dinner last night, Slytherin house excepted of course, seemed to think Gryffindor were assured of the cup again.”

Ron frowned, seemingly forgetting his illness as he spoke, “And how was genius club? Neville said something about a Christmas party and McLaggen was telling everyone you were going to go with him. I thought you didn’t like the git. I can’t believe you’re going with him after everything you’ve said…”

“I don’t like him and I haven’t agreed to go anywhere with him,” snapped Hermione, cutting off his tirade, “He hasn’t asked me and even if he did I would say no. I was going to ask you to come to the party with me as a friend but now you can go swing.”

“Hello all.”

Luna’s silvery voice cut off any further argument and the sight of her in a ridiculous hat in the shape of a lion’s head cooled Hermione’s ire at least. 

“Morning Luna,” she said, “Take it you’re cheering for us today.”

“Of course, you are my friends after all,” said the blonde witch, “I’ll cheer especially hard for you Ron. Everyone is rooting for you to do well.”

Ron paled once more at her words, “Everyone is going to be watching me,” he said, “This is worse than last year. Do you have anyone on the subs bench Harry?”

“Not ready to go out at such short notice,” said Harry, reaching into his pocket, “Just drink your juice.”

“You look dreadful Ron,” said Luna softly as Harry passed him a cup, “Is that why you put something in his drink Harry?”

Harry said nothing but the glittering phial of Liquid Luck glinted in his hand before he returned it to his pocket. 

“Ron, don’t drink it,” said Hermione, desperately looking around her to see if anyone noticed what had gone on.

Ron paid her warning no mind, downing the goblet in one go before he shot them all a confident smile. The boys soon left and Hermione sat with Luna at the table, making inane conversation that she barely concentrated on until it was time for them to head down to the pitch.

The match went as she could have predicted, Ron saving every attempt on the goals as the Liquid Luck took hold and his confidence grew with every pass. The potion clearly meant it looked more like luck than judgement and Hermione missed the grace and skill she had seen the one time she had been privileged to see Severus play. 

The final whistle was swift, Harry locating and catching the snitch before the game truly got underway but Hermione was glad of it, melancholy running through her veins as memories assaulted her of every moment she had spent with Severus in the stands. Their shared, friendly embrace when she had convinced him to join her after they had finally started to call one another by their given names. Watching him fall after the rogue bludger destroyed the stand only to see him recover himself with magic that had been forced onto him by the Dark Lord. Snuggled together beneath an umbrella watching the workshops Victor had held, both of them longing to move the embrace to more than just friendship but never having the courage to do so. Standing alone in the stands and watching him fly in crimson and gold, their celebratory kiss revealing their relationship to all and liberating them from the secrecy they had forced upon themselves.

Even the jubilant mood of the entirety of Gryffindor house at their victory did nothing to improve her mood, though she kept her promise to Severus to remain in the common room afterwards. The party was growing wild and Ron was happily at the centre of it, Hermione keeping her silence on Harry’s use of Liquid Luck to aid him. 

She felt the boy in question move to stand beside her, a smile on his face as he watched his friend celebrate amidst his adoring fans.

“You shouldn’t have done it,” she admonished quietly, knowing Harry heard her when she saw his lips quirk in a smile.

“I know,” said Harry, turning to look at her, “I suppose I could’ve just used a Confundus charm.”

Hermione paled but rallied, “That was different. That was tryouts. This was an actual game.”

Harry reached into his pocket, drawing out the small, glittering vessel she had seen him tip over Ron’s cup at breakfast but the potion still remained within the bottle and she realised the ruse at last.

“You didn’t put it in?” she said as Harry returned the bottle to his pocket, “Ron only thought you did.”

She turned her attention back to the object of their discussion but immediately regretted her decision as she saw Lavender Brown finally make the move they had all anticipated for so long, the kiss desperate and without a care for anyone around them. Her heart lurched as she remembered sharing a similar kiss on the Quidditch pitch, the first open declaration of her love for Severus. A love she was forced to deny in the most horrible way every single day and it broke her heart every time she did so. 

Unable to bear witness to the scene any longer she turned from the crowds, rushing into the abandoned corridors of Gryffindor tower and caring little for the cold drafts that permeated the ancient stones as she sat down on the worn steps. Hot tears ran down her cheeks and she wanted to scream at the unfairness of the situation she found herself in, silently cursing Minerva, Dumbledore, the Ministry and anyone else who had led Severus onto the path he found himself on. She felt her magic bubbling beneath her skin, her instincts telling her to seek the Dark Lord herself and bring him to his knees but she pushed away such a foolish thought.

In want for something to do with her magic she pulled her wand from her pocket and, with a flourish, six tittering birds surrounded her. She gave in once more to her tears and only roused herself when she heard footsteps coming towards her, looking up to see Harry approaching with his face set in a confused frown as he regarded the birds.

“Charms spell,” said Hermione, “I’m just practicing.”

“Well they’re very good,” said Harry sitting down beside her, “Do I even need to ask what’s wrong?”

Hermione shook her head, “It’s just so hard and I miss him so much,” she said, “There’s so much distance and when I think we’ll have time something drags him away and he’s so confused. I want to be Ron and Lavender. I want to be what Sev and I were last year. Open and free. I want to hold his hand in the corridors and see you all try not to laugh when we mention Potions homework and instead…”

She quieted as she heard giggling come from the stairway behind them, curling her arm tighter around Harry’s as Ron and Lavender tumbled over one another into the room. 

“Oh sorry,” said Lavender, a little too brightly, “I guess this room’s taken. Nice to see you’re getting over Snape, Hermione.”

Hermione’s blood roared in her veins as she saw the girl’s pointed look at her grip on Harry’s arm. She got to her feet and glared at the pair, Ron at least having the sense to started wheeling Lavender to the door before Hermione spoke.

“Oppugno!” she said, the birds ceasing their random flight and instead aiming for the couple.

Ron look on in dumb shock as he got Lavender through the door, the birds barely missing him as they slammed into the wood, leaving nothing but patches of feathers where they had impacted. He looked set to speak but thought better of it, heading after Lavender as Hermione gave in once more to her tears, sitting back down next to Harry and taking hold of his arm.

“I’m so sorry Hermione,” he said, “I wish this had never happened. If I could change Sev back, I would. I miss him like hell and I can imagine how you feel. Can you go to him tonight? I’ll cover for you if anyone asks questions.”

“He’s expecting me,” said Hermione, “Hopefully nothing has called him away again.”

“Then go now,” said Harry, “Be with him and forget about the rest of us.”

“Thank you Harry,” she said, pressing a kiss to her cheek before she got to her feet, “You should take your own advice too. Don’t think I don’t see how you look at Ginny. Life’s too short; you never know when your happiness is going to be snatched away. Just talk to her.”

Harry smiled, “Not yet,” he said, “She’s just broken up with Dean but I will, I promise. Now to go to Sev and tell the old bastard I want some of his time at some point this week. Tell him I miss my best mate.”

“I will,” said Hermione, as she headed back towards the common room. 

The party was still in full swing when she arrived and no one paid her any mind when she slipped into her own room, locking the door firmly behind her. She hastily changed out of the t-shirt she had worn to the game, opting instead for a warm jumper and jeans to keep out the chill of the dungeons. She extinguished the flames in the grate and stepped inside, throwing down the floo powder and biting back a scream as she rushed through the darkness. 

She hit Severus’ fireplace with a thump, rolling out onto the hearthrug with a splutter and a curse. She heard the soft chuckle to her right and looked up to see him setting aside his spectacles and his book before he got to his feet, offering her a hand to help her up.

“One day you’re going to get used to floo travel,” said Severus, a wordless spell removing all traces of soot from her, “I wasn’t expecting you until after dinner but it’s wonderful to see you now.”

Hermione raised her face to his, seeing his smile melt to a look of concern as he took in her red rimmed eyes.

“I needed you,” she said, “I needed you Sev.”

“Darling what’s wrong?” he said, his large hands cupping her cheeks as his thumb caught an errant teardrop that spilled from her eye.

“I miss you,” said Hermione, seeing the understanding on his face but she continued all the same, “I miss my beautiful boy in keeper’s robes. I miss my homework partner. I miss the best friend I ever had who conjured the universe on the canopy above his bed just to make me smile. I miss the boy everyone knew I loved. I miss you Severus.”

He said nothing but his arms soon came around her, cradling her to his chest as he pressed a kiss to her wild hair. Hermione wasn’t sure how long they stood in the silence of his small living room, nothing but the crackle of the reinstated fire in the grate breaking the atmosphere. Hermione felt some of the tension leave her, the familiar scent and feel of him comforting her and chasing away the thoughts that had brought her to such upset.

“I’m sorry,” she said finally, “I know nothing could have prevented what happened but things just got on top of me today.”

“I imagine there were a few memories brought to mind,” said Severus, moving back just enough to meet her gaze, “Have you eaten this evening? I can ask the elves to bring something.”

“That would be nice,” said Hermione, “There was party food in the common room but it didn’t really take my fancy.”

“Any requests then?” said Severus, “I’m a teacher don’t forget, I can ask for whatever I like.”

“Something simple,” said Hermione, “And tea would be wonderful.”

Severus smiled, “You should know by now, Miss Granger, that I am never far from a pot of tea,” he said, “Go wait in the bedroom a moment whilst I arrange things. I doubt the elves would tell anyone of your presence here but best not take the risk.”

Hermione raised herself on her toes and kissed him softly before she headed to the bedroom, closing the door behind her and climbing up onto the mattress as she waited for him to call for her. She heard the low rumble of his voice behind the door and smiled despite the upset of earlier, taking comfort in the familiarity of his rooms and the fact that nothing had come between them meeting for once. 

The door opened and she smiled as Severus stepped inside, pulling it to so they could not be seen from the other side.

“The elf will be back with supper soon,” he said, perching beside her on the bed, “Are you feeling better?”

Hermione nodded, “Yes I am,” she said, “It was just the weight of all the memories and lack of sleep. I’m fine now but I was hoping…”

Severus smiled, tapping a long finger to the end of her nose, “You may stay the night if you wish,” he said, “But normal rules apply. I imagine with all the hubbub in the common room, no one will notice you’re missing.”

“Harry will cover for me anyway,” said Hermione, “I’m glad he knows. I have someone to confide in.”

“I’m glad too,” said Severus, “I hear the match was good.”

“It was ok,” replied Hermione, “You know Quidditch doesn’t hold much interest for me unless you’re playing.”

“Scratch the idea of taking you to see the Tutshill Tornadoes whenever we can next be seen in public together then,” said Severus, “I shall have to think of better ways to impress you.”

Hermione giggled, “You don’t need to impress me Severus. Which reminds me…” she said, reaching beneath the collar of her robe and unfastening her necklace, retrieving the ring and setting it in place on her finger, “See, you already have a ring on my finger?”

Severus raised her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss just above the setting of the ring, “Even so,” he said, “Our courtship has been confined to the school yard, so to speak, and then to secrecy. If this is ever over and I survive it, I want the chance to do this properly. I want to give you everything that I can Hermione.”

“All I want is your love and your company,” said Hermione, hearing the crack of apparition as the elf returned in the room beyond, “And supper, and it appears all three should be shortly fulfilled.”

“Let me go and see if the coast is clear,” said Severus as he got to his feet, heading back into the room and speaking quietly to the elf before he called back through the door, “Just you and me again, my love.”

Hermione smiled, heading back into the small living room and feeling her stomach give a lurch as she smelled the wonderful aroma coming from the stew pot on the table. She watched as Severus reached into a small cupboard, retrieving plates and cutlery for them both that she had no doubt he would wash himself to ensure no one suspected he had had company. 

As they ate, sat side by side on the small sofa, they spoke of her studies and the lessons he had arranged to teach her in private since discovering that Dumbledore was unable to commit to any decent amount of time to assist her. The subjects were safe and familiar to them and Hermione was glad of it, too many memories of the night before in her mind still. The sight of him in bloody robes not easily erased from her memory.

When their meal had been eaten and the dishes magically cleared, she found herself not abandoned to a lonely chair with a book, as she had often been when he had been trying to keep her at arms length. Instead, she watched him shuck off the heavy black frock coat, leaving him in his high-collared white shirt before he sat back down on the sofa, opening his arms to her in a welcoming embrace. She happily snuggled up beside him, her head pillowed on his chest as she dragged a threadbare blanket over her legs. 

His fingers carded gently through her hair in the silence, his lips occasionally brushing her brow but he never uttered a word and she soon lost herself in her own thoughts and the crackle of the fire. Her name therefore startled her when he finally spoke but she recovered quickly, pressing her ear a little more against his chest to hear the beat of his heart.

“Mione,” he said quietly once she had settled once more, “Do you have any plans for the holidays?”

“Not particularly,” she said, her hand tracing nonsense symbols on his shirt, “I haven’t decided whether to stay here and study or go back to Mum and Dad’s. I guess, I was sort of waiting on you.”

“You’re seventeen,” he said, “The age of legal responsibility in our world at least. Which means, technically, you could go anywhere. Would you consider coming away with me? I’ll need to make arrangements and speak to Albus but it could be done. It would give us a chance to see if this could work outside of the constraints of the school.”

Hermione sat up so she could meet his eyes, her fingers brushing away several errant black strands from his forehead, “While I think it’s unnecessary to prove whether we can work outside the castle,” she said with a smile, “I would love to go away with you. If it means I get you to myself for the entire holiday, I would happily live in a shoebox underneath London Bridge.”

“Well I think I can do a little better than that,” said Severus, before his face grew serious, “I’m not making any promises, there are too many variables but if it’s possible will you trust me to arrange something?”

Hermione nodded, unable to keep the excited smile from her face, “Completely. Surprise me,” she said, pressing a kiss to his cheek, “I promise not to be disappointed if it can’t happen though. If we can’t leave, could we both stay here?”

“If you want to,” he replied, “I’ll be staying here if we can’t leave. I have no desire to spend the holidays alone at Spinner’s End. We would have to be careful if we remained here though, our mutual absence would be more easily noted.”

“Then let’s do all we can to get away,” said Hermione, “I want to be able to wake up with you in the morning, spend the whole day in your company and then go to bed with you at night without a single person watching or waiting on us. It would be the best Christmas present ever.”

Severus returned to stroking her hair, coaxing her to lie against him once more, “Speaking of Christmas, I hear from the rumour mill which is more commonly referred to as the staff room that you made the Slug Club and have been invited to attend the famed Christmas party.”

“Ugh!” groaned Hermione, “I really don’t want to go but it’s expected. Bloody McLaggen has been telling everyone who will listen that I’m going with him too. Please tell me that isn’t going round the staff room too.”

“No, thankfully, or there may have been some unfortunate accidents befalling any colleague of mine that uttered it,” said Severus, his grip around her tightening slightly, “Is Mr McLaggen bothering you?”

Hermione smirked, pressing a kiss to his chest, “He bothers me in the sense he believes himself irresistible to me but he isn’t brave enough to make a move,” she said, “Don’t get jealous sweetheart.”

“Were you not almost daily in my arms I could be jealous,” said Severus, “But his attraction to you could be of use to us.”

“How so?” said Hermione.

“People will soon start to get suspicious about your absences, even with Harry to cover things up and more than once I’ve caught you smiling to yourself when I’m speaking in lessons,” said Severus, “We cannot arouse suspicion for the fact alone that I will not have you a target for the Dark Lord. Right now, he truly believes you were a plaything to me but any hint of anything else and he will seek you. Ask McLaggen to the party with Slughorn. A public appearance like that will send the gossip mongers through the roof meanwhile you and I slip away from here the day after without anyone wondering why the Dark Arts Professor and brightest student in the school are absent from proceedings.”

“That, Professor Snape, sounds like a rather fine plan,” said Hermione, raising herself up once more, “The only flaw being that I will need to keep McLaggen’s wondering hands at bay for the duration of the evening.”

Severus smiled, “Horace has asked me to chaperone and far be it for the meanest teacher in the school to allow any young couple to enjoy a tryst beneath the mistletoe on my watch.”

“You really are rather brilliant my darling,” said Hermione, “Ten points to Gryffindor.”

“Well if you insist,” said Severus with a wave of his hand.

Hermione’s eyebrows shot to her hairline as she giggled, “Are you serious?” her laughter only increasing as he gave her a look that said far more than words could, “You’re dreadful Severus.”

“Made you smile,” he said, “I get to do that so rarely these days.”

“Won’t you get in trouble with Dumbledore?”

“For giving Gryffindor points? Not a chance, even if he wasn’t trying to keep me onside he wouldn’t protest.”

Hermione pillowed her head against his chest once more, letting the comfortable silence surround them again as her thoughts turned to dreams of quitting the school for even the briefest time together. She felt his lips on her forehead once more, the touch a comfort to them both but it was his words that brought the smile to her face.

“I love you, Hermione,” he said softly.

“I love you too,” she said, knowing they were the last words they would need for the evening as they allowed the peace of his rooms to envelope them both.

xxxx

“You’re cheating, I know it.”

“How am I bloody cheating? You can see the board and the move was legal.”

“You’re using magic to confund me.”

“If I was using magic to confund you I would have won this match ages ago. You’re a complete bloody not right Harry James Potter.”

Hermione rolled her eyes, turning her attention back to the Charms spell she was working on as Severus and Harry continued to argue playfully over the chessboard. It had been several weeks since Harry had found out about Severus’ true loyalties and he had soon requested to join Hermione now and then on her visits to the dungeons. At first she had wanted to resist, her time with Severus so brief that she did not want to share it but she could not deny them for long, knowing Severus longed to spend time with his friend as much as Harry did. 

They had swiftly found a cover by choosing to partner one another in most classes. Easily done once Ron had chosen to spend his time with Lavender, and so little was said when Harry disappeared into Hermione’s room under the pretence of homework. They had heard the rumours that something was going on between them, of course, but Hermione’s public display of asking Cormac to Slughorn’s Christmas party had given the rumour mill far more to concern themselves with and she and Harry had been left alone.

At first, she had resented sharing Severus’ time but Harry’s visits were always brief and Severus seemed less inclined to send her away at the end of the night so she rarely slept alone, save for when he was called away to Voldemort which had been blessedly infrequent in recent weeks. They favoured the dungeons but would sometimes venture to her room in Gryffindor Tower, the comforting familiarity of the space a comfort to Severus and, on several occasions he had had her weave a disillusionment charm over him in the middle of the night so he could step out into the familiar surrounds without the risk of being seen by any Gryffindors who were out of their beds at such a late hour. The charm however, seemed to have little effect on cats and, once or twice, Hermione had watched from the door as Reglisse seemed to hover a little above the chair she was sat upon, her fur moving as if of its own accord when in reality her former master was gently stroking her in the silent room.

“Check mate! Ha!” came Harry’s crow, breaking Hermione from her thoughts, “Couldn’t jinx your way out of that one could you? That’ll teach you to make moony eyes at Hermione when you should be watching the board.”

“Were you making moony eyes at me sweetheart?” said Hermione, setting aside her books to see Severus sat back in his chair, a far more relaxed expression on his face than she had been used to of late.

“Am I ever not?” he replied, “My young friend here seeks to take advantage of that though.”

“Just bring down a picture of Ginny and I’m sure you’ll turn the tables,” said Hermione.

“Hey!” said Harry, “You promised to keep that secret.”

“It’s hardly a secret when I’ve been aware of your feelings for the girl since last year Harry,” said Severus, “Why you don’t go ahead and ask her out is beyond me. She is very fond of you.”

Harry rolled his eyes, “I am not getting into this now,” he said, “And I need to get back. It’s nearly ten and people will start to wonder where I am. Are you coming up Hermione?”

She looked over to Severus who shook his head and she smiled, “Not tonight,” she said, “But I’ll meet you in the common room before breakfast tomorrow. Be sure to use the charm when you leave my room so people hear me calling out goodnight.”

“Will do,” said Harry, getting to his feet, “Night Sev, unless you want to break out the invisibility cloak and go wind up Filch with the ghost of Salazar.”

Severus laughed, “Tempting as that is, we barely fit under that thing when I was sixteen, let alone now,” he said, “Come see me again soon though ok, definitely before Christmas.”

“I will,” said Harry, heading to the fireplace and picking up a handful of floo powder, “Have a nice night you two.”

Hermione giggled as the boy threw down the powder and gave the direction to her room, knowing he would ensure her absence went unnoticed once he had returned, “You do realise what he thinks we’re up to down here, don’t you?” she said as Severus waved his wand, the chess set tidying itself away and returning to the cupboard.

“And if we assured him otherwise, he’d still think the same thing,” said Severus, “I’m just grateful I get to be close to you, even if our lives are still too uncertain for anything more.”

“They won’t always be,” said Hermione.

“Well we have at least two weeks of freedom,” said Severus, crossing the room to her side, “I didn’t want to say anything in front of Harry but I finalised the details with Dumbledore today. The day after terms ends, you and I are going away for the holidays. Just the two of us. The arrangements I’ve made with Dumbledore mean that I will be able to keep the Dark Lord off my back as well. I’ll be all yours for two whole weeks.”

Hermione smiled widely, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly, “Oh Sev that’s wonderful,” she said, “Where are we going? How are we getting there? Should I tell everyone I’m going home or staying here?”

“Leave the details to me and our destination is a surprise,” said Severus, “All I will instruct you to pack are warm muggle clothes, with maybe one or two evening pieces. Everything else, I will sort out.”

“I do love a surprise,” said Hermione, “You’re a wonderful man, have I told you that?”

“Frequently, though I doubt I shall tire of it,” said Severus, “Now, the question of the hour is are you tired or are you in mind to learn something a little more advanced than NEWT level?”

Hermione’s eyes flashed in want of knowledge, “Which subject?”

“Potions…combined with a little Dark Arts I suppose,” said Severus, “I think it’s about time I taught you how to make Wolfsbane.”

Hermione was at the door to his laboratory before he had even finished speaking and with a chuckle, he followed her, pressing a kiss to her flyaway curls before they headed into the room beyond.


	7. Unbreakable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione attends the Christmas Slug Party but a conversation with Harry afterwards leads her to make decisions that will alter her future entirely.

Hermione held the dusky pink dress up in front of her, looking in the floor length mirror before she turned to the man half reclined on her bed, a book in his hands but his attention far from the pages.

“I just can’t decide and I’m starting to annoy myself. Pink?” she said, before she moved the pink dress away and held a red dress over herself, “Or red? Which do you prefer?”

“I prefer the distinct lack of dress I’ve been getting glimpses of in between,” said Severus, one dark eyebrow cocked in an arch look, “But for the sake of decency and for the fact you will be on another man’s arm. I’d say the pink. The red’s my favourite but I want you to wear that for me, not McLaggen.”

“Pink it is,” said Hermione, letting go of the red dress and letting it float back onto its hanger with a wordless charm, “Should I bring the red one on holiday with us?”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” said Severus, as he watched her pull the soft, pink dress over her head. 

He got to his feet, stopping her from reaching for the zipper of her dress as he took it in his own hands.

“You look exquisite my darling,” he said, drawing the zip up to the top of the dress before he rested his hands on her shoulders, catching her gaze in the mirror before them, “It will be all I can do to keep my hands and my eyes off you all night.”

“Knowing you’re in the same room is going to be torture,” said Hermione, smiling at their shared reflection, “But from tomorrow I get to have you all to myself for two whole weeks so I think I can bear it.”

“You may be clamouring for Hogwarts after a few days with only my miserable old face for company,” said Severus, reaching over to her dresser and picking up the necklace she had laid out there, sweeping her hair aside as he fastened it around her neck.

“Seeing your face everyday is the thing I am looking forward to the most,” said Hermione, a sigh escaping her as he pressed a kiss to her neck.

She reached up, threading her fingers into his long, black hair and encouraging his touch. He didn’t take much persuasion, his hands gripping her waist as worried the rise of her collarbone, leaving Hermione wishing he would be rougher but knowing that he would not risk leaving a mark even if they could easily cover it with magic. 

“Are you going to give me a single clue about tomorrow?” she said, feeling him chuckle against the soft skin of her throat.

“You’ll receive your instructions in the morning,” he said, “Just pack warm muggle clothes and anything else you want to bring. I’m handling the rest.”

Hermione glanced over to her bed where a distinctly muggle looking flight case sat, placed there by Severus when he had arrived in her rooms that afternoon, “Doubt I’ll fit all my books in there,” she said, “But I’ll have to bring some notes at least, my NEWTs aren’t far off.”

“You can bring all your books and your clothes,” said Severus, “You could probably fit your entire class in there too if you wanted.”

Hermione turned, her lips turning up in an amused smile as she picked up the empty necklace box from her dresser and headed to the bed. She unzipped the case and then dropped the box into it, her smile widening as she failed to hear the box hit the bottom. She peered in, seeing the basic nylon lining and zipper that was common in the make of the case, but the box was nowhere to be seen. 

“You’ve charmed it?” she said, reaching her hand inside and almost toppling as her arm slipped into the invisible void, “How far does this thing go down?”

“I’ve not measured it,” said Severus, “But you could fit every book in your collection and mine and it wouldn’t be full and, more importantly, it won’t weigh a thing. Invisible extension charm. Try accio to get the box back.”

“Accio necklace box,” said Hermione, her hand closing around it as it flew into her grip, “It’s ingenious Severus.”

“And now you can take whatever you like away with us,” he said, “Added bonus is nothing innocuous will show up at the muggle security checks either.”

“Security checks?” she said, turning and looping her arms around his neck, “So we’re flying somewhere muggle style?”

“Safer than using wizarding means when we want to be undetected,” said Severus, resting his forehead against hers, “But I’m telling you no more. I need to go, Slughorn will be expecting us both fairly shortly and it would be prudent for me to arrive well in advance of you and Mr McLaggen.”

“Can I come down after the party?” said Hermione, “I’ve got used to sleeping next to you and I don’t want to be without you unless I have to.”

“I’ll send sparks through the fireplace when I’m back in the dungeons,” said Severus, pressing a kiss to her lips, “I will no doubt have to round up one or two strays before I can retire. Don’t wait up for me if I’m late though. You need to be up early to catch the train.”

Hermione frowned, “I thought we were flying?”

“All will be revealed in the morning,” said Severus, kissing her once more, “Now I must go, I have to see Dumbledore before I head to the party and if I don’t leave you will need to fix your make up again. Know I will be loving you from afar all night my dearest girl.”

“As I will be loving you,” said Hermione as he stepped from her arms, “See you after the party…properly that is.”

“Try to enjoy the evening,” said Severus, “If I know Slughorn, there will be several eminent wizards there and a bit of networking won’t hurt you. You could be so much more than a teacher Hermione; I know your heart isn’t truly in it.”

“Severus?” said Hermione, hearing the sadness in his tone.

“I’ll see you later,” he said, the fireplace taking him from her before she could question him further.

She wrapped her arms around herself, the room feeling too big and too empty without him in it. She knew she had a while before she intended to meet Cormac to go down to the party and she had no wish to spend any unnecessary time with him. She looked over at the case Severus had brought for her, smiling at the elegant enchantments he had placed upon it. With a flick of her wand, she set her room to packing itself, clothes floating from the closet and books from the shelves, piling into the case but not once did it over fill. 

She looked longingly at the fireplace, tempted to floo to him and beg him to start their trip a day early, Hogwarts no longer the sanctuary or home she had once known it to be when it kept her so apart from the person she loved. He had been insistent on timings and planning their trip though, keen to keep them as safe and undetected as possible, so she knew he would not be keen on changing any of the plans. 

She tried for half an hour or so to read but even her books could not hold her attention as she teetered between excitement for her trip and trepidation for the evening. At a loss for anything else to do, she steeled herself for the evening and left her room, the common room outside crowded with students enjoying the weekend whilst several were dressed for Slughorn’s party. She pasted a smile on her face as she caught Cormac’s eye, the boy thoroughly handsome in his dress robes but their effect was lost on Hermione. 

“You look gorgeous,” he said, the toss of his hair enough to let her know that he expected her to return the compliment.

“Thank you,” she said, taking his offered arm, “Is Harry not around? I thought we would go down with him.”

“Headed off to Ravenclaw Tower to pick up his date,” said Cormac, “Gives you and me a chance to get to know one another a bit, hey Granger?”

Hermione flinched but covered it as she tugged him towards the door, remembering when the sound of her surname being used was comforting before Severus had taken to calling her by her first name. The way Cormac said it though left her cold. She could feel people staring at her as they left through the portrait, the looks only increasing as they headed into the corridors beyond, the hour still early enough that the other students were up and loitering. 

She knew if her hearing were better she would hear the whisperings too, the Death Eater’s whore now on the arm of the best-looking boy in Gryffindor. She held her head high, refusing to let the opinions of others weigh her down. She longed for her engagement ring, the talisman usually a familiar weight around her neck, but the dress had not allowed her to wear it and she missed it as she missed the boy who should have been at her side. 

She heard Cormac speaking, grateful that his self-indulgence meant that she wasn’t required to answer him other than the occasional nod or smile. She was grateful when she saw the festive lights that led to Slughorn’s office, quickening their pace in the hope of being around people once again. They caught up with several couples near to the doorway and Hermione smiled at those not in Slytherin and remained impassive to those who were. 

Finally, they made their way into the grand office, every surface festooned with decorations and every table laden with food and drink. She clocked several important faces from the Ministry but they did not hold her attention as she felt eyes fall onto her, their gaze a familiar sensation and a comforting one. She turned as subtly as she could, keeping her face impassive as she caught Severus’ gaze. His expression was equally inscrutable but she knew him too well, saw the light in his eyes that only someone who could read him as well as she could would notice. 

She allowed herself a brief fantasy, imagining herself walking over to him and taking hold of the folds of his teaching robes. She imagined the gasps that would echo through the room as she kissed him, the cries as she took his hand and dragged him from the room, neither of them caring for the stares or the comments or the opinions of anyone else. 

The dream lasted mere moments as someone moved between them, breaking the contact and, when she could see where he stood once more, his figure was absent. Cormac took hold of her arm, breaking her concentration entirely as he proceeded to introduce her to several people he knew through his father. She smiled and spoke in all the right places but her mind was elsewhere. Her situation was brought back into sharp focus though as she felt Cormac’s hand move from her arm to her waist, his fingers skating over the material of her dress. 

She looked around frantically for an escape route, not wanting to make a scene but desperate to get away. She thanked providence as she saw Harry enter the room, Luna on his arm, and she used the excuse of greeting him to extricate herself from Cormac’s grip. Her date, however, saw fit to follow her. She saw Harry’s expression, seeing his eyes dart briefly over her shoulder and she had no need to turn to know that he had clocked Severus in the room.

As he had done at their first party at Slughorn’s, Harry tried to distract Cormac with talk of Quidditch and Hermione was glad of the respite. She moved away from Cormac as best she could, happy to have Luna to speak to over the Ministry officials and other students who looked on her with suspicion or pity. 

“How are you getting on with your classes Luna?” she asked, “We barely have any together any more.”

“I’m doing well,” said the blonde girl, her hand’s absently playing with the glittered hem of her dress, “And you… after everything?”

Hermione smiled, “I’m doing ok,” she said, “Though with my NEWTs happening this year rather than next means I’m really busy. I’m sorry if I’ve been neglecting my friends for it.”

“It’s ok,” said Luna, with a soft smile, “It’s understandable that you want some time on your own. You still love him.”

“Wh…what?” said Hermione, forcing confusion to her face to mask the shock, “What do you mean?”

Luna’s smile didn’t falter, “Severus,” she said, “You still love the boy he was and that’s ok.”

“I…” Hermione stuttered, relief flooding her as Slughorn swept over to them.

“Harry!” he all but roared in sycophantic joy, “And Miss Granger, Mr McLaggen. Miss Moonchild.”

“Lovegood,” corrected Hermione, “Good Evening Professor.”

“Harry, my boy, there are several people I want to introduce you to,” said Slughorn, “They’re keen to meet my best potions student and what a fortunate turn of events that you have brought Miss Granger along as your date for the evening.”

“Actually sir, I brought Luna with me,” said Harry.

“Ah, well, yes,” bumbled Slughorn, “Miss…err…Lovegood? You’re welcome to come along of course.”

“Thank you sir,” said Luna, though her brightness seemed a little dulled.

Slughorn soon manoeuvred her and Harry away, leaving Hermione alone with the choice between Cormac or a room full of people she didn’t want to spend time with. She risked a glance to where both Luna and Harry had been looking, catching Severus’ eye and seeing the concern there. She risked allowing the corners of her mouth to lift in the briefest smile to reassure him before she turned back to her date for the evening.

“So Cormac, have you seen the latest developments in advanced healing potions?” she asked, seeing the frown that came to his face at her question, “It really is a fascinating field. Professor Slughorn kindly leant me some journals, you see I’m planning on apprenticing under his tutelage…”

She kept talking, barely pausing in the hope he would not choose to interrupt her. He walked her around the room as she did so and Hermione relaxed slightly, hoping that she would be able to extricate herself from his company after spending a polite amount of time with him. She wished she had kept her wits about her a little more though as Cormac pulled her to a stop. She kept talking as he let go of her arm and turned to face her but she quieted as he reached up, taking a curl of her hair between his fingers.

“About time you stopped talking, don’t you think Granger?” he said, cocking an eyebrow skywards with a grin, “Perhaps you can find something else to do with your mouth?”

Hermione let her gaze drift up, horror dawning on her as she realised they were stood beneath a large sprig of mistletoe. She returned her attention to Cormac but before she could say a word, he had taken hold of her waist and drawn her towards him. Not caring if she created any kind of scene any longer, she held a hand up between them, his lips meeting her palm rather than their intended target.

“Sorry Cormac,” she said, a little too loudly, “Nature calls. Drank too much of the punch. I’ll catch you up in a little while.”

She didn’t wait for him to answer, pulling herself from his grip with little care for the glances being sent her way by several of the guests, before she headed to the door. She was halfway there before she realised the corridors would be growing more and more deserted and she had no wish to give Cormac a chance to catch her alone. For want of another, more substantial hiding place she headed towards the window, throwing aside the gauzy curtain and pressing her back against the stone surround. 

She ran her hands over her dress, checking that all was as it should be but also in an effort to remove all memory of the feel of his hands on her. She all but willed the curtain to move aside and for Severus to come to her in the dark, secluded space she had found. She thought of returning outside, seeking him out enough to somehow let him know she was leaving before heading to his rooms to await him but she knew he would not be able to join her. Their mutual departure, especially when he had agreed to chaperone the event, too much of a risk to lead to their discovery.

She startled as the curtain suddenly swept aside, her mind torn between the worry that Cormac had followed her or that Severus had seen her and had forgotten himself in an attempt to find and comfort her. Neither proved reality though, her heart settling as Harry appeared behind the curtain.

“Hermione?” he said, letting the curtains fall shut, “What are you doing? And what happened to you?”

Hermione ran her hands over herself once more, checking that nothing had been put amiss by Cormac’s hands, “I’ve just escaped,” she said, “I left Cormac under the mistletoe.”

“Mistletoe?” said Harry, “Are you mad? When you said you were bringing him to keep up appearances I thought you were loopy but Sev…you know who is here and the last thing you need is him getting jealous and breaking your cover.”

“It wasn’t intentional,” she hissed, “It’s not my fault that boy has more tentacles than a snargaluff plant. Oh I hope he didn’t see anything, he told me to invite Cormac but I don’t want him to have cause to worry, he’s got enough to deal with.”

“I doubt you’ll have avoided him seeing it,” said Harry, “He hasn’t taken his eyes off you all night. Luckily, I don’t think anyone else has noticed. You two need to be careful though. If you’re caught…”

“I know,” said Hermione before she gave a huff of frustration, “I know but it’s so hard Harry. He should be here with us, not stalking the edge of the room playing chaperone. He…”

She fell silent as the curtain swept aside once more, this time admitting one of the seventh year Hufflepuffs bearing a tray.

“Dragon tartar?” he offered, the words alone turning Hermione’s already unsettled stomach.

“Oh, no thank you,” she said, keeping her eyes on the room beyond.

“Just as well,” he said cheerfully, “They give one horribly bad breath.”

Hermione reached out and snatched the tray from him, “Well in that case,” she said, as the boy disappeared and she caught Harry’s quizzical look, “Might keep Cormac at bay.”

She raised one of the disgusting looking balls to her lips but before she could take a bite, she saw the unwelcome figure of Cormac crossing the room to her hiding place. 

“Oh God, here he comes,” she said, shoving the tray into Harry’s hands before she ducked down, escaping the curtain just as Cormac stepped in on Harry’s opposite side. 

She crossed to a group of people as quickly as she could but risked a glance back to see if the boy was following. She pulled her attention to what was before her though as she crashed into someone, the apology she was about to offer dying on her lips as her gaze was filled with a fine black woollen jacket and a familiar row of black pearl buttons. Her breath caught in her throat as she raised her head, meeting the beloved dark eyes of her fiancé but his face was set in a stern frown, the grip on her arm as he kept her on her feet tight enough to bring her to her senses.

“Watch where you’re going, you clumsy girl,” he said, his voice a little louder than necessary, “I would think, Miss Granger, you would find it prudent to keep your wits about you. Ten points from Gryffindor.”

He all but threw her away from him but she kept her feet, her face quickly set into a familiar mask of upset that had Neville setting aside the tray of drinks he was carrying to get to her. 

“Hermione, are you alright?” he said, “Did he hurt you?”

Hermione offered him a watery smile, the tears in her eyes growing genuine as the damage both she and Severus had done to his reputation made itself apparent once more, “Not in a room full of people,” she said, “He wouldn’t dare. I’m fine Neville but thank you. I think I just need some air. Someone probably spiked the punch or something, I feel a little light headed. I’m going to say a few goodnights and go back to the common room.”

“Are you sure?” said the boy, “Do you want me to walk you?”

“No, thank you,” she said, trying to keep the smile from her face as she noticed that Severus had found Cormac’s hiding place and was hectoring him, “I’ll be fine. You enjoy the evening.”

“Goodnight then,” said Neville, “Have a good Christmas.”

“I’m sure I will,” said Hermione, her attention once more moving to where Severus stood, the man now speaking to Harry though the conversation looked strained, whatever Severus had to impart to the boy being done so under the guise of necessity rather than friendship.

She headed for the door, hoping her absence wouldn’t worry Severus too much but knowing that, if she stayed, she was risking either one or both of them revealing their secret. She barely missed Filch marching Draco towards the rooms she had left but she gave little thought to his presence, used to see him loitering around any high profile events. She hurried through the corridors, taking the shortest route she could in the hope of avoiding people and reaching the sanctuary of her room before anyone could catch up with her. 

She only relaxed as she reached the Gryffindor common room, glad that most of her friends were otherwise engaged and allowing her to pass, unhindered, to her room. She locked the door behind her, throwing on a warding charm for good measure and sank down on her bed with a sigh. The case she had set to packing itself now sat quiet and zipped up beside her, ready for her trip away from the walls of the school that seemed to be almost closing in around her as the lies she was forced to live by grew more and more twisted. 

She pushed away all the melancholy thoughts, getting to her feet and heading to the bathroom with a plan to wash away the evening and the memory of Cormac’s unwanted touch. She emerged after a longer period of indulgence than she would normally allow herself, wrapped in a soft robe and her feet in a pair of lumpy woollen slippers that Molly Weasley had sent her for her birthday. They were ugly but comfortable and she needed comfort at least until Severus sent for her. 

She let her eyes move to the fireplace but there were no sparks yet to call her to him, the hour still too early to have released him from the party and his duties as a chaperone. She turned her attention to the few books she had left out from her bags, losing herself in the pages for a short while but a passage about the hero of the novel beginning a journey had her thinking of her own. She smiled as she let herself imagine the trip they were due to take, wandering where Severus was taking her and imagining the freedoms they would have when they got there. 

She frowned as she heard a knock on the door, reaching for her wand as she crossed to open it. She had expected Cormac and the shock must have shown on her face as Harry gave her a small smile.

“Are you going to hex me?” he said, holding his hands up in surrender.

“Thought you were Cormac,” she said, “Is that party over?”

Harry shook his head, “No but I made good my escape after Luna wondered off to places unknown,” he said, “I…Can I come in? I need to talk to you.”

“Sure,” she said, stepping back as she heard the slight catch in his voice, “Come on in.”

Harry stepped over the threshold, letting the door fall shut behind him as he looked around the room, “Is Severus here?”

Hermione shook her head with a laugh, “So you’re not really here to see me then,” she said, “You boys, can’t spend a moment apart.”

“Actually,” said Harry, leaning back against the door, “I wanted to talk to you about him. About something I saw tonight.”

Hermione rubbed her forehead with a sigh, “Harry, if this is about him being a bit heavy handed at the party, I’m not hurt and there wasn’t much else he could have done. I crashed into him and he couldn’t exactly kiss me on the forehead and send me on my way now could he?”

“This isn’t about that,” said Harry, “It’s about something I saw after you left. Something involving Malfoy.”

“I saw Filch taking Malfoy into the party as I left,” said Hermione, “But what has that got to do with Severus?”

“He took him out again,” said Harry, “And I followed. I heard their conversation.”

“So you were eavesdropping?” said Hermione, folding her arms over her chest, “On the former head of Slytherin, now undercover Death Eater and the offspring of one of Voldemort’s loyal followers. Harry you do realise everything Severus said to Malfoy is probably just whatever cover story he’s working with to convince them of his loyalty?”

“He was talking about knowing what Draco had to do,” said Harry, “He knows whatever Draco is planning and he’s helping him. He said something about an unbreakable vow. It just didn’t seem right.”

“Harry…” groaned Hermione, “He…”

“How do you know?” said Harry, “How do you know it’s not us he’s playing? Are you certain you can trust him?”

“With my life,” said Hermione without pause, “And everyone else’s. Harry, please, just trust in Severus. He is your friend and right now he is the best hope we have of knowing what Voldemort’s next move is. He is playing a dangerous game but I know, with my whole heart, that he is doing it for us. Come on, this is your best friend we’re talking about. Our Severus. Grumpy, smart mouthed, ace keeper and dragon poo flinging Severus. You shared a dorm room with him for a year. We fought beside him at the Department of Mysteries. He almost died for us in Temple Church when Lucius Malfoy…when he…”

Harry held a hand up, cutting off her words before any tears could fall, “I know and deep in my heart I trust him but I need to know what he’s helping Malfoy with,” he said, “I need to know.”

“He tells us what he can,” said Hermione.

“But could you ask him? I know he has to keep some things to himself but if he could just give us something. I just need something to hold onto. There’s been too many secrets.”

Hermione sighed, “I’ll talk to him,” she said, “But you have to realise that I might not be able to pass what he tells me on to you. I’m privileged to know more than I should because of the deal Severus made with Dumbledore the night he changed back but even I don’t know everything.”

Harry frowned, “And you’re ok with that?”

“For the most part,” said Hermione, “It’s not a path I want to be on but I love him too much to do otherwise and I believe that he is working for the greater good. For his love for me, for you, for the memory of your mother. Just let Severus do what he has to do.”

Harry nodded, “I’ll try,” he said, “And I’m sorry for putting this onto you. Will I see you in the morning or are you leaving from here with Severus?”

“He said something about getting the train so I’m assuming he means the Hogwarts Express but I don’t know,” she said with a small smile, “He’s keeping everything a surprise. It will be nice to be away from here for a while.”

“I’ll say Merry Christmas now then,” said Harry, pulling her into a hug, “Pass it on to Sev too.”

“I will. Merry Christmas to you too,” said Hermione, kissing his cheek before he turned back to the door, stepping out into the common room beyond.

She locked the door behind him, her mind already turning over several thoughts as she settled once more on the bed. She drew her legs up beneath her, hugging her arms around them as she watched the snow drift silently down outside the window. 

Words fought for dominance in her head, each one of them more vexing than the next. Malfoy. Necklace. Dumbledore. Narcissa. Unbreakable Vow. Death Eater.

“Hermione? Hermione, darling are you alright?”

She barely covered a scream as she felt a large, heavy hand come down on her shoulder. She wheeled around, her wand flying to her hand and only managing to stay a hex as she recognised the man behind her.

“Severus,” she said, chucking aside her wand, “Goodness, I nearly hexed you straight to Christmas Day.”

Severus smiled, “I trust I have the wits to defend myself,” he said, “Why didn’t you answer? I’ve been sending sparks through the fireplace for the last twenty minutes. I assumed you were in the bath but when you still didn’t answer I grew worried. McLaggen was…”

Hermione chuckled, “And I trust I have the wits to defend myself against the advances of Cormac McLaggen,” she said, brushing her knuckles against the smooth skin of his cheek, “I’m sorry I worried you. I was lost in thought.”

“Good thoughts I hope,” said Severus, a frown marring his brow as Hermione dropped both her hand and her gaze, “Did something happen that I did not witness tonight?”

Hermione shook her head, “No, it’s nothing about the party,” she said, “Harry came to see me. He had questions about something he saw tonight.”

Severus groaned, “Is this about me having to be a beast when we bumped into one another at the party?” he said, “Surely he realises…”

“It was about you and Draco Malfoy,” said Hermione, cutting him short, “Harry followed you, when you took him out of the party and he heard you talking.”

Severus’ eyes fell shut, his hand turning to a fist where it rested on the cover of the bed, “He should not have seen that,” he said, “What did he hear?”

“You telling Draco that you wanted to assist him and that you had made the unbreakable vow,” said Hermione, “He came to me to ask if he could trust you and I told him he could but I… Severus I know we spoke about what you have to keep from me but this… The thoughts in my head are dark and I need to know if they’re true. Don’t take that as though I do not trust that you act for good but I have to ask and I have to know. Please.”

She waited for him to leave her or begin the same speech he always gave when she asked such things but instead he knelt at her feet, taking her hands in his as he met her gaze. 

“I want to keep this from you,” he said, “But as the days pass it grows harder to do so and I am tired of keeping things from you. It is not the life I want to have with you. You are of age and you a soldier in this war as much as I am. If you want the truth, then I will tell you but it is not a pleasant prospect and I accept any choice you make following it.”

Hermione tightened her grip on his hands, “I think I already know what you have to say. I’ve been fathoming it out while I’ve sat here. You told me you made the unbreakable vow with Narcissa Malfoy and you told Draco as much. You told Draco that you wanted to help him and the only endeavour I suspect him of attempting involves the necklace that cursed Katie. A necklace she was meant to deliver to Dumbledore. A necklace you said was so heavily cursed that she was lucky to be alive,” she said, tears springing to her eyes as Severus nodded, “That necklace was intended to kill and its recipient was Dumbledore. By the look on your face, I know the truth of it all.”

“Not quite all,” said Severus, “Though you are as close as you may be. As a condition of his initiation as a Death Eater, Draco Malfoy, a boy no older than you, has been charged to bring about the death of Albus Dumbledore. The vow I made to his mother states two things, that I will aide Draco in any way I can to achieve this aim and that, should he be incapable of the act, I will see it through.” 

Hermione bit her lip to cease its tremble but the tears broke from her eyes none the less, “Why make such a promise?” she said, “What good can come of it?”

“I made the promise because Dumbledore told me to,” said Severus, a bitter smile on his lips as she gasped, “Oh yes, he is well aware. He’s dying already Hermione. You’ve seen his hand, the injury is the physical manifestation of the sickness within. A sickness caused when he destroyed something of Tom Riddle’s. He has but nine months, at best, left to live and the last few of those will be agony. He knows that Draco has been instructed to kill him but he’s just a boy and not yet beyond saving. He has never taken a life. I have. Therefore, I take on the burden to save his soul. I will kill a man who is already staring at death. There is one more detail to the plan that is even more important. If I kill Dumbledore, if I murder Harry Potter’s mentor in cold blood, for so it shall appear, then I will ascend the ranks of Voldemort’s forces far faster than I otherwise could. I will be as close to the Dark Lord as possible and therefore I will be privy to information otherwise concealed. Information that could help to bring about his defeat.”

Hermione let go of his hands, seeing the dejection on his face as she did so but it changed to surprise as she threaded her fingers into his black hair, leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead.

“Was any of this your choice?” she asked, “Or is this all him?”

“Let’s just say when one is stuck between a rock and a hard place, it’s best to make the choice that will at least benefit others,” said Severus, “I consented to the plan because it was the best course of action I could take to…help Harry. I had to…”

Hermione frowned as she regarded him, one hand leaving his hair to brush away the tear that fell from his eye, “There’s more?” she said, “There’s even more to this. Tell me.”

“I can’t,” he said, “I can’t Hermione, please.”

She brought his head to her shoulder, stroking his hair as she ceased her questions but her mind did not quite, logic and reason wrestling with emotion as she tried to fathom out all that was before her.

“You said Dumbledore was dying after he destroyed something of Tom Riddle’s,” she said after a while, “Which means it was cursed. Dumbledore has asked Harry to get to know Slughorn, to get him to trust him. Slughorn was Tom Riddle’s teacher. He knows something about his past that Dumbledore needs to know and he needs Harry to get that information.”

“How?” said Severus, raising his head, “How are you working all this out? No one…”

“Because I’m me and I read, books and people,” said Hermione, “And when you turned back into this version of you I did a lot of research, abused my privileges for my extra classes and made use of the restricted section. I’ve read as many books on dark magic that I could get my hands on. I wanted to know if there was anything I could do if you came back under the Imperious Curse or if I could heal you if you’d been injured by a spell. When I was researching I came across a passage, it was brief but if I were Voldemort, it would have been tempting to say the least.”

Severus was silent; his eyes cast low and giving nothing away though the lack of denial did enough anyway.

“Horcrux,” said Hermione, feeling him stiffen beneath her hands, “A part of his soul trapped in an object so he can’t die, created when a murder is committed. Any manner of object. I think Harry has already destroyed one, the diary in our second year.”

Severus nodded, “That is what we fear and it’s all but a certainty. The diary and the ring that caused the damage to Dumbledore and he leaves in the next few hours in search of the location of what we believe may be another,” he said, “Until all are accounted for and all destroyed, Voldemort cannot die. It’s why Lily’s death only destroyed him for a brief period of time. With Dumbledore gone, it will fall to Harry to find them and destroy them before he meets his destiny.”

Hermione growled, “I grow to hate that man more and more,” she said, “He expects too much of people. Of you and of Harry. It’s not fair.”

“It’s what it is,” said Severus, “Promise me this all goes no further than this room though. I promised Dumbledore I wouldn’t share it with you but I want as little deceit as possible between us.”

“I promise,” said Hermione, resting her forehead against his, “Thank you for telling me. That wasn’t how I really wanted to start tonight.”

“I know,” he said, “But better it be said now then you fret about asking me whilst we’re away. Are you packed?” 

Hermione nodded, “And ready to go. Do I get anymore clues?”

“I have some things downstairs,” said Severus, “I was a bit more concerned in getting to you and I left them on the side. I’ll go back and get them. It will take me seconds.”

“Change for bed while you’re there,” said Hermione, tracing a finger over the buttons of his coat, “Stay here tonight.”

“If you want me too,” said Severus, kissing her before he got to his feet, “Thank you for understanding my love. I won’t be long.”

“Take your time,” said Hermione, holding onto his hand until distance forced them apart, the slight tremor still in his voice telling her he was far from comforted yet.

She watched him leave, anger rising in her at the hurt he was being forced to endure by a man he had once begun to think of as a father. She realised, bitterly, that the same pattern was now occurring in Harry, the boy beholden and loyal to the headmaster who was sending him off on an impossible mission at best and a path to suicide at worst. She got to her feet, pacing as her thoughts turned over and over in her head, memories assailing her of the night she had watched the boy she loved forced to make a choice between age or Azkaban. 

Before she was even aware of her own actions, she had thrown off her dressing room and slippers, replacing them with her school robes and shoes. She threw open the door, not caring for the remaining heavy eyed Gryffindors as she headed to the portrait entrance. She almost dared Filch or one of the teachers to find her as she cut a path through the halls to Dumbledore’s study. 

She found the staircase already open to her and she gave no pause before she climbed up the winding stairs, anger and hurt fuelling every step until she reached the office above. The old wizard was sat at his desk, the candle light low but enough for him to work by. It did however; throw his wizened and blackened hand, into stark relief but she felt no pity for his fate.

“Professor,” she said, standing as tall as she could, “Might I have a word?”

If the wizard before her felt any surprise at her arrival then he masked it well, getting to his feet and circling the large desk as he moved towards her.

“Miss Granger,” he said, “The hour is quite late for visits do you not think?”

“This couldn’t wait,” she said, “You see sir, I’ve been talking with Severus and I thought it was time that I spoke up because he won’t. Because whatever you hold over him, whatever you use to bind him to your service, means he won’t speak against you. Well I will. You are using Severus abominably and now, it seems, you mean to use Harry too. Do you have anything in store for me sir? Am I to lead a raid upon Azkaban and face Dementors with little more than my wits and my wand? Or perhaps I should take the mark and serve Voldemort at my fiancé’s side. What do you think?”

Dumbledore’s eyes hardened, “I think, Miss Granger, that you speak above your station and that Severus has grossly over stepped the privileges he is granted by revealing too much to you,” he said, a wave of his wand sending a silvery patronus flying from the room, “Shall we see what he has to say on this issue?”

“Gladly,” said Hermione, folding her arms over her chest, “I’ll happily have him here when we discuss how you are forcing him into murder.”

“Not without his consent Miss Granger.”

“Consent is an interesting word, Headmaster,” she said, “Especially when the choice is dark on each side. He consented to become an adult back in the summer but only because you threatened him with Azkaban if he did not. Such consent is ill-gotten.”

Silence filled the room but Hermione kept her gaze fixed on Dumbledore, all but willing him to challenge her as anger boiled in her veins. She turned as Severus finally hurried through the door behind her, his face falling as he saw her.

“Oh Merlin, you didn’t,” he said, moving to her and taking her hands, “Hermione…”

“Miss Granger came to me in a fit of pique and aware of details I thought we agreed would remain private,” said Dumbledore, “How much have you told her Severus?”

“Little I didn’t work out for myself once I started putting two and two together,” said Hermione, “Severus just filled in the gaps. You might be dying and I wish there was a way to save Draco but not at the risk of Severus. He kills you, the Ministry, the Order, everyone will hunt him and if they catch him, Azkaban would be a blessing. I’m not going to allow that to happen. You need to release him from his promise.”

“I can’t do that, Miss Granger,” said Dumbledore, “There is far too much at stake and things must go as planned if we have any hope of success. Any deviation could spell the end of us all so I cannot allow this knowledge to go any further. I have given the pair of you more freedoms than I should and asked for little in return but this must be dealt with.”

Hermione clutched Severus’ jacket as he took a step in front of her, placing himself between her and the headmaster.

“And do you propose to do so?” he said, “Hermione has given me her word and she will keep it.”

“That’s not guarantee enough,” said Dumbledore, “We need certainties. Miss Granger has already discussed the subject of consent and now she has a choice. She is of age and may make the Unbreakable Vow. She can promise not to reveal anything of what she knows, until the right moment, or she can consent to an obliviate but it must go back to when her part in these events started and her interest began when you two became a pair.”

“That’s no choice at all,” said Hermione.

“But it is the one before you Miss Granger,” said the older wizard, “We have come too far to risk all upon your whim. You came here without thought. How do I know you won’t reveal more than you should to people who should not yet know?”

Hermione stepped around Severus, taking hold of his hand, “My word won’t be enough I know and I have no desire to lose the memories of Severus and I,” she said, “Though I have no desire to help you. I will make the Unbreakable Vow.”

“Mione, no!” said Severus, turning her to face him, “It’s dangerous. If you break your word, it could kill you.”

“I know,” said Hermione, “I’ve read the theory. I want to make the vow with you, not Dumbledore. A promise between you and I doesn’t need magic to bind it but if I’m to make any vow, I’ll make it to you.”

Severus cupped her cheek in his hand, his thumb stroking gently, “Then you will know all before you make it.”

“Severus…” warned Dumbledore but a look from the younger man silenced him.

“She deserves to know everything if she makes this vow,” he said, “I will keep nothing from her.”

Dumbledore sighed but waved his hand in permission, “Then on your own head be it Severus.”

“Isn’t it already?” he said bitterly before he returned his attention to Hermione, “Darling, you already know my immediate mission but there is more. When Dumbledore dies, Voldemort will make his move. He will overthrow the Ministry to bring about his supremacy and Hogwarts is a site he will aim for. He will place Death Eaters here as teachers and he will harm any who oppose him. Our only hope is to have someone here who can counter that, a headmaster to keep control and reduce casualties. I intend for that to be me. I will keep this school and its students’ as safe as I can but that won’t be my only role. 

“Without his knowledge, I will help Harry to find and destroy the horcruxes in whatever way I can and when the time is right, I will tell him the final truth which will help him bring Voldemort’s destruction. You were correct about horcruxes and the necessity for murder to create them. Voldemort has several we’re sure be we can only guess at the exact number but there is one he doesn’t know about. One he made the night he first died. He murdered James Potter and then he murdered Lily, the curse rebounding as you know because she sacrificed herself for Harry. Voldemort died but part of his soul attached itself to the last living thing in that room, the one thing that survived.”

“Harry,” said Hermione, the word a shudder as the truth made itself clear, “None can live whilst the other… Harry has to die?”

Severus nodded, eyes falling shut against the threat of tears, before Hermione turned her attention to Dumbledore.

“You knew this and you have led Harry about with the belief he is some hero when in fact he is little more than a sacrifice,” she said, “I could spare Draco and Severus right now because I have never wanted anyone dead with such a passion as I do you. You utter bastard. You cruel, manipulative…ugh! To think of how often we’ve defended you, how we’ve fought for you. I hate you and when this is over, I will make sure the world knows the truth about you.”

“When this is over, Miss Granger, I will be dead and people’s good opinion will not matter,” he said, “And you may yet be forced to act questionably before the end.”

A warning growl from Severus quieted the headmaster even as his hand moved gently to turn Hermione’s attention back to him, “He is not worth your ire, my love,” he said, “Now you know all, will you still make the vow?”

Hermione nodded, “For your sake alone,” she said, “And because if I don’t I will tell Harry everything in the hope it could save him even though I know I can’t. Headmaster, if you would oblige us.”

Severus kissed her before he stepped back from her, offering her his hand. Hermione place her slim wrist in his grip, her own hand curling around the black cuff of his coat. She met his gaze, seeing the mix of fear and pride in the obsidian depths of his eyes. 

“I love you,” he said, before he shook off any upset, “Albus, you may begin.”

Dumbledore stepped up to them, waving his wand over their joined hands, “Hermione Granger, do you swear never to reveal any of the plans that you have been made privy to tonight?”

“I swear,” she said, feeling the magic snake from their joined grip into her heart.

“And do you swear to never reveal Severus’ part in these plans until they have been fulfilled or death has rendered them impossible?”

“I swear,” she said. 

“And do you swear not to interfere in the path set before Harry Potter and to assist in its completion in whatever way you can?”

“I…I swear,” said Hermione, feeling her tears break loose.

She shuddered as the magic settled around her like a vice before it dissipated, leaving only a slight thrum beneath her skin to remind her that the vow was there. She stumbled as Severus let go of her arm, gratefully finding herself swept up into his strong arms, as her own strength seemed to leave her. She pressed her face into his neck, not wanting to break down but unable to prevent herself from doing so.

“I hope you’re happy now, Albus,” said Severus, “You’re in control once more. Now if you don’t mind, Hermione needs rest and I can’t be seen walking into the common room with her my arms, again thanks to you. As you are our privileged headmaster, perhaps you would oblige in returning us to her room.”

Hermione didn’t hear a response, merely tightened her arms around Severus’s neck and kept hold as she felt the pull of apparition surrounding her, carrying her back to her room and the sleepless night she was sure awaited them both.


	8. The Mountains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus and Hermione head away from Hogwarts and Severus makes a confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay in posting this chapter. I had intended to get it out sooner but ran out of time before I disappeared off on holiday. I’m back now though and should hopefully have a new chapter of ‘To Sir…With Love’ out shortly as well (if you aren’t reading yet then please come along an join me). 
> 
> Thank you to every one who has sent lovely review and support. I do try to respond to you all if I can but if I’ve missed you I’m sorry and please don’t think your support is any less appreciated. Lots of love to all who are just reading too, don't be shy to talk to me though. Nova xx

Severus jolted to wakefulness, cursing the moment he realised he had fallen asleep. He blinked the remnants of sleep from his eyes, frowning as he found the bed beside him empty before he sat up, peering into the gloom of Hermione’s tower room.

“Go back to sleep,” came her voice in the darkness, her figure shadowed as she sat beside her dresser, “It’s nowhere near dawn.”

“Come back to bed,” he said, a wave of his hand increasing the fire as he felt the chill of the room.

“I can’t sleep and I’ll only disturb your rest,” said Hermione, “I’ll wake you when it’s light.”

“I shouldn’t have fallen asleep in the first place,” said Severus, “My darling…”

“Don’t. Please,” said Hermione, holding a hand up, “You’ve been too kind about this horrific situation that I’ve put us in.”

“That Albus put us in,” corrected Severus, “And I agreed to the unbreakable vow as much as you did.”

“But I was the one that went to him and told him I knew,” said Hermione, her voice breaking, “I didn’t stop to think. I didn’t stop to talk to you and I should have known better.”

“And I should have known better than to place the burden of such truths on your shoulders,” said Severus, sweeping aside the blankets and getting to his feet, “Darling, what’s done is done and blame on either of our parts will not change that. I love you and I am glad that I’m now able to be completely truthful with you.”

“You’re too good to me,” said Hermione as he crossed the room to her, crouching at her feet as she settled a hand on his shoulder, “Darling man, I love you. Ugh! I want this all to be over. I want to run away with you and never come back to this place.”

“One day, it will be so,” said Severus, “But until then, we have two weeks, starting when the sun rises. Will two weeks be enough for you for now?”

“Two weeks sound wonderful,” said Hermione, “Wherever we are headed.”

Severus laid his head against her thigh, Hermione’s fingers soon winding themselves into his hair as they fell silent once more. It was several long moments before Severus spoke again.

“In light of recent events I was considering modifying our plans for tomorrow,” he said, “Unless you want me to keep them the same?”

“Considering I don’t know what the plans are I can’t exactly make a decision,” said Hermione.

Severus chuckled, pressing a kiss to her leg before he raised his head once more, “That’s very true,” he said, “Well the original plan was for you to go to London tomorrow on the train and then for you to take a room in a hotel near to Kings Cross. I planned to lead you on a little treasure hunt from there, the prize being our destination but after what happened tonight. I don’t know if I want to be parted from you, especially not for a game.”

“Then change it,” said Hermione, “Because I don’t want to be separated from you any longer than I have to be either.”

“Then when morning arrives, you will board the express and return to Kings Cross, maintaining that you will be meeting your parents as we originally decided,” said Severus, “Go to the Renaissance Hotel near St Pancras, there will a room booked there in your name. Go into the room and wait for one hour and then call me.”

“Call you?” said Hermione, “I’m not skilled enough with a patronus though, especially if I don’t know where you are.”

“There’ll be no need to use magic,” said Severus, standing and reaching for a piece of parchment and quill on her desk, his hand moving quickly before he tore off the corner he had written on, “My number.”

Hermione giggled, “How very muggle of you,” she said, taking the familiar pattern of digits from his hand, “I’d never even considered you’d have something like a phone.”

“I’m half-blood and my father was always insistent that things were done the muggle way when I was young,” said Severus, “I barely use it but it’s still there and still connected. We can make use of it now. We need to be careful; until we are out of Britain we will be at risk.”

“Then I will take care and do as you say,” said Hermione, “What happens after I call?”

“You tell me your room number,” answered Severus, “I apparate in, pick you up, take us both to the additional room I will arrange and we spend a quiet night there in seclusion. The next morning we will leave, disguised with Polyjuice Potion, and we will head to Gatwick Airport. Just two muggles, nondescript and nameless, and hopefully free of any tail that has been put on us. The rest though, I will keep as a surprise.”

Hermione smiled, her fingers fussing the strands of his hair once more, “Ever that clever head of yours,” she said, “You can keep the rest of your secrets then. It all sounds wonderful so far.”

“I’m glad,” said Severus, getting to his feet before he helped her to her own, “Now then, come back to bed and try to sleep. I’ve got to miss you for half a day tomorrow when you’re travelling so I don’t want a room between us now.”

Hermione tried and failed to fight a yawn, her body letting her feel the fatigue all the more as Severus picked her up, carrying her like a bride over to the bed once more. He laid her down gently amongst the warm blankets, his body providing an anchor to cling to as she gave herself up to sleep. Certain the nightmares would come but certain as well, that he would be there to help her chase them away.

xxxx

Hermione was glad that the Hogwarts Express had been timed to arrive alongside the muggle rush hour, allowing her to slip almost unnoticed from Platform Nine and Three Quarters and into the crowds. She was grateful for her enchanted suitcase rather than her unwieldy trunk, thankful as well that she had been able to leave Crookshanks in the care of the castle. 

She drew a scarf around her face, the air chilly enough to warrant it once she hit the bustling streets of London. The night had already drawn in, the shortest days of the year already upon them and it added to the anonymity of the place. Regardless of the cover of the night and the crowds, she still hurried her steps the short distance from the station to the hotel. 

She had all but reached her destination when the sight of an open jewellers caught her attention. She reached into her coat pocket, her hand closing around the purse therein and she smiled, heading into the brightly lit shop. She emerged a while later, her pocket heavier but her purse and her heart far lighter. 

She hurried to the hotel, in little doubt that Severus would have a keen handle on the arrival time of the train into the station and she had no wish to worry him by calling any later than he anticipated. She paused however as she stepped into the great hallway, the splendour of the decoration making her wonder how the rooms would look. She always thought no sight would ever impress her again after Hogwarts but the ingenuity of muggle architecture never ceased to amaze her and she felt pride in her blood. 

She approached the desk, drawing herself as tall as she could when she realised how alien it would be for a girl of her age to be staying alone in such a grand place. She smiled, knowing it was returned by the man behind out of politeness rather than true welcome. 

“I have a room booked in the name of Hermione Granger,” she said, trying to modulate her tone to broker no argument from him.

“Very well,” he said, looking at the screen before him as though expecting not to find anything, his eyebrows nearly hitting his hairline as he clearly came across her name, “Indeed, Miss Granger. You are in room two hundred and fourteen. Would you like the concierge to help with your bags?”

“No thank you,” said Hermione, as he handed her the key, “Just point me in the right direction.”

“Take the lift to the second floor and follow to corridor around to the right,” he said, “Would you like a wake up call or a newspaper in the morning?”

Hermione shook her head, “No thank you,” she said, taking hold of her case and heading towards the lift he had gestured to.

She looked around herself, Severus’ words regarding tails and spies putting her nerves on edge but she could neither see nor sense anyone following her though she was sure she would only fully relax once she was in his company once more. 

The lift doors closed around her and she allowed herself a breath of relief as she realised she was travelling alone. When the doors opened once more, she stepped out into another ornate corridor, following the path the receptionist had directed her to until she came to the door to her room. She unlocked it and stepped inside, turning on the lights and smiling at the room before her. 

She locked the door behind her before she crossed the room to the bed, running her hands over the crisp white sheets before she threw herself down into the soft pillows indulging in the luxury the room afforded. She sat up, slipping off her coat and her shoes before she drew the box from her pocket and opening it. She stroked her fingers over the case of the elegant pocket watch, taking her wand from her pocket and weaving a charm over the gold, smiling at the inscription that appeared there. 

She closed the box and placed it into the black suitcase, her eyes drifting to the phone but keeping her promise not to call for an hour after her arrival. She explored the room before turning her attention to the television, the device almost alien to her after so long at Hogwarts. It distracted her enough however and an hour soon passed, Hermione all but tripping over herself to get to the phone. She dialled the number she had learned by heart on the train, the treacherous organ thundering in her chest as she waited for the call to be picked up.

“Are you there?” came the answer at last, no greeting or warmth in the tone but she knew it was necessary for him to remain impassive in case anyone else was on the line.

“I’m here,” she responded, equally coolly.

“Number?”

“Two-fourteen,” she said.

“Close the curtains, take hold of everything you own,” he said before the line cut off. 

She replaced the received and did as she was told, swiftly pulling the heavy drapes across the windows before she hurried into her shoes and coat, taking hold of her still packed suitcase. She stood beside the bed, waiting for him to appear or for a knock to come on the door. Instead, she nearly cried out as strong arms came around her from behind, only his familiar silky voice in her ear keeping her from doing so. 

“Hold on tight,” he said, before she felt the pull of apparition.

It was the work of a mere second before her feet touched the ground once more, dropping her case as she turned and threw her arms around the man behind her. She hugged him tightly for a moment before she pulled back and punched his arm.

“You scared the life out of me,” she said, unable to keep the smile off her face as he smirked, “Where are we?”

“Same hotel, different room,” said Severus, pressing a kiss to her forehead, “Sorry that I frightened you but I needed to be quick in case anyone was watching the room. You can relax now, we don’t have to go anywhere until morning.”

Hermione looked around herself, the room similar to the one she had left but it was evident that someone was in residence, several of Severus’ things on the bedside table and the dresser.

“Did you unpack with magic?” she asked in confusion, “It was a matter of seconds after I called you when you appeared in my room.”

“I was here earlier,” said Severus, “Checked in on behalf of myself and my wife at about two o’clock, then I went home and waited for your call.”

Hermione frowned, “You’ve lost me entirely now,” she said, “I’m too tired to fathom it out.”

“Well, to give the short of it, you and I will be making great use of one of your favoured potions during our journey,” said Severus, “I have forged us two new identities, infallible to muggle eyes. Currently we are Thomas and Henrietta Troughton from Wisbech, Norfolk and, if we are to be seen, I have usurped the appearances of a couple I bumped into in Edinburgh a few weeks ago. I headed home once I looked myself again, just in case anyone was watching the house. According those who think they need to know, I have been summoned on a mission with Dumbledore so hopefully, no one will think to look for me elsewhere. I’m probably being over cautious but until we’re out of England, I need to protect us both.”

“You and your clever head,” said Hermione as he helped her off with her coat, hanging it in the wardrobe next to his own, “All this for a holiday.”

“Perhaps one day we will not need to use such measures,” he said, turning back to her and taking her hands, “But for now, I’m just happy to have this time with you. How was the journey down? Did you see Harry?”

“Only briefly,” said Hermione, “I avoided him. I didn’t know what to do if he asked me a question that contravened the vow. Ron seemed to have his attention though so he didn’t try to find me. I made most of the journey with Luna and Neville.”

“At least you had company,” said Severus, “I can barely believe it’s only a year since I travelled home with you for the first time. It was the best Christmas ever.”

“Well I’ll endeavour to make this as good as last year,” said Hermione.

“It’s already better,” said Severus, bending down to kiss her softly, “I’m able to do that for a start. Despite the effort this has taken to arrange, the thought of having your company without interruption for two whole weeks is more joy than I ever thought I would find.”

Hermione smiled, threading her fingers into his hair before she brought him back to her lips. She was so lost in him that she barely registered the knock at the door but Severus pulled back almost instantly.

“That should be dinner,” he said, his face apologetic, “I ordered something earlier. Go wait in the bathroom just in case though, don’t come out until I say so.”

“What about you?” said Hermione, “You look like you.”

“Instructions were to leave it outside the door,” said Severus, “If there’s someone there and they recognise me then I’m here alone and on Dumbledore’s orders.”

Hermione headed into the bathroom, closing the door behind her before taking a seat on the rim of the large bathtub. She heard the door open and strained her ears for the sound of Severus’ voice but all she heard was the squeak of a wheel before the door closed and locked once more. A light tap came on the door moments later and she smiled.

“Coast is clear,” said Severus from outside.

She left the room, slipping off her shoes as she headed to join him beside the trolley, “Well something smells good at least,” she said, smiling as he turned and handed her a glass filled with a deep red wine, “Trying to get me drunk?”

“I know it takes a bit more than that,” he said, “But even so, we need to keep a clear head tonight so just the one. I did smuggle some of the tea you like out of Hogwarts though, can’t be dealing with that dreadful bagged stuff you get in these places.”

“Damn those muggles and their bagged tea,” she teased, as he led her over to the small table and chairs, the trolley following behind them on its own.

He helped her into her chair before taking his own, a wave of his hand transfiguring the small tea light on the table into an elegant candlestick as the lights dimmed to a soft glow. They ate in companionable silence as they did at the castle when they forewent the great hall, the familiarity of it comforting as they adjusted to being outside of Hogwarts. 

Once they had eaten, Hermione happily curled up beside him on the large bed, the television chattering away in the background much as she had teased him for putting it on. Even the unfamiliar sound of the television could not keep her awake though, her sleepless night, the journey and the glass of fine wine combining to make her eyelids heavy as she rested against his shoulder. 

“Would you like me to remain as your pillow or would you prefer to lie down?” said Severus after a while, his lips brushing her hair as he did so.

“I’ll be alright,” said Hermione around a yawn, “I’m not that tired.”

“Well I’m an old man and I’m bloody knackered,” said Severus, his arm tightening around her as she laughed, “I’m neither use nor ornament tonight and we need to be up early to get to the airport.”

“I guess we’ve had more than our fair share of trials these last few days,” she said, “What time do we need to be up?”

“Five,” said Severus, “We have a taxi booked for six-thirty and we need to get up in time to take the polyjuice. Not my preferred breakfast brew but necessary for our journey.”

“Have you managed to extend the time period it lasts for?” said Hermione, grimacing as he shook his head, “I’m praying it’s not a long flight.”

“Not too long,” said Severus, “If we get through without delays we’re looking at about six hours until we won’t need the disguise.”

“Well that’s not so bad,” said Hermione before she smiled, “At least now I know we’re going to Europe.”

“Sneaky witch,” said Severus, “There’ll be no surprise left if you keep wheedling.”

“I’m sure you’ll find many ways to surprise me,” she replied, “You always do.”

It did not take them long to ready themselves for bed and they were both asleep in moments of retiring, secure in the heavy warding Severus had surrounded their room with. Hermione, however, was certain that she had only been asleep for half an hour when Severus roused her again. 

She was still half-asleep and more than a little uncomfortable when they headed out into the darkness outside the hotel and bundled into a taxi. She was grateful that the polyjuice potion had at least given her a human appearance, her mind filled with memories of hairballs when she had tasted the vile potion, but the blonde, thirty something woman that stared back from the mirror still jarred her. She was equally perturbed by Severus’ altered appearance, his hair lighter and his features indistinct, his voice the only thing to offer her comfort as it remained unchanged. 

She was glad he had decided to present them as a married couple, not wanting to loosen her grip on him unless she truly had to. The roads had been quiet enough that they made the airport in good time, the terminal filled with a few holidaymakers and businessmen, and she had clutched a little harder to her forged passport as they headed towards the check in desk. 

She relaxed slightly as they were relieved of their bags and passed easily through the security checks, no one questioning their bottled potions when Severus had concealed them in popular muggle health-drink bottles. She kept hold of his arm as they headed to the gate, taking a seat in the waiting area as they waited for it to open.

“Switzerland,” she said happily, looking down at the ticket in her hand, “I’ve always wanted to go.”

“Well I hope it lives up to expectations,” said Severus, “Sorry it couldn’t be further afield but it was as far as I could take us and still be able to get us back magically in an emergency.”

Hermione rested her head on his shoulder, ignoring the more slender build the polyjuice gave him, “It’s wonderful,” she said, “And very romantic.”

“You inspire me,” he said, pressing a kiss to her hair, “Promise me, if we do ever get to travel the world as we planned we’ll do it our way. Muggle travel is so difficult and I am not keen on the prospect of what’s yet to come.”

“I prefer airplanes to brooms,” said Hermione, “But you can always hold my hand.”

“Gladly, even if I wasn’t a bundle of nerves.”

They turned their conversation to inane subjects as others began to arrive, none of them giving them more than a casual glance as their muggle clothes and nondescript appearances had them blending in with the rest of the holiday-makers. 

Finally, the call came to board and Hermione took the lead as she felt Severus’ grip tighten on her hand. She kept tight hold of him as the plane took off, speeding them into the sky and she was certain she would be hard pressed to ever get him on a plane again as his face was set in a grim mask for the duration. She was glad that the flight was of short duration, certain her circulation would not have survived much longer, and she found herself sped quickly onto terra firma once they had been released from the confines of the plane. Part of her wanted to tease him but his fear also reminded her of everything he had grown up without, never having travelled beyond Great Britain by either magical or muggle means because of the poverty he had been raised in. 

Switzerland was cold and snowy beyond the large windows of the airport and Hermione hoped there was somewhere indoors they could wait for a taxi to take them on to wherever they were staying. She was surprised therefore when he led her towards the car rentals, leaving her with their cases as he went to speak to someone on the desk. She worried a nail with her teeth as she watched his disguised form converse with the clerk, wondering what he was trying to arrange as she waited.

It was only when he returned to her with keys in his hand that she voiced her concerns as they headed towards the door.

“You hired a car?” she whispered.

“It’s a three hour drive to where we’re staying,” he said, “And there are no direct transport routes unless you want to spend another nine hours and change onto three different buses.”

“You know you need a licence?” said Hermione, glancing around to see if anyone was in earshot, “It’s not like riding a broom.”

She heard him chuckle, looking up to see an expression that was so reminiscent of her Dark Arts Professor despite his altered appearance.

“I’m sure I’ll pick it up,” he said before he smiled, “Darling don’t look so worried. I am perfectly capable. I learned the muggle way when I was twenty-five and I was bored one summer. I’m perfectly legal even if the documents I’m using at the moment aren’t.”

Hermione laughed though the sound was one of relief rather than real humour, “A phone, a driver’s licence,” she said, “Are you sure you’re a wizard?”

Severus said nothing but wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they stepped out into the frigid air. She was glad that they located the car quickly, the vehicle well built for snowy roads, and they were soon on the road, the day bright and cold before them. 

They had barely travelled half an hour when she felt the now familiar sensation of the fading effects of the potion and reached for the bottle containing the brew to restore it but Severus’ hand on her arm stopped her. 

“No need now,” he said, “We’re safe and I’ve missed your beautiful face.”

Hermione smiled, holding a lock of blonde hair in front of her face as she watched it return to her usual brown, “I think she was pretty but I prefer to be myself,” she said, turning her head to see his features returning to their usual set, his skin growing paler as his hair grew darker and longer, “I glad you’re coming back as well.”

“We shan’t have to transform again until we return if we don’t want to,” said Severus, “Where we’re staying is remote and muggle run. I’ve made arrangements with the owner so that we won’t have to see another living soul. There is a muggle town nearby if we want to visit it but then we would need to be disguised.”

“So we’re going to be utterly alone?” said Hermione, with a smile, “Just you and me? Whatever are we going to do with ourselves?”

She was glad his true features had been fully restored as she caught the brief look he gave her, reminding her of a boy, late summer evenings and potions homework. He took her hand briefly before turning his attention back to the road, both of them keen to end their journey as swiftly as they could.

xxxx 

“No way is this ours for two whole weeks?” said Hermione stamping the snow off her boots as they stepped into the large, cabin perched on the side of a pine-covered hill, “Severus, this is beautiful.”

“Even more so than the pictures I saw when I arranged it,” said Severus, shrugging off his coat and hanging it on a peg beside the door, “Go and explore, we can unpack later.”

“Explore with me,” said Hermione, taking his hand and dragging him through the hallway and into the large living space, plush seating and rustic furnishings giving it a homely feel reminiscent of Gryffindor Tower. 

The cabin was large but not so big that they would lose themselves in it, the views of both the mountains and the pine forest beautiful in the pale light. A well-stocked kitchen, an elegant bedroom and a bathroom that rivalled some of those at the school made up the rest of the space, the place made even more welcoming when they enchanted their cases to unpack themselves. Hermione smiled as she watched the little box she had brought from the jewellers secret itself away in the top draw of her bedside table, looking forward the Christmas day and the opportunity to give it to him. 

Once they had explored the building, Severus had her don a coat once more, taking her out into the grounds surrounding the house and proceeding to teach her warding and protective charms far beyond even NEWT level. They circled the property, pausing only to allow Severus to explain the finer points of the spell, the both of them increasing the potency of the wards with their combined efforts. 

“This is the most wonderful place, Severus,” said Hermione as they stood on the veranda, looking out over the mountains, “It’s so peaceful.”

“I wanted something quiet for us both,” he said, his face drawn tight despite the protection that surrounded them, “Days like this are numbered and I fear we may be separated by more than just our public roles before too long.”

“Don’t,” said Hermione, taking hold of his hand, “I know your words are true but please don’t talk of it now. Not in this beautiful place when I have you all to myself. Let us pretend that this is merely a holiday and ignore all that we know is yet to come. Please can we just be Hermione and Severus, woman and man, not teacher and student, not wizard and witch, just us. Just let us be you and me, like we were last Christmas, no magic and none of this pain.”

“That’s all I want,” said Severus, turning to her, long pale fingers reaching up to brush an errant tear from her cheek, “Would that I could be that boy again for you.”

“I miss him,” said Hermione, “I loved him but he is you and I know you’ve been finding that hard. You’ve been pushing it away as though he was something of the light that you can no longer be. He was you, Severus, and you are him, and I love you. Please believe that. Please.”

He leaned down, his forehead resting against hers as his hands gripped gently at her shoulders, her tiny body seemingly an anchor in the storm.

“You’re the only good thing in my life and every moment your with me I drag you into darkness.”

“I’m facing darkness whether I am with you or not,” said Hermione, “Darling, let me in please. Drop every wall you have built between us and let me love you again.”

Her heart broke as she felt his tears splash onto her cheeks but she rejoiced as he kissed her, the chaste and restrained touch she had known tossed aside and reminding her of the night he had first been changed back and her touch had been the only thing to bring him comfort. 

“I shouldn’t…” he said brokenly, “Even bringing you here, I shouldn’t have done it but I need you with me. I love you beyond anything and anyone and my only wish was that I was not so deeply entwined with this damned scheme of Dumbledore’s but at the same time, I know I am the only one capable of what needs to be done. My only fear is the thought of seeing hate in your eyes for me.”

“I know what lies before you and I do not hate you,” said Hermione, “And even if you are forced to perform far darker deeds, I will never hate you.”

“You cannot say…”

“I can say as I please,” said Hermione, “And I beg you to believe my words but if they’re not enough then you know what to do. Look. Look as you used to when you would kiss me and feel what I felt. Severus, take what you need to ease your soul. Know that I will never, ever abandon you.”

His hands moved, taking gentle hold of her cheeks and turning her gaze up to his. She heard his whispered Legilimens and didn’t make any attempt to resist him, instead letting her love, devotion and pride in him flow from her mind into his. She felt him shudder and caught hold of his arms in an effort to support him.

“Feel my love,” she said, “No matter what you do. No matter what crimes either Dumbledore or Voldemort make you commit, I am here and I am with you until the end. Let me be the one place you can call home in all of this. I will never leave you, never abandon you. I promise. Even if this war takes my life I will love you until my last breath.”

“My love…” he sobbed, Hermione’s hands unable to hold him up as he sank to his knees, his face pressed into her stomach as he wept. 

“Hush,” said Hermione softly as she stroked his hair, “Please don’t cry sweetheart. Please don’t cry.”

She felt him slip from her mind but she held him as tightly as she could, shielding him from the cold outside and whatever pain he was suffering from within. She lowered herself to her own knees, bringing his head to her shoulder as she held him in the silence that surrounded them. She wasn’t sure how long they knelt there but it was long enough for the warming charm she had woven over herself began to wear off. She whispered the charm once more, hoping she would warm him a little too but the sound of her voice was enough to rouse Severus from his silence.

“I’m so sorry,” he said softly, “You must be cold.”

“I’m fine,” said Hermione, smiling as he met her gaze, “Witch. Remember?”

He returned her smile but it was still weak, “We should go inside,” he said, “If I intended for us to sit outside all day I would have chosen somewhere a little warmer.”

“We can choose a beach for our next destination,” she said, “How do you feel?”

“Like a complete bastard,” said Severus, pressing a kiss to her lips, “But a loved one. Forgive my doubts they…”

“Are not something we’re going to dwell on,” said Hermione, pressing a finger to his lips, “Come on, magical or not we can still get too cold being out here.”

Severus got to his feet before helping her to hers, his arm tight about her shoulders as he led her inside. She turned towards the living room but he stopped her, his hand slipping from her shoulders to take her hand, raising it to his lips and pressing a kiss to the back of it.

“Beloved,” he said, “I…I’m in no position to ask but I need you…I need…”

“Yes,” said Hermione, his meaning clear despite his hesitance, “It will always be yes.”

Severus took her face in his hands, his dark eyes meeting hers as he offered her a far less strained smile than she had seen in months, “But I will always ask,” he said.

“And that’s why I love you,” said Hermione, taking his hand once more and turning towards the bedroom. 

A wave of Severus’ hand had the candles on the dresser lit, the rest of the lights in the cabin extinguishing in the same moment. Hermione couldn’t help but realise that the light almost perfectly mimicked the light in the Room of Requirement and she smiled up at him. She swiftly unfastened the buttons of his coat, letting it pool on the floor at his feet before she shrugged off her own coat.

“We’ve got all the time in the world,” said Hermione, stepping into the circle of his arms, “Same as the first time.”

“Then shall we begin in the same way?” said Severus, the door to the bathroom opening of its own accord behind him, a billow of fragrant steam coming from within.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea, my clever boy,” she answered, giving a shriek of joy as he lifted her into his arms, carrying her towards the bathroom as she held onto him tightly. 

xxxx

“You are insatiable, witch,” came Severus’ sleepy purr as kisses tripped up his bare back, pausing when they reached the pale line of a scar before continuing upwards.

“You inspire me,” said Hermione, coming to rest with her head cheek on his shoulder, her body blanketing his, “How do you feel?”

“Like I spent the last few hours in the arms of the woman I love,” said Severus, “And all the better for it.”

Hermione smiled, lifting herself up as he rolled over. “I’m glad,” she said, lying back down on his chest, his fingers tracing a random pattern over his heart, “Can’t say I have much to complain about either.”

“Definitely didn’t hear any complaints, just my name over and over and over,” said Severus, as Hermione pressed a kiss to his chest, his hand coming to her cheek as she raised her head, “My beautiful Panda Bear.”

Hermione felt tears spring to her eyes at the endearment, “You…you haven’t called me that for such a long time,” she said, “I’ve missed it.”

“I know,” said Severus, his thumb tracing softly over the apple of her cheek, “For a long time I couldn’t. It didn’t feel right. It felt like it was his name for you but now I know that you see us as one and the same, it feels right once again.”

“I wish you’d spoken to me sooner,” she said, her fingers threading through his hair, “But at least now we’re on the right page.”

“There’s still work to do,” said Severus, “If I survive this war then I think a brief sojourn in St Mungo’s might be necessary. After everything that has happened wires are starting to get a little crossed up here.”

He raised a hand, tapping a finger to his temple, his smile taking some of the sting from his words but Hermione frowned all the same.

“You’re not mad,” she said, “You just need some rest and some peace.”

Severus shook his head, “No, I need some help,” he said, “And I feel no shame in admitting it. When this is over, if there is even the slightest chance that we can be together, I want to be whole and well for you. I need to be fit to be a husband and, if it is your wish, a father and that may mean we need to be apart for a while. I want to be well for you Hermione.”

Hermione lay her head back down on his chest, her arms wrapping around his middle as his came about her, “If it’s what you want then of course I’ll support you,” she said, “Though I’ll be loathed to part from you.”

“I hope it won’t be of long duration,” said Severus, “But I will be whole for you my love, if you’ll still be my bride?”

“Never doubt it,” said Hermione, raising her head once more and meeting his gaze, “Name the day and I am yours, before or after this war is over.”

“Tempt me like that and I’ll marry you tomorrow,” said Severus, pressing a kiss to her hair, “But for now, more pressing matters, it’s about time I made you dinner and we made use of more than just this room.”

“I’m rather fond of this room,” Hermione replied, propping herself on her elbow once more, “But I am hungry.”

“Rouse yourself then witch,” he said, “And I’ll see what I can cremate in the kitchen.”

Hermione giggled, “Do you truly expect me to believe that a former Potions Master is not an excellent cook as well?”

“I’ve never really had much cause to cook,” he said, “The elves make everything at Hogwarts and when I am at home and it’s just me it’s not worth the effort to make anything more complicated than a tin of soup.”

“Then maybe I can teach you something for a change,” said Hermione slipping from the bed and heading to the large armoire that had been magically filled with their clothes.

She smiled at the sight of her things placed neatly next to his, hoping that someday they would be able to do the same in their own home as she drew out a dressing gown for herself and one for him. She threw his onto the bed before donning her own, smiling at the sight of him looking a world away from his usual pristine self amongst the ruffled sheets. 

“Come on,” she said, holding out her hand, “We should make our first night here special. I want to enjoy every moment when I get to keep you for longer than a few secretive hours.”

He rose, pulling on the long black dressing gown she had giving him before he took her into his arms once more. His kiss lacked the desperation he had shown prior to his confessions to her but Hermione was glad when she felt nothing but love and certainty in his touch. Certain herself that the time they had together in the mountains, however brief it may be, would at least be a balm at least to his wounded soul and a step towards the healing they both so desperately craved.


	9. The Time We Have

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus and Hermione share Christmas day in Switzerland but news from home shatters their peace.

“Do you intend to sleep the entire day away my love or will I get to see more than this fright of hair before noon?”

“Hmm? What?” said Hermione, her eyes opening as she reached for the man beside her, a frown on her face as she felt the sleeve of his shirt beneath her palm, “Why are you dressed? I distinctly remember you being naked when I fell asleep.”

“That I was,” said Severus, brushing several strands of her sleep mussed hair from her eyes, “But that was over eight hours ago and one of us had to get up if we had any hope of having a proper dinner today. Tradition you know?”

Hermione giggled, “Given that we have spent the week massacring every meal we have tried to cook, you thought it would be an idea to attempt Christmas dinner?” she said.

“Well I had this startling remembrance that I am in fact a wizard so I charmed the lot of it,” said Severus, “So we have a good four hours for me to wish you a very, very Merry Christmas.”

“Which brings me back to my first question,” said Hermione, her fingers already nimbly unfastening the buttons of his shirt, “Why are you dressed?”

Severus leaned down to kiss her, the touch teasing, “A very good question?” he said, “There is a reason they call you the brightest witch of your age.”

It was several hours later when they finally emerged from the bedroom, dressed in far more decorative clothes then they had been wearing in the days since they arrived, finding no need to change out of nightwear or bathrobes when it was just to two of them lounging in the solitude of their mountain getaway. As promised, Hermione was dressed in the red dress Severus had asked her to bring the night of the Slug Club party, the neckline low and square much to his delight when she had left the bathroom in it. 

She had been surprised to see him in a muggle suit rather than his usual clothes, the cut elegant and flattering though she still missed the casual clothes he had given up wearing when he had been aged once more. Despite the reminiscence, she had felt a familiar frisson of excitement run through her at the sight of him so elegantly dressed, handsome and hers with no one to interrupt them. It had only been Severus’ greater sense of control that had finally ejected them from the bedroom, the living room welcoming with the fire lit in the hearth and the lights twinkling on the tree.

She had been surprised when Severus had ventured beyond their wards several days beforehand, coming back with a tree before producing a box of glass decorations that they had decorated it with. He had charmed the lights to look like tiny flames whilst giving no risk of catching the tree alight, the baubles hovering midair rather than on the branches, moving every so often to change the pattern of the light. 

Hermione smiled as she saw the table neatly set for two beside the window facing the snowy peaks outside.

“You have been busy,” she said, raising herself on her toes and pressing a kiss to his cheek, “Thank you.”

“You gave me a wonderful Christmas last year, it’s only right I return the favour,” he said, leading her over to sit by the tree, “There’s still some time before dinner so I thought you might like to open your present. I want you to wear it.”

“Present?” said Hermione, “The holiday…”

“Is my way of spending time with you,” said Severus, picking up the small wrapped box from beneath the branches, “I wanted to get you something more permanent as your gift.”

Hermione barely kept her excitement in check as he handed her the box. She delicately undid the ribbon, prolonging the anticipation as it fell into her lap. She slipped a finger beneath the wrapping, splitting the paper and revealing the velvet box beneath.

“Jewellery?” she said, raising her gaze to his.

“Open it and see,” he replied, his smile full of anticipation and exciting her even more.

Hermione opened the box, her gasp turning to a sob as she looked down at the elegant locket that lay nestled in the silken interior of the box. The chain was an intricate weave of yellow and white gold, thin but strong, leading down to an oval shaped pendant. The obsidian jewel in the centre was large and brilliant, surrounded by half a dozen bright diamonds that glittered in the lights from the trees. She smiled, unable to miss the fact that the jewels matched those in her engagement ring.

“Oh Severus, it’s so beautiful,” she said softly, “You shouldn’t have.”

“It’s my prerogative to spoil you, especially today,” he said, “But pretty as the necklace is, there is another purpose to it. Open it.”

Hermione gently opened the locket, smiling at the sight of a lock of black hair intertwined with her own familiar colouring within the chamber.

“I hope you don’t mind that I took the liberty but I needed your hair and mine for the charm I put on it,” he said, “Say my name to it.”

Hermione lifted the locket to her lips, “Severus,” she whispered, watching the strands of their hair glow within the setting.

“Whenever you do that, wherever I am, I will hear you,” said Severus.

Hermione gasped as his voice not only came from the man beside her but also from the pendant itself, “How?” she said, turning to him, “That’s ingenious. What’s the spell?”

“One of my own,” said Severus, “I wanted something because, whether we like it or not, we will find ourselves separated at some point during this war and I wanted someway for you to stay in contact with me if you wanted to. No one can trace the charm or access it but you and me, that’s why I needed the hair.”

Hermione closed the pendant, “I love it, thank you,” she said, feeling a tear break loose and slide down her cheek, “I’ll always have you with me.”

“I want to be as close to you as I can,” he said, taking the pendant from the box and sweeping her hair out of the way to fasten the chain around her neck, “Even if there are physical miles between us, I will be as close to you as I can be.”

“Oh Severus,” said Hermione, taking his face in her hands and pressing her lips to his, “You’re always with me already but knowing I will be able to talk to you whatever may happen is such a comfort. My wonderful man. Stay here, I have to get something.”

She giggled at his bemused expression, leaving him sat beside the tree as she hurried back to the bedroom. She retrieved the wrapped box from her nightstand, holding it behind her back as she headed back into the living room. She paused in the doorway as she saw him watching her, his expression so soft and loving that it stole her breath from her for a moment. She smiled shyly, crossing the room to him and kneeling beside him.

“We both know what’s coming,” she said, “And it seems like we were thinking on the same theme when we bought our gifts. Though it’s in no way magical, I couldn’t resist getting you this.”

Severus’ hand closed around the box as she held it out to him, “Now you certainly shouldn’t have been spending your money on me, my love,” he said.

“My prerogative to spoil you too, you know,” she said, moving to sit behind him and resting her chin on his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around his waist, “I was hoping it was something you could wear or at least keep in your pocket when we’re apart.”

Severus tore off the paper with far less grace than Hermione had shown, smiling at the sight of the box beneath, “We had similar ideas indeed,” he said, opening the box to reveal the pocket watch inside, “But this…”

“Do you like it?” said Hermione, “Of all the things in the shop it was the thing that suited you best. Elegant and traditional. Look at the back, I did the inscription myself.”

Severus lifted the heavy watch from the case, turning it over in his hand to read the inscription on the back.

“For the time we have,” he read, setting the box down so he had a hand free to clasp hers about his waist, “It’s perfect my love, I will wear this with pride every day for the rest of my life.”

Hermione smiled, pressing her face into his neck, “That’s quite the promise there Professor Snape,” she said, pressing a kiss to his throat.

“Well, as I do not yet have a wedding band to bind me to you, I shall instead have a beautiful watch that will tick away the hours and with every rotation of the hands my love for you will grow,” said Severus, turning so that he could see her face, “Darling Hermione.”

“We will have our wedding bands,” said Hermione, “When this is done and we can publicly acknowledge our love then I will proudly be your bride, whatever people want to say about it. In my heart, we are already one and this week we have had has shown me that our life together will be warm, friendly and fulfilling in every way it should be. I am utterly yours Severus Snape, forever. I have been since that day underneath the oak tree when we argued as to which Bronte sister had the more superior talent.”

“Did we ever resolve that argument?” said Severus, moving so that she was settled at his side as he leaned back against a nearby footstool.

“I believe,” said Hermione, “That we resolved to see them as equals. You favour Charlotte and her perception of a wounded, desolate man being saved and renewed by a young, bookish woman who adores him with her whole heart. I favour Emily and her vision of a love that transcends tradition, position and life itself. A girl desperate for something more in the world and her passionate, dangerous man who she loves with utter abandon.”

“So are you my Jane and I your Heathcliff?” said Severus, “Or are you my Cathy and I your Rochester?”

Hermione played at thinking the question over, giggling when she was unable to keep a straight face, “Rochester in the library,” she said, capturing his lips in a swift kiss, “Heathcliff in the bedroom…in the bath…by the fireplace.”

The familiar chime from one of Severus’ timing charms cut her short and she groaned as she let her forehead fall to his shoulder.

“You are kidding me,” she said.

“I told you there wasn’t long until dinner,” said Severus, regret mixing with resolve in his tone.

“I can live on toast,” said Hermione.

“I promised you Christmas dinner and that is what you will have,” said Severus, his fingers tracing the chain of her necklace until he reached the dip of her collarbone, “Let the anticipation make tonight all the sweeter.”

“You’re lucky I love you,” said Hermione, following him to standing and smiling as she saw him open the buttons of his suit jacket to thread the watch she had bought him into the pocket of his waistcoat, “I knew that would suit you.”

Severus held out his hand to her, bowing as she took it, “If my lady would care to take her seat,” he said, straightening and leading her over to the table by the window, “I’ll be only a moment.”

“Take your time,” said Hermione, sitting down in the seat he pulled out for her, turning her attention to the mountains outside as he left her for the kitchen.

She sighed at the vast expanse before her, silent and lonely but it had been a place of peace for them and she would happily have made her life there if they could. She was grateful for the time they had, the solitude allowing Severus the peace she knew he sorely needed but as the days went on she knew Hogwarts and the wizarding world they had left behind would soon loom over them once more. 

The thought of returning to lessons and the structured nature of the school filled her with dread and it took all her might not to beg Severus to flee with her to some even more remote part of the world to escape it. She knew the sense of duty that beat strongly within them both would not allow it to happen though, both of them too tied up in the war that was yet to fully break out. 

“Don’t think on it now, my love,” said Severus, pulling her from her thoughts as he set a plate in front of her, “We still have another week. Don’t think on it.”

Hermione smiled up at him sadly, nodded as he joined her at the table and ably steered her onto happier topics that soon had the school and the future that went with it far from her mind. It was only later when they had retired to the couch in front of the fire that her mind wandered back in the direction of the school, the sight of him annotating a book he had been reading reminding her of something she had been meaning to ask.

“Darling,” she said, her nails raking lightly through his hair where he rested back against her chest, “Your mother…”

“What of her?” said Severus half-heartedly as his concentration remained on the passage he was studying.

“What was her maiden-name?” 

Severus closed his book with a small laugh, “Trying to avoid being saddled with Snape as a surname?” he said, sitting up and turning to face her, “It was Prince. She was Eileen Prince before she married my father. A rather prestigious pureblood family, once upon a time. I think there are a few relations still knocking about in Germany though she was cut off when she got married and I’ve never seen them. Why do you want to know?”

“Because you’re half-blood but when you were younger, my age, you would’ve wanted to be pureblood because you were Slytherin, so you would have clung to your mother’s connections however tenuous,” said Hermione, “The Half-Blood Prince.”

Severus’ face grew grey at the words, his voice losing some of its usual strength as he spoke, “A title I have not heard in a very long time,” he said, “And one I am disturbed to find that you know. Where did you come by it?”

“Harry,” said Hermione, “Though he hasn’t made the connection. He has a book, your old Advanced Potions textbook and that’s the name inscribed in the cover. I worked out straight away that it was you, I recognised your handwriting but Harry is a bit dense at times and hasn’t realised. It’s why he’s been doing so well at Potions. I’ve been meaning to tell you but I keep forgetting about it with everything else that’s been going on. I’m sorry.”

Severus dropped his face into his hands and cursed before he looked up at her with a sigh, “Don’t apologise, my love, it’s not your fault,” he said, “It’s mine. That damned book, I’d forgotten about it but it’s what I used to write all the methods out from when I was teaching and I must have left it in the classroom. I should have realised something was wrong when he started doing so well. Mione, that book is dangerous. There are spells in there…”

“I know,” said Hermione, “I’ve seen some of them and before you start beating yourself up, I know what you were going through then and I understand why they’re there. We’ve tried to take the book off him but he is really attached to it. Even if he doesn’t know that it’s yours, I think it gave him some comfort when he thought he’d lost you.”

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose, “I will have to talk to him when we get home,” he said, “Thankfully he has only used it to improve his potions marks. He’s silly enough to use them though, if he thinks the cause arises and he’ll no doubt find that with Malfoy. He takes after James far too much in that respect.”

“I’m sorry I forgot to tell you,” said Hermione, her fingers grazing beneath his chin, as she pulled his attention back to her, “Every time I get to see you I forget about everything but making the most of the time we have and this week school has been the last thing on my mind.”

Severus smiled, his dark eyes softening at her words, “Well I cannot very well be upset by that,” he said, “There is no harm done so far and Harry is in a place where he is safe and unlikely to need such spells so neither of us are going to worry about it for now. Come here.”

Hermione went to his open arms, changing their positions so that she was leaning against him. She pressed her face into his crisp white shirt, the jacket, waistcoat and tie he had started the day with long since discarded and the first few buttons unfastened to allow her to slip her hand onto the bare skin of his chest.

“Don’t worry about it anymore today, P.B,” he said into her hair, “I’ll sort everything out and right now everyone is safe.”

“Especially me,” said Hermione, pulling aside his collar to press a kiss to his neck, “I’ve never felt safer in my life.”

“I’d give anything to keep you so,” he promised, his arms tightening about her, “But I will do so, for the time we have.”

xxxx

Severus bit back a cry as he jolted awake, the nightmare thankfully loosing its hold on him as soon as his eyes were open. It had been a memory of his past that had haunted his sleep; brought back to him he was sure, by the mention of his old potions book. He looked down as Hermione stirred beside him but she did not wake, resettling with a sigh beneath with warm, heavy blankets of their bed. 

He reached for his watch and wand on the nightstand, whispering a brief illuminating spell before he opened the gold case to look at the time. He frowned as he realised they were still several hours from dawn, feeling far too awake to go back to sleep. He extinguished his wand and returned it to the nightstand along with the watch, turning over until he was pressed against Hermione’s back. Even the warmth of her body wasn’t enough to lull him back to sleep though and he pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder before he pulled the blankets up to cover her better.

He slipped from the bed, sliding a loose pair of trousers over his hips before he dragged on the warm black dressing gown, padding out of the bedroom and through the living room to the kitchen. He flicked on the light, the room too bright for a moment before his eyes adjusted and he set about making a cup of tea. They had done the majority of things the muggle way since they had arrived, an unspoken agreement that seemed to give them another buffer between the world they had come from and the brief one they were creating. 

He leaned back against the counter opposite, listening to the faint sounds of the kettle at its work as he let his thoughts drift. He knew whimsy and hope were fickle beasts but occasionally he indulged in them. He imagined that they were not just on a clandestine holiday from the school but that they had made the cabin in the mountains their home. The living room was extended to include a laboratory of their own, a potions business that was run almost anonymously so no one knew they were doing business with a former death eater and the young woman he was lucky enough to be loved by. 

He wanted to push away the fantasy as it evolved further, the room decorated for another Christmas but there were more presents underneath the tree, a rocking horse bedecked with a bow the main feature. He saw her then, the small, pale girl with shock of curly black hair that streamed behind her as she ran across the room to the gift meant only for her.

Severus tore his mind from the scene as the kettle whistled; scrubbing a hand across his face only to discover the tracks of tears he didn’t even know had fallen for the future he knew was too far out of his grasp. He quickly prepared the tea; shaking off the melancholy such thoughts brought him, before he headed back into the living room. He stoked the dying embers of the fire, throwing on a new log that would ensure the room was fully warmed by the time Hermione awoke. 

He took a seat on the sofa they had occupied the night before, the sight of Hermione’s discarded dress reminding him of the precious evening they had spent and bringing a smile to his face. He set down his tea, picking up the dress and folding it neatly before he set it back down on the arm of the chair, his fingers stroking the material as he lost himself in the flames of the fire. 

The sound of feet padding softly from the bedroom roused him from his thoughts some time later, looking up to see Hermione wandering wearily from their bedroom clad in her dressing gown and fluffy woollen socks. 

“I’m sorry Panda, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he said, as she crossed the room to him, rubbing her eyes.

“You didn’t,” she said, “I woke up wanting a cuddle and you weren’t there. Why are you out here? It’s not…”

“No, no,” said Severus, as she settled herself on his lap, her arms curling around his shoulders, “Not even a twinge. Just a bad dream and then I couldn’t get back to sleep.”

“You should have woken me,” said Hermione, around a yawn as she pressed her face into his neck.

Severus laughed, stroking her hair, “I think you need your sleep sweetheart,” he said, “You’ll be more comfortable in bed.”

“Not without you,” she moaned petulantly, “I hate sleeping without you.”

“Very well then,” said Severus, lifting her up in his arms as he got to his feet, “If it means you get some proper rest.”

“Mmm-hmm,” murmured Hermione, already half asleep against his shoulder, “What’s that noise?”

“What noise?” said Severus.

“Something’s tapping,” said Hermione, raising her head, the tap echoing a little louder through the house, “Did you leave the tap on?”

“I don’t think so,” said Severus, setting her back on her feet, “It’s coming from the window. Stay there.”

“Severus,” said Hermione, grabbing his arm to hold him back even as his wand sailed into the room and straight to his hand with a wordless command, “Please, sweetheart.”

“Stay behind me,” he instructed, “Call your wand to you and be ready to fight. Strike first.”

Hermione loosed her hold on him, summoning her wand to her hand as he headed towards the large black windows that looked out onto the mountains. She shuddered, holding her robe tighter around her as she wondered what could have breached the wards without either of them sensing it.

She bit back the fear, gripping her wand tighter as Severus reached the window, his wand casting enough light to let them see what was outside. Hermione barely caught a glimpse before Severus threw the window wide, the bird outside flying in in a flurry of colour and tail feathers.

“Fawkes,” he said, as the bird landed on the table they had been eating at early, dropping the note in its beak before it gave one beautiful plaintive note and flew out of the window once more.

Severus picked up the note and unrolling it, his dark eyes scanning the page before his face fell, “No, please no,” he said, the note crumpling in his fist.

“What is it?” said Hermione, hurrying to his side, “Severus?”

She pried the note from his hand, reading aloud the words in Dumbledore’s familiar hand, “Severus. Death Eater attack at The Burrow. Survivors gone to headquarters. Come at once,” she read, before her voice broke on a sob, “Survivors? Severus what does he mean survivors?”

“What else can he mean?” said Severus, slumping heavily into one of the chairs.

“But Harry, Ginny, Ron, all the others,” said Hermione, “Which ones…who survived?”

“I don’t know,” said Severus, “We have to go. He’s sent for me. We have to go to headquarters. Just get dressed; I can come back for everything else.”

“Headquarters?” said Hermione, “But none of the others know that you’re on our side still.”

“I imagine Dumbledore has brought them up to speed if he’s asked for me,” he said, getting to his feet, “If Voldemort made a move I didn’t know about then either he was waiting for me to disappear or he’s decided to move things forward sooner than he originally planned. Whatever it is, I need to be there to deal with it and I need to get you somewhere safe. Perhaps our time was shorter than we thought.”

“Oh god, don’t say that,” said Hermione, taking his face in her hands, before she raised herself on her toes to kiss him, “Please darling, I can’t lose you yet.”

“We might not have a choice,” he said, “But we can’t stop this now it’s in motion. Hurry now, get dressed and then we have to go.”

Hermione nodded, fighting back the tears that wanted to fall, “I won’t be long,” she said, looking up at the room around them, “I just wish…”

“I know my love,” said Severus, “But it was always going to end.”

It didn’t take long for them to dress, Hermione mourning the loss of their time together even further as she watched Severus armour up once more in layers of black that turned him once more into the image of her Professor. She forced a smile to her face as she took his hand, the pair of them pausing a moment before Severus raised his wand and dropped the wards that protected them. 

Hermione held tightly to him, closing her eyes and pressing her face into the brocade of his frock coat as she felt his magic surround them. He had warned her it would take them several attempts to reach Grimmauld Place, the distance too far to cover in just one spell of apparition. She felt her head spinning beyond tolerance by the second jump and was grateful for the tight hold he had on her as her legs swiftly turned to jelly beneath her. 

Finally though, they came to a pause and she felt the great heaving breaths he took beneath her cheek, the effort of transporting them difficult even for someone as powerful as he was. She steadied herself, looking up to see his face set in a grim mask as he regarded the building before them. She took hold of his hand, squeezing gently and offering him a small smile of support as she saw the fear in his eyes at the news they might find behind the door. 

They mounted the stairs, their steps heavy and slow in the hope that somehow the delay would alter the news beyond the door. Before too long though, they reached the threshold and Severus reached out to open the door, the wards allowing him to pass with Hermione at his side. 

They were halfway down the hall when the first cry of alarm sounded from above them, Hermione barely registering it before Severus’ body came between hers and the threat. Hexes flew in complete disorder, Severus blocking every one whilst not returning any of his own. It was only a voice crying out for it to stop that brought an end to it, Hermione freeing herself from Severus’ grip to see Harry run to stand in front of him, a shield between him and the attack from the stairs.

“Stop it! He’s still one of us,” cried the boy before he turned on the wizard he had come to defend, eyes flashing with fire, “What the hell are you doing here? You go on and on about not breaking cover but then you turn up like this?”

“Dumbledore sent for me,” said Severus, before his wand clattered to the floor as he grabbed Harry in a crushing hug, “He told me you were attacked and I was so worried. Are you alright? Were you hurt?”

“I’m fine, you idiot, get off me,” said Harry, though there was little reproach in his tone as he struggled from his grip, “Why would Dumbledore send for you? Especially without letting everyone know?”

“I don’t know but I…”

“Forgive the intrusion,” said Remus from the stairs, “But clearly we’ve all missed a trick here. Harry, what is going on? Severus, he…”

“Is on our side,” said Harry, “And has been from the very start. I’ve only known for a few weeks though.”

“And before you ask,” said Hermione, stepping around to Severus’ side and lacing her fingers with his, “Everything I said at the beginning of term was a lie, Severus never hurt me. He’s never once laid a finger on me in anger. It’s true, he’s on our side.”

“He’s working with Page!” said Ron, pushing his way to the front of the crowd on the stairs, “And she’s a Death Eater.”

“And essentially my keeper,” said Severus, “Lupin, I know our history until my regression was hardly amicable but you know me well enough by now. I am on your side and these two would hardly trust me if I wasn’t. Ask Dumbledore if you must. Arthur, you as well. Ask him. I’m still surprised he summoned me without giving you word I would come. Was anyone lost in the attack? He mentioned survivors.”

“No one was badly hurt,” said Harry, “We’re all fine.”

“You really are you, aren’t you?” said Ginny, slipping from Molly’s vice-like grip on her shoulder as she headed down into the hallway, “You really are our Severus?”

“As I ever was, my dear little friend,” said Severus, “I’m sorry I lied to you.”

Ginny crossed the corridor in only a couple of steps before she threw her arms around him, her feet leaving the floor as he hugged her back just as tightly. The twins were the next to join the fray, Fred, the George all but knocking their sister out of the way to greet their friend. It was only Ron who stood aside with the older members of the Order, his face troubled as he regarded the scene before him.

“It’s alright Ron,” said Severus as the noise around him died down, “I can appreciate you being cautious. We have all played our parts rather well in recent months.”

The redhead nodded, looking between the Order members he stood with and those who stood with Severus, “Harry trusts you,” he said, “But I want to hear it from Dumbledore too.”

“That’s fine,” said Severus, “Completely fine. We should send for Dumbledore anyway. He called me here from Switzerland so he must need to see me.”

“Switzerland?” said Harry, before he laughed, “You never went home to your parents did you Hermione?”

Hermione smiled as she shook her head, “Severus and I decided we needed a little holiday,” she said, “Only Dumbledore knew what we had planned.”

“You went away with him?” said Molly, “Your teacher?”

“My fiancé, Mrs Weasley,” said Hermione, “As he became last summer at the Burrow.”

“Let’s not argue semantics right now everyone,” said Arthur with a forced joviality, “Remus, why don’t you see if you can get hold of Dumbledore and we can get this situation sorted out. Severus, would you oblige me by joining me in the kitchen, I think tea is in order don’t you? Fred, George, it’s late so please set an example to your siblings and Harry and head on to bed. Hermione you can share with Ginny this evening until we can make arrangements.”

“Thank you for my part Mr Weasley,” said Hermione, “But I would prefer to stay with Severus for the time being.”

“Very well,” he replied, waving off Molly’s protest, “If that is what you wish.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to rest, my love?” said Severus, “It’s not yet dawn.”

“I want to be with you,” said Hermione, her free hand curling around his arm as she pressed her cheek against his shoulder. 

“So you’re engaged as ever then?” said Ginny, a teasing smile on her face, “I thought I caught you looking too happy a couple of times at school.”

Hermione smiled but waved off her friend, “I’ll tell you everything later, right now I want to get this business with Dumbledore sorted and get some sleep.”

“Come on then you lot,” said Fred, clapping his hands together to get their attention, “Everyone upstairs and we can take bets on where the Dark Arts Professor and his best student…”

“Fred, enough,” said Severus, his tone so reminiscent of the teacher he had once truly been to them that it brokered no argument, “Say what you like about me, you’ve all said worse in your time but please show some respect for Hermione. Things are difficult enough for us and we need your support, not to be made sport of.”

The young man swiftly apologised before he led his siblings and Harry back up the stairs, Molly fluffing and following behind them with a tone that spoke of her discomfort. Remus and Tonks, who passed by Severus with a wink he couldn’t help but smile at, headed into one of the large parlour rooms to call for Dumbledore as Arthur led Severus and Hermione towards the kitchen at the back of the house. 

They were silent as they sat at the table, watching Arthur as he stiffly set about preparing tea, but Hermione felt the tension in Severus’ hand where it clung to hers beneath the table. Her brain was foggy from lack of sleep and felt all the heavier as she tried to fathom out why Dumbledore would have sent for them only to not be in attendance or have forewarned the other members of the order of their arrival. 

She feared a trick or some sort of deception but there was no one in the house she believed capable of such a thing and Severus had been too careful with his preparations for their trip that no one else could be aware of their movements. It made her headache the more she thought of it and soon she was rested against Severus’ shoulder, her eyes closed to relieve the tension behind them. She smiled to herself as she felt his hand loose hers in favour of wrapping his arm around her shoulders, holding her securely at his side.

She was almost asleep when she heard the floo activate in the other room, hurried footsteps echoing through the corridors. She opened her eyes, looking up at Severus to see his features set in a grim expression as he helped her to her feet. Memories assaulted her of another time Dumbledore had come to them in the early hours as the elderly wizard appeared in the doorway and she clung a little tighter to Severus for it, worried that if she let go she would find herself without him once more.

“Severus,” said the wizard, his face marked by a mix of confusion and concern, “What are you doing here?”

“You sent for me,” said Severus, “Your note…”

“Asked you to come to Hogwarts,” said Dumbledore, “Surely you didn’t think I meant here?”

“It said come at once,” said Hermione, “Nothing about Hogwarts. You said the survivors had been brought here and we were to come at once.”

“Secrecy has been paramount for months,” said Dumbledore, “At your own request Severus, why would I compromise that?”

Severus sighed, his free hand coming up to rub at his eyes, “It is of little consequence now,” he said, “And it is pointless for us to go over what could have been written better or interpreted in another way. I am here now and our secret is out. Harry was already aware anyway so the secrecy is not so necessary. What matters is we are here and you had something to discuss with me. Is it something we can talk about with witnesses?”

“As you have revealed yourself to the Order there is no harm in them hearing,” said Dumbledore, “Though I am loathed to summon them all at this time in the morning.”

“Yet you summoned us with notes in the middle of the night,” groused Hermione, “We could have at least stayed until morning.”

“At least we’re together,” said Severus, his tone gentling as he stroked her arm, “And things are not as bleak as I thought when we left.”

“So Severus’ words are true then,” said Arthur, “He is still on our side?”

“Surely Miss Granger’s presence is enough to convince you all but if the words are needed, yes, Severus is still on our side,” said Dumbledore, “I will make arrangements for the Order to meet in the morning. Severus, see me to the fireplace if you please?”

Severus nodded, pressing a kiss to Hermione’s forehead before he released his hold on her, “I’ll only be a moment darling,” he said, ignoring Arthur’s almost reproachful gaze, “Perhaps you can find somewhere suitable for us to get a few hours sleep.”

Hermione nodded as he stepped away from her and she watched him go with a knot of tension still heavy in her stomach. She saw Tonks and Remus in the hallway as Dumbledore led Severus from the room, their expressions similar to Arthur’s and she knew they would face more rather than less difficulty and censure than they had previously.

“Is there a room we could make use of Mr Weasley?” she said, drawing herself up as tall as she could, “Or at least some bedding so we can camp down in one of the parlour rooms? We left all our things in Switzerland when we received Dumbledore’s note and Severus won’t be able to go back for them tonight.”

“There is space in Ginny’s room for you, Hermione,” said Arthur, sharing a glance with Remus over her shoulder, “I’m sure Severus can manage on the sofa in the other room.”

Hermione shook her head, “We will be together,” she said, “If that involves the sofa and a blanket then we will manage.”

“Miss Granger, perhaps…”

“Perhaps nothing, Remus,” said Hermione, turning to him, “I am of age and Severus and I were happily together with your knowledge and I believed your blessing before events transpired to place us in this situation. Now, you can argue with me all you like but I am tired and Severus is as well. It took a lot of effort to bring us here in such a rush, much as he concealed it, and then you all set upon him. We would like to rest so if you would be so kind?”

“There’s a room upstairs you can use Hermione,” said Tonks, ignoring the look Remus gave her, “It’s a bit dusty and worn but a bit of magic will set it right enough for you to sleep in. I’ll take you up. Remus, send Severus up when he comes back.”

He offered no argument and Hermione bit back a smile as she passed him, joining Tonks in the hallway and following her up the stairs. She couldn’t keep back her smile as she saw the backs of her friends running into their rooms, clearly having been listening in to the conversations downstairs. She knew she would have many questions to answer come morning but she felt weary to her bones, wanted nothing more than to curl up and sleep for a few hours with Severus at her side. 

The room Tonks led her to was on the top floor of the house and in a sorry state but the bed was soon free of dust with a simple spell. The older woman bid her goodnight and Hermione closed the door behind her, stripping down to her underwear before she crawled beneath the heavy blankets with her wand clutched in her hand as the darkness of the room surrounded her. 

She jumped as she heard the door open but steadied as she heard Severus’ familiar footsteps, “Anything to report?” she said, rolling onto her side and watching his shadowy figure as he readied to join her.

“Dumbledore sought to question me on whether I was aware the attack was due to take place,” said Severus, “And then insisted that I be prepared to fall back into ranks, so to speak, to get what information I can from You-Know-Who. He called me back because he needed his spy.”

Hermione heard the bitterness in his tone and opened her arms to him as he slid into the bed beside her, “You can refuse him,” she said, “You are not beholden to him.”

“No but I am beholden to my vow to protect Harry,” said Severus, laying his head against her breast, “I will have to go.”

“When?” said Hermione, stroking his hair.

“Soon,” he said, “But not now. Get some sleep.”

Hermione pressed a kiss to his hair, enjoying the heaviness of him against her and allowing it to comfort her. She soon felt his breathing become even and deep, sleep claiming him after his exertions and she matched the pattern of it, letting it pull her into sleep with him as dawn began to break outside.


	10. Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus and Hermione reconnect with their friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waves* Hello, yes I know it’s been a while in regards to this fic and I am grateful to each and every one of you that have waited patiently for an update. This fic is a tricky one for me to write as the origins of it are tied up in a lot of real life, personal crap that gets dragged up whenever I open up a chapter. Sometimes though, I do find it easier to write and this chapter came from that. I won’t make promises that another will be forthcoming soon but I hope I will be inspired to continued for a while. 
> 
> For those waiting on an update to To Sir…With Love, that’s on its way in the next couple of days.

Hermione reached out and took hold of Severus’ hand as they descended the stairs from the top floor of Grimmauld Place, the sound of voices below jarring after they had grown so used to silence and secrecy since his return to the school. She smiled hesitantly up at him as he pressed a kiss to the crown of her head, lacing their fingers together as they reached the final landing. 

The house was already wide-awake, the two of them having slept late after their disturbed night and the upheaval of their relationship being revealed. Hermione had been surprised she had slept at all but Severus’ warm body beside her had soothed her as it always did and they had both found the rest they needed. It had been with reluctance that they had left the bed but they knew they had many questions to face and that Severus needed to re-establish himself within the Order. 

“Hey you two,” said Harry, appearing from one of the bedrooms, “Ready to face the music?”

“As we’ll ever be,” said Hermione, “Have we been mentioned?”

Harry smirked, “Just a bit,” he said, “Molly isn’t happy.”

“I imagine she isn’t the only one,” said Severus, “Not only are they coming to terms with the fact that I am not the enemy, they’re also dealing with the concept of us being together.”

“There’s a lot of talk about it being inappropriate,” said Harry, “Fred and George keep stirring things by saying you two were never any good at being appropriate anyway.”

Hermione groaned, “And I imagine that isn’t helping in the slightest but if Minerva says a word I’ll happily remind her of her relationship with George despite the fact she claims she always considered herself a teacher. I’m beginning to think we should just go back to Switzerland.”

Severus raised her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to the back of it, “Ask and I’ll take you but I fear Dumbledore will drag me away with issues that require my attention,” he said, “I should go and face the music. You don’t need to come and bear their comments if you don’t want to. However we look at it, you’re the innocent party in this and I don’t want you to face their ire.”

“We’re in this together sweetheart,” said Hermione, “And let them say what they please and I’ll happily tear them apart in return.”

“Well, when you’re done we’re in the drawing room at the front of the house,” said Harry, “A safe haven if you guys need it. Everyone of our lot wants to spend time with you, even Ron despite the fact that he was a bit of a git last night.”

“We gave him a fright, it was to be expected,” said Severus, “We’ll be along as soon as we can. You and I need to have a talk as well when we have time.”

“Sounds serious,” said Harry, with a frown, “Should I be worried?”

“No,” said Severus, “But we do need to talk. Now go on, leave us to face the music and enjoy what you can of your holidays in this old place.”

Harry nodded, “Good luck,” he said, “I’ll see you in a while.”

He walked down the stairs in front of them, heading into the room they had clearly claimed as their own away from the Order. Severus and Hermione followed, their pace far slower as they prolonged the inevitable censure they were about to face but they drew strength from one another as they finished their descent. Hermione moved to precede him down to narrow corridor but he pulled her to a halt, turning her to him and capturing her head in his hands, leaning down to kiss her before she had time to register his intent. 

The kiss was a world away from the gentle, lazy kisses they had indulged in in their mountain retreat. It was all Hermione could do to remain upright as he plundered her mouth, her hands hanging on to his waist as she moaned against his lips. She caught the sorrow on his face as he released her though and recognised the intent behind the kiss.

“Hey,” she said, “Don’t worry. There is nothing any of them can do or say that will separate us. The scheming of both Voldemort and Dumbledore hasn’t come between us so they have no chance. Please relax. I’m walking in there with you and I’ll be walking out the same way.”

“I’m sorry that I have brought this on you my love,” he said sadly, “I hate that they will look poorly on you for this.”

“Well they can kiss my…”

“Severus. Miss Granger,” came Dumbledore’s voice as the door before them opened, “If you would step inside, we have much we need to discuss.”

Hermione looked up at the man beside her, returning his supportive smile before she tightened her grip on his hand, the pair of them stepping through the doorway together. 

xxxx

It was several hours later when Hermione returned to the room she had taken at Grimmauld Place, her head pounding and her body fatigued far more than she had ever known. Despite her tiredness though she could not bring herself to lie down and sleep, knowing she would not be able to rest until Severus was once again with her.

The interview with those of the Order had been long and arduous; the pair of them questioned on their motives to the point where she had felt as though she was being accused of secretly bearing the Dark Mark. Severus had defended her for the most part but she had stood her own ground as well, coming to his defence when several members accused him of having forced her to continue their relationship. 

She had spent the entire time longing for the secrecy and anonymity they had enjoyed in Switzerland but she knew, even if they went back there, they would never again find the peace they had shared. 

Dumbledore had tried to send her from the room when talk had turned to Voldemort’s plans but she refused to move, Severus supporting her with promises that anything he shared with the Order would be as easily shared with Hermione. The information he offered was scant and to the point, his cards played close to his chest when so many in the room looked upon him with suspicion. 

She had hoped to at least be able to retire to their shared room to discuss what they planned to do next but Severus had told her he needed to remove their possessions from the house they had been staying in. Their use of magic to return to England would have made them all the more visible to anyone who could have been watching for signs of either of them and he wanted to try and protect the secrecy of their relationship from anyone who had not now been made privy to it within the Order. She had wanted to go with him but to carry her whilst he apparated after already having made the journey once would have exhausted him to the point where it would be dangerous for them both. She had reluctantly agreed to let him go alone, hating the fact that they would need to be separated for several hours as he gave himself time to recover between trips.

She huffed down on the bed, running her hand over the sheets on his side of the bed. It seemed as though the world had not stopped changing direction since he had been regressed to his youth over a year before but the flip that had occurred in the few hours since they had received Dumbledore’s letter still had her reeling. She wasn’t sure whether to cry or be relieved that, at least in part, they would no longer need to hide away but the greater exposure brought with it new risks. An ill judged comment from any of their friends could reveal them to those who were their enemies or their own complacency could mean they forgot themselves when they were in public.

She raised her head and hastily brushed away her tears as a faint knock came on her bedroom door, tempted to ask the visitor to go away but instead she called out for them to enter.

“You alright?” asked Harry as he appeared around the door, “They won’t tell us anything but I can’t imagine that was fun.”

“I’ve had better days,” said Hermione, forcing a small smile, “You might as well all come in.”

Harry offered her an apologetic smile before he stepped into the room, Ginny, Ron and the twins following in behind him. Ginny was the first to cross the room to her, enveloping her in a warm hug that lingered longer than one of greeting before she was passed on to her other friends.

Silence descended once they had all said their hellos and Hermione huffed out a humourless laugh as she returned to her seat on the bed.

“You can talk to me you know,” she said, “And I’m not going to shy away from questions if I’m able to answer them. I’m sure I can say the same for Severus as well.”

“Where is the old bugger anyway?” asked Fred, with a cheeky wink, “Thought he’d be hiding up here with you. That’s why we made Harry knock first.”

“He’s gone back to Switzerland to get our things,” she said, “It was easier for him to go alone. He’ll be back later and I’m sure he’ll want to see you all. He’s missed you.”

Ron frowned, “But why didn’t he tell us he was on our side?” he said, “Especially after Harry found out.”

“Because he didn’t want to put any of us at risk,” said Hermione, reaching for her patience as she heard the hurt and the apprehension in his questions, “He’s brilliant at hiding things from Voldemort but even Severus is vulnerable under torture and there’s no guarantee that Voldemort won’t turn on him one day. When he was first changed back, we didn’t know if he would ever be able to come back and so he made me promise to make everyone believe he was truly on Voldemort’s side. He didn’t want anyone coming after him or trying to help him. When he did come back, it was just safer to keep up the pretence. The more people that know the truth, the more likely it is for it all to be exposed. Severus would be killed but only after Voldemort had tortured every last bit of information out of him about us, especially Harry. He’s taken so many risks to protect us all and now we need to make sure we protect him. Ron please believe me, he’s our Severus still. He’s on our side.”

Ron sniffed, crossing his arms in front of him, “Just wish he’d told us,” he said, “And he’s been a right arse in Dark Arts.”

“Well he can hardly be nice with Page watching him like a hawk,” said Ginny, “I had been wondering though. I’ve caught his gaze a couple of times and the look in his eyes was so sad and so much like the younger him but he would always turn away the moment he realised I’d seen him. I wish I’d known.”

“But you wouldn’t have been able to do anything,” said Harry, “And Hermione’s right. Now we all know we have to be careful. We can’t let on that we know.”

“He keeps being a git in class and that won’t be hard,” said Ron, “He took ten points off me the other day for sneezing.”

Hermione rolled her eyes, “You’ve been giving him plenty of cause to take far more than ten points in some of our classes,” she said, “And he’s going to have to keep behaving like that. To every else he needs to appear to be on Voldemort’s side.”

“What I don’t understand is why he and Minerva changed back in the first place,” said George, “I thought the Ministry couldn’t find a cure.”

Hermione sighed, “I really don’t want to go into that,” she said, “But I will tell you that Severus’ hand was forced. He didn’t want to change but can we change the subject please? It’s been a rough enough day without raking over old ground.”

“Sure thing,” said Fred, settling himself down on the floor beside the bed before he leaned over his crossed legs with a grin, “I suggest we discuss instead what exactly you were doing running off to Switzerland with your teacher Miss Granger. Didn’t realise the old dog would still have it in him.”

Hermione laughed as the playful teasing began, the easy banter reminding her of many evenings spent in the common room as they each poked fun at each other. Despite her mirth though she felt a little tug on her heart that Severus was once again not their to share in it and she sent out a silent wish that he would not be too long in his journey, knowing he needed to reconnect with their friends even more than she did.

xxxx

Severus stumbled as he hit the ground in the park nearby to Grimmauld Place, the dizziness that came with apparating over such a large distance not easily shaken off especially when he had taxed his magic a great deal in the hours since Dumbledore had sent for him. When the world continued to tip, he settled down on a nearby bench, steadying his breathing as best he could as he closed his eyes against the lamp lit park. 

He had only intended to rest for an hour or so in Switzerland before returning to England but sleep had overcome him and he had woken to find the sun already setting over the pine covered mountainside. He had been tempted to stay but the absence of Hermione was enough to have him hurrying to collect the last few items they owned, glad for the charms that allowed him to pack everything into one small bag for the journey home. 

He knew they would both miss the sanctuary not only in the physical sense but also in the fact that the secrecy that had become their life had now been broken. He was glad in a way that the majority of their friends now knew the truth but it also brought with it new fears. When he had parted from them all previously he had been their age, his adulthood and the trials it had brought all but forgotten in the final, lazy summer afternoons they had spent together at the Burrow. Now it was not just his outward appearance that marked their differences, his secrets and his mission an even greater barrier to the friendships he had once known. 

Once he had fully integrated with his Gryffindor classmates he had endeavoured to always be honest with them but the very nature of his work for the Order meant he would have to keep secrets from the all, Harry especially and he knew that every lie and omission would hurt him deeply. He was tempted to make his excuses and return alone to his home, limiting their contact to moments at school but the balm their presence offered was too much to resist especially when separation from them meant separation from Hermione also.

He opened his eyes, night starting to encroach on the park as he got to his feet and made his way across the short distance to the house. He didn’t allow himself to hesitate on the steps, opening the door and stepping into the neglected hallway. The familiar sound of voices echoed from the kitchen but they were all older members of the Order and he had no desire to spend any more time than necessary in their company. 

He opened the door to the room Harry had offered them respite in that morning but it was dark and cold, clearly not having known habitation for several hours at least. He hoped that they had not all been shipped off to Hogwarts or another safe house, knowing it would be easier to reconnect with them somewhere they wouldn’t be required to constantly look over their shoulders. 

Knowing that Hermione would not have gone anywhere without him, he turned back to the stairs but he paused as he saw a figure emerge from the doorway to the kitchen.

“You’d be best placed to leave them be Severus,” said Dumbledore, “That isn’t your world anymore.”

“Maybe not,” said Severus, keeping his eyes on the stairs before him, “But I prefer it to the one you inhabit. Unless I am needed for anything to do with the Order, if you don’t mind…”

“You will only lead them into darkness Severus,” said the older wizard, “Miss Granger especially.”

“Last time I checked, I was not the one leading this circus,” said Severus, heading up the stairs, “Goodnight Headmaster.”

He didn’t wait for a response, taking the stairs two at a time but rather than the tension leaving him as he moved up through the dilapidated floors, it grew. Whilst his friends had been pleased to see him in the most part when they had discovered the truth about his allegiance he was concerned that the intervening hours would have dimmed their enthusiasm for his return. 

He almost headed back down the stairs as the youthful, joyful voices echoed down from the room he and Hermione had taken, her laughter joining that of her friends’ but the sudden cessation of the sound made him pause on the landing. 

The door opened, Ginny’s face appearing in the gap before she smiled brightly, “I thought I heard something,” she said, “How long have you been hovering there? Get in. We’ve been talking about you.”

He was certain the shock was all too apparent on his face as she grabbed hold of his hand without any ceremony and dragged him into the room.

“Look who I found lurking,” she said.

He didn’t get a chance to register the reaction from the others, Ginny barely managing to step aside before Hermione launched herself from the bed and into his arms. His worries evaporated the moment he took hold of her, burying his face in the fall of her hair as she clung to him. 

“I’ve missed you,” she murmured, her hands fisting into the material of his coat, “Was everything alright?”

“It was fine. I’ve brought everything back with me,” he said, “Have you been alright?”

Hermione raised her head from his chest, smiling up at him but he still saw the faint tears in her eyes that told him that she had missed him and worried for him.

“I’ve been well taken care of,” she said, stroking the backs of her fingers over his cheek, “And now you can be. Our friends are here for us now.”

Her words brought his attention back to the others in the room and the fear that had grown as he had climbed the stairs to the room reinstated itself. He kept hold of Hermione as he turned to take in those gathered, the warm smiles of the majority and even the slightly wary expression worn by Ron far more welcoming than anything he had received by the members of the Order.

“Hello you lot,” he said, hating the catch in his own voice but he could do nothing to prevent it as he felt tears burn his own eyes, “I’m sorry it’s been so long.”

“Better late than never…old man,” said George, “Just glad to have you back.”

“I’ll second that,” said Fred, “Just wish you could have told us.”

“I wanted to keep you all safe,” said Severus, “Can you forgive me?”

“For not telling us, yes,” said Ginny, “But you’ve got a lot to make up for after giving us all so many detentions and taking so many house points.”

“I’ll take that under advisement,” said Severus, keeping Hermione’s hand held tightly in his as he sat down on the edge of the bed, “And I’m not expecting you all to trust me again straight away, I know there has been a lot of deceit but I will try and put to rest any fears if I can.”

“Way I see it,” said Ron, from his perch on the rickety dresser chair, “You’re not much different from what you were. You were a young, lanky, ugly git. Now you’re older, not so lanky but you’re still ugly as sin. Not really much difference.”

Severus laughed, knowing that despite his playful words he still had a long way to go to regain Ron’s complete trust but relieved that he was comfortable enough to tease him as he had done when they were the same age.

“I’m a lot older, or at least I feel that way at the moment,” he said, “But I promise that I am no different…well, I’m different but I hope we can still be friends.”

“Of course we can,” said Ginny, “Hermione explained everything she could to us. I’m just sorry this happened to you. It must have been so hard.”

“It’s getting easier,” he lied, feeling Hermione’s hand tighten in his as she too realised that whatever trust they had in him now would soon have to be lost forever.

He refused the let the melancholy overwhelm him though, forcing a smile onto his face and letting the familiar teasing banter that had filled the Gryffindor common room act like a balm upon his soul. He envied the ease of the young people before him, their hearts still open enough to offer him their trust once more despite the lies he and Hermione had initially woven to keep his allegiance from them. He had expected to answer difficult questions but instead he found himself being filled in on the news of their absent friends, teased over his secret getaway with Hermione and playfully scolded over his behaviour towards those he was still in charge of teaching. 

Their time together moved well into the night, Fred and George liberating food from their mother in the kitchen to negate the need for them to head downstairs but their sanctuary was breached as the clock struck midnight. Severus was grateful that it was Arthur rather than Molly that had come to usher his children and Harry to bed, his own part in Severus’ meetings with the Order having been the least judgemental. He still wore a frown as he watched them all bid goodnight to one another, the lines on his brow deepening when the twins left with a tease about Hermione keeping up an old man into the early hours but he left without a word of reproach.

Severus waited until the door finally clicked shut before he sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face before he turned to the woman sat on the bed beside him.

“That would have been easier if they were shouting at me,” he said, mirroring her sad smile as she clasped his hand in both of hers.

“I know,” she said, raising his hand to her lips and pressing a kiss to the back of it, “But at least you can spend some time with them until…”

“Until I’m required to betray them all,” he said, “And then…”

“And then I will still be there for you,” said Hermione, “Don’t let this upset you now, you need to rest.”

“I’m sorry I was gone for so long today,” he said as Hermione left the bed, rifling through the small case he had carried back from Switzerland with him. 

A quick spell soon had her nightdress in her hand, a small bag following as she breathed a sigh of relief, “I’ve never been so glad to see a hairbrush,” she said, extracting it from the bag, “I just wish you hadn’t needed to bring everything here.”

“Once we apparated out our security was compromised and I can’t risk you being found with me,” said Severus, shrugging off his jacket before he toed off the heavy black boots he wore, “The only safe houses we can use are here and Hogwarts now that the Burrow is gone. I can have Dumbledore make arrangements for you to return to the school or go to your parents’ if you would prefer it to here.”

Hermione frowned, “Well my parents’ is out of the question, no way you could go there at the moment,” she said, “We’d have more privacy at Hogwarts but I think we both need time here. Questions would be asked if we went back to the school anyway.”

“I could always go to my house,” said Severus, “Molly and the others might ease up on you then.”

Hermione shook her head, “No,” she said vehemently, “Wherever we go, we go together. Besides, if you weren’t here I imagine I would have many more sessions where I would be encouraged to come to my senses.”

“I live in fear of the day you finally do,” said Severus, feigning pain as she swotted his arm with the back of her brush before she tossed it aside.

“Never going to happen,” she said, moving to sit astride his legs and wrapping her arms around his neck, “Although if you do decide to abandon me here and head home then I may need to rethink that statement.”

“Well then,” said Severus, pressing a kiss to her lips, “I shall have to endure the pointed stares and remarks and remain here. It’s only a week until term starts, I’m sure I can bear it.”

“I promise when we have some proper privacy again, I’ll make it worth your while,” said Hermione, stroking his hair, “Feel like there are too many eyes and ears here. I’ve got used to it just being you and me.”

“I think we’re going to struggle to find much alone time even when we are back at the school.”

“The others may have your evenings but your nights are mine,” said Hermione, “We should get some sleep. You look tired.”

Severus nodded, “I’m exhausted,” he said, “Apparating so many times and for such a long distance would have been tiring even if I were still twenty years younger.”

“I didn’t envy you that trip today,” said Hermione, climbing off his lap, “I’m going to see if I can find anything resembling a bath tub on this floor. Will you still be awake when I get back?”

“I’ll try to be,” said Severus, “But no promises.”

Hermione smiled, “I’ll be quick,” she said, “We can make the best of this Severus, I know we can.”

“We can try,” he said, “Go on, or I will be asleep before you get back.”

He watched her leave the room, hoping that she didn’t encounter anyone along the way that would try to persuade her to find another room to sleep in. Whilst he knew she would never abandon him, he hated that she would be pulled from pillar to post by those who did not accept their relationship. He could not hold it against any of them though, knowing that they were only looking out for her and he was certain that he too would share their concern if he were not part of the relationship they were judging. 

He shook off the thought, heading towards the small bag and weaving a spell over the contents, essential items they would both need sailing from the concealed depths and settling themselves around the room. Once that was done, he extinguished the majority of the candles before lying back on the bed, promising himself that he would remain awake until Hermione’s return. He knew that he would fail in his aim though, sleep claiming him long before she returned to his side.

xxxx

The room they had claimed at the top of the house proved to be a sanctuary when the next day dawned, breakfast having set the tone for the day when silence had fallen the second they had walked in. Their friends had thankfully eased some of the tension as they welcomed them into their conversation but Hermione knew Severus felt out of place as he found himself sat with people many years younger than him rather than those he had first attended school with. 

She had left him with a heavy heart when Dumbledore had requested his presence at a meeting with the Order, forcing her to go off alone with Harry and the others into the small living room they had taken to spending time in. It was only an hour later when she had felt the pull of her books over the pursuits her friends were undertaking to entertain themselves, knowing she would need to spend some time revising in preparation for her upcoming exams. 

Glancing towards the kitchen as she headed to the stairs she realised that the meeting was over, the door standing open and the long table devoid of occupants. With a frown, she headed up the stairs, unsurprised to find Severus in their room, his eyes on the pages of the book in his hand but she knew he had long since stopped reading the words. She could not blame him for having sought solace in the quiet of their room and, rather than break the silence, she smiled at him as she crossed to the case on the floor beside the bed to retrieve her schoolbooks. 

She soon lost herself in her work but she was aware of his presence all the same, knowing that he was watching her study as much as he was reading his book. It was several hours later when the faint knock came at the door before Ginny, Harry and Ron came into the room, their prolonged absence enough to prompt their search. Their arrival dispelled the quiet but it was a welcome interruption and Hermione was glad that they had sought them out once Fred and George had returned to their shop on Diagon Alley. 

She smiled as she finally noticed Severus begin to relax amongst their friends, talk turning to Quidditch between the four of them whilst she kept half an eye on her books. It was only when she heard his deep, easy laughter that she realised what a weight had settled in her heart since their return, worried that the distance between the once firm friends would be too great a gap to bridge. Despite the fact that she had little interest in the subject she soon put aside her books to join their discussion, happily settling herself on the floor at Severus’ side as he and Ginny went head to head on the virtues of their respective teams. 

“Regardless of how you put it, the skill of the Chasers is never going to make a jot of difference if you are up against a world class Seeker,” said Ginny.

“But the skill of a Seeker is still somewhat dependant on luck,” countered Severus, “They may be highly capable of catching the snitch if they see it but that is entirely dependant on them spotting it within the field of play. By the point it’s spotted a competent Chaser could have scored a significant number of points to make the catching of the snitch a moot point.”

“You could argue the same if you have a great line of defence,” said Ginny, “You’ve got three people focused on stopping a Chaser whilst a Seeker can move without hindrance for the majority of the match.”

“You sound like a pair of television pundits arguing a Saturday match,” said Harry.

Severus laughed, “Would be interesting to see what the Muggle populace would do if Quidditch suddenly made an appearance on Match of the Day.”

“My Uncle Vernon would have a coronary,” said Harry, “Before he wrote a very strongly worded letter to the BBC.”

“The BB who?” asked Ron, “I’d forgotten that you two speak in code half the time.”

“You’re not missing much, believe me,” said Hermione, finally raising her head from her Arithmacy book when she realised she had read the same paragraph three times over, “I’m just enjoying the fact that we can all be together like this again, even if you are talking sports. Feels like we’re back in the common room.”

“Except you two aren’t sneaking off to do your potions homework,” said Ginny, earning a disgusted groan from her brother.

“I was about to suggest we went and found some dinner,” he moaned, “But you’ve put me right off.”

Hermione frowned, “I’m not sure I want to go downstairs,” she said, “We hardly feel welcome down their right now.”

“Fred and George will be back in a bit,” said Harry, “And we could go and sit in the front room.”

“I imagine you’ll be welcome without me,” said Severus, “You go on down.”

“Not without you,” said Hermione, “If they don’t like you being there, they can go elsewhere.”

Severus shook his head, “I can’t expect them to,” he said, “Their concerns are valid given everything that’s happened. They’re just worried about you, about all of you. I can’t blame them for that.”

“Mum gets her wand in a knot over the slightest thing these days anyway,” said Ron, “And it is a bit weird what with you looking like that. We could bring some food up here if you want. If we sit down there we’re only going to get lectures about homework anyway.”

“Hardly to most palatial surroundings,” said Severus, “But it would be preferable, if you really don’t mind. I don’t want to make things difficult for you.”

“Why change the habit of a lifetime?” said Harry, “And hanging out up here is no different to hanging out in the front room. We’ll get some food and bring it up.”

He got to his feet, Ron and Ginny following suit but Severus’s voice stopped him from going any further.

“Actually Harry, could I borrow you for a moment longer?” he said, “It won’t take long.”

“Ha! You’ve got detention!” teased Ron, “Come on Gin.”

Ginny hesitated for a moment before she followed her brother from the room, closing the door behind them.

“Do you want me to go too?” asked Hermione, realising what Severus wanted to discuss but he waved her down.

“Not necessary,” he said, “We won’t be talking about anything you don’t already know about.”

“Am I missing something?” said Harry, “Because you’re starting to worry me.”

“Nothing to worry about,” said Severus, “But important. Hermione informed me that you are in possession of a particular annotated book which is the reason you’re achieving so highly in your Potions classes.”

Harry blanched, “Maybe.”

“Harry, that book was mine,” said Severus, sparing him any prolonged worry, “I had that book when I was a student and used it, along with several others, to base my lessons on. It’s why I rarely asked you to refer to your text books in my classroom.”

“You’re the Half Blood Prince?” said Harry, “But…why?”

Severus smiled ruefully, “Long story,” he said, “But needless to say the boy I was then…the circumstances I was in…he is not the boy you came to know when I was regressed, nor was he the man you know now. Back then, I was angry and I was frightened and, because of that, I developed spells and curses that could easily land you in Azkaban. You’ve seen the effects of one of the curses when Lucius attacked me last year. You’re better than that Harry. I would ask for the book if I thought you hadn’t already been exposed to the content but I know you’ve read it so instead I’m going to ask you to promise me that you will never, ever use those spells against anyone. Will you promise me that Harry?”

Hermione watched the exchange between the two men before her, knowing that there was so much that would have to remain unsaid between them but hoping at least that they could come to agreement over the book. The tension in her drained away as she watched Harry smile and hold out his hand to Severus, the pair of them shaking on the promise they made. She smiled as Severus looked over to her, seeing the relief on his face that the conversation she was sure he had been worrying about since she had told him of the book was over and resolved without an argument. 

She laughed softly as his relief turned to surprise as Harry reached out and pulled him into a sudden hug, the embrace lasting longer than a brief embrace between friends and Hermione knew there was much being said that words could not express. Her laughter grew louder though as Harry sat back with an arch look on his face though, his words killing off any tension that remained in the room.

“I tell you what though,” he said, “I knew you could be dramatic Severus but Half Blood Prince? Seriously?”

“Says the boy who lived,” countered Severus, “Between us we could definitely hold the monopoly on ridiculous titles.”

“Says the man marrying the brightest witch of her age,” said Harry, “I think we’ve got it covered on all bases.”

As it always had done in the expanse of Gryffindor Tower, the light hearted teasing chased away the world outside and Hermione hoped, for the brief time they had at least, that Severus would find peace in the friendships that were proving to remain strong.


End file.
